


Rekindling

by Windchimed



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-04-19 02:39:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 70,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4729616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Windchimed/pseuds/Windchimed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's never easy to rekindle a flame after ten years, even if there's still a spark left in the embers. But sometimes, as Tobias and Tris are struggling to realize, it's worth the effort. Modern day AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tobias - We Meet Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In general, I'm winding down my "Divergent" fanfiction and am starting original fiction instead, but this particular story came to mind and insisted on being written. So, here you go... I anticipate it having about 15 chapters.
> 
> The story is rated M for mature themes, some language, and later sex scenes. Please only read it if you're an appropriate age. Chapters will alternate between Tris' and Tobias' POV. Overall, the story will be darker than my "Waiting" story but not tremendously dark.
> 
> And thank you to my wonderful beta reader, Rosalie!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the "Divergent" characters or any ideas or dialogue that came from that series. All of that belongs to Veronica Roth.

 

**Chapter 1: Tobias – We Meet Again**

The café is unusually crowded this morning, and Tobias sighs as he glances at his watch, wondering if he should just settle for the "coffee" that his office provides instead of waiting here. But for a change, he doesn't have any morning meetings, so he can afford to be late, and he really would prefer something that doesn't taste like it was scraped off a burner.

So, he makes his way to the back of the shorter line, gritting his teeth every time someone bumps into him as he tries to squeeze through the swarm. It's one of the problems with being over six feet tall – he's not particularly bulky, but he simply takes up more space than average.

It doesn't help that both lines are moving slowly, being tended by a small group of very-harassed-looking-workers. Someone is probably out sick today, or perhaps they lost some of their staff now that all of the local schools have started their fall terms. He hasn't seen what this particular café is like during the school year yet, since he only moved back here from Boston a couple of months ago.

He tries to occupy his time by watching the other patrons as he makes his gradual way toward the counter. He recognizes some of the other regulars – the ones who are always here at the same time he is – and he nods in acknowledgement to the middle-aged woman whose name he's never learned. She gives him a small smile in return before turning away. It's the little dance that people do every day in the city, not wanting to make too much eye contact, because then you'll be forced to have an actual conversation….

His gaze moves on the same way hers does, passing over a young man with green spiked hair and so many piercings it's almost impossible to see his face. Tobias wonders vaguely how he expects to ever find a job, but the thought makes him feel like his father, and he shakes it away quickly. Marcus has already damaged his life too much.

His eyes stop on a petite figure with short blond hair, and he finds himself watching her for longer than he should. It's not surprising, since he's been drawn to that type ever since his first girlfriend back in high school. Tris' hair was longer, but this woman otherwise bears a strong resemblance to her, and he finds it difficult to look away.

Even after he finally does, he keeps sneaking peeks, unable to shake the similarities from his mind. She looks like she's probably in her mid-twenties, with the same narrow face and large eyes. But it's a big city, after all. The odds are certainly against him running into someone he last saw a decade ago….

It's not until she happens to glance his way that his uncertainty disappears. No one else has eyes that striking shade of grayish-blue.

"Tris?" he asks, abandoning his place in line to step closer to her. "Beatrice Prior?"

She freezes, staring at him for a second before recognition hits. "Tobias?" Her voice reverberates with surprise, but when he breaks into a wide grin, she does too. "Oh, my god. What are you doing here?"

"I moved back." His hands lift on their own, reaching toward her for an embrace. It's not a conscious decision, really, but he spent the last year they knew each other touching her at every opportunity, and the instinct apparently runs deep.

He stops at her guarded expression. His voice hesitant, he adds, "In July." For a moment, they're both caught in the awkwardness that occurs whenever old habits meet current reality, but then he opens his arms wider, making it clear that he's offering a hug if she's willing to accept it.

She's still for slightly too long, and he's beginning to pull back dispiritedly when she finally steps up to him, wrapping her arms around him the way she has a thousand times before. He closes his own around her, pulling her to him and breathing her scent as a plethora of questions and thoughts and memories flit through his mind. Mostly of what might have been.

She releases him first, and he feels reluctance through his entire body as he lets go. But he does it anyway, knowing that he lost any right to hope for more a long time ago.

"How have you been?" he asks, his eyes taking in every nuance of her face. The last time he saw her, she was only sixteen, so she's definitely matured since then. Still, now that he's close, he can't imagine how he didn't recognize her immediately. Even if he hadn't thought about her so often, the fundamental _Tris_ is unchanged.

"Um, I've been well," she answers, her head bobbing up and down with little connection to her voice. "I…uh…work at Miller and Company as a business analyst. It's…good." She glances around at the throng of people, clearly struggling with how to sum up her life. "And everything else is fine, too."

He nods, his gaze soaking in more of her as he listens to the voice that he hasn't heard in far too long. An involuntary smile touches his mouth when he registers her lack of a wedding ring.

"What about you?" she adds.

"Oh, um, I'm fine, too." He pauses, part of his brain slapping the rest at the insipidity of his response. "I'm working for Samson Technologies as a lead developer." There's a flash behind her eyes, and he wonders if that irritates her. Maybe it sounds like bragging – having a position like that when he's only twenty-eight. "They transferred me here for a new project."

They both step forward as the line nudges them. "I've heard that Samson moves its people around a lot," she comments a bit warily, and abruptly he understands the flash. She assumes that he's only here short-term – that he'll leave again the way he did last time.

"Sometimes they do," he admits with a shrug. "But they told me this would be permanent." He meets her eyes briefly, the side of his mouth tightening as he tries to judge her reaction to that.

All he gets is "Oh" as she looks around uncomfortably. His hand is reaching for her arm, hoping to erase the distance between them, when she finally adds, "Is that what you want? I mean, obviously you didn't like it here at one point."

He's almost glad when someone bumps into him from behind, breaking the tension. "You're next," the balding man behind them snaps in irritation.

"Sorry," Tobias mutters, turning his attention to the frazzled brunette behind the counter while gesturing politely for Tris to order. She frowns, pulling out cash, and he knows that she doesn't want him to pay for her. It makes something inside him sink a little – a reminder of what he's lost.

"Yes," he tells her as they move to the side to wait for their drinks. "It's what I want." Their gaze meets for longer this time, and he holds it as he adds gruffly, "I let my father chase me away for too long. This is my city, too."

Her brows furrow at that, but she doesn't voice whatever she's thinking, instead just nodding in silence. The crowd around them shifts, and Tobias extends a quick hand to block a burly man who is about to run into Tris. That was always a problem, he recalls, given her short stature.

She grants him a small smile in return. "I'm surprised Uriah didn't tell me you were moving back here." The words bite into him more than they should. He knows that she's not dating his best friend's brother anymore, but he still hates the thought of the two of them together.

"I didn't get much advance notice," he explains, "so Zeke didn't find out until I was here. I don't know if he's told Uriah or not."

She nods again, glancing toward the counter to see if her coffee is ready yet. "It must be hard to leave Boston, though, after how long you were there." Her voice is strained. "I imagine your girlfriend – or whoever – misses you."

He can't help grimacing at that, given their history. "There's no girlfriend," he says after an awkward moment. "I haven't been with anyone for quite a while."

"Ah." She's staring fixedly at the counter now. "Well, it's a big city. I'm sure you'll meet someone soon."

She manages to keep her tone neutral, but the statement digs deeply into him anyway.

"I'm not worried about it," he says back. "I've gotten used to being alone." Her gaze finally meets his again, and he quirks the side of his mouth ruefully. "My social life isn't exactly buzzing."

For several long seconds, they just stare at each other as she digests that. "I know the feeling," she finally admits, her voice soft. "I haven't even been on a date in months."

The words make something tighten inside his chest, but he doesn't have a chance to respond before a harried voice yells, "Tris!" She steps forward instantly, grabbing her cup of coffee as his own name is called.

"Well…" she starts as they step away from the counter, "I guess I'll be seeing you around sometime. You know, at Zeke's or wherever."

"Yeah." He can feel his brows furrow, and his heartbeat seems to be speeding up at the realization that she's about to walk away from him. She gives him a half-smile and a small wave with her free hand before turning her back on him. And it turns to full-out racing.

"Tris, wait!" It's hard to breathe as she turns around again, raising a questioning eyebrow. "Do you have a little time?" He knows he's supposed to be at work himself, and she undoubtedly is, too, but he asks anyway. "I'd love to just sit and catch up."

She hesitates, checking her watch and biting her lip, for long enough that his hope all but dies. But then she nods unexpectedly. "Yeah, I can…make that work." She nods again as if convincing herself. "Just give me a minute to call my office."

* * *

They end up sitting together for more than two hours, talking about anything and everything as they gradually fill in their decade apart. The only topic they're careful about is who they've dated. They didn't part on the best of terms, after all, and neither really wants to think about the other being with anyone else.

"I can't believe you still hang out with Uriah," Tobias says with a chuckle as Tris finishes a long story about a prank that he pulled on his brother, Zeke. "I mean, he's a nice guy and all, but he's kind of an idiot."

"Oh, he's not so bad." Tris takes a sip of what is now her third cup of coffee. Her expression turns more serious. "Besides, he's stuck by me through a lot. He's earned lifetime friend status."

Tobias lifts his own cup, letting it hide his face for a second as he swallows the remnants of his espresso. He's not fond of the role Uriah played in Tris' life after he left.

"Doesn't change the fact that he's kind of an idiot," he comments instead, trying to look more amused than he feels.

Apparently, it works, because Tris laughs. "You haven't even seen him in ten years. For all you know, he could be a rocket scientist now."

Tobias snorts. "Yeah, right." With a sly grin, he adds, "Though his head always did belong in space."

Tris laughs again. "All right, he hasn't changed much that way. But he _has_ matured, particularly since he started dating Marlene." She smiles fondly. "They're good for each other."

Tobias probably shouldn't be as glad as he is to hear that, but he can't help it. She's _Tris_. His first girlfriend. And truth be told, the only woman he's ever loved. He'd be lying if he said that she wasn't part of why he returned to this city, even if he was still working up the courage to contact her when fate intervened.

So, he lets himself savor the feeling as they continue their conversation, his gaze hanging on her more and more the longer they talk.

"Well," she finally says somewhat somberly as she checks her watch again. It's almost eleven. "I really do have to go now."

He nods, feeling the clenching through his chest again that makes it difficult to speak. He rises when she does, though, and for a moment longer, they just watch each other.

"I'm glad I ran into you, Tobias." Her voice is soft and genuine, and it releases the lock on his tongue.

"Would you…maybe like to go out to dinner sometime?" The moment the words are out of his mouth, he feels panic racing through every part of him, but he forces himself to keep breathing as he waits for her answer.

She doesn't give one for entirely too long, looking a bit like a deer in the headlights as she stares at him, wide-eyed. Finally, she clears her throat. "I guess that depends on your definition of sometime."

It takes his brain a moment to register that she didn't turn him down outright – that she sounds more like she doubts he's serious. And another moment to remember what day of the week it is. Thursday.

"Tomorrow night?" He tries to sound confident, though he doubts very much that he succeeds.

It's debatably reassuring that she's clearly as nervous as he is, biting her lip as she stares at the table. An eternity passes before she answers. "I could do tomorrow night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have this story outlined thoroughly and have parts of it written, so hopefully I'll be able to update frequently. However, my real life schedule is often demanding, so it might be as little as once a week. Those of you who have read my other stories know that I don't abandon them, so you can rest assured that I will definitely finish this one, too. :-)
> 
> In the meantime, please let me know what you thought of this chapter. Your reviews are always much appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2: Tris – Friendly Advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow - thank you all so much for the comments and kudos and subscriptions! This is the best reception I've gotten for a new story, and that makes me excited to keep writing it as quickly as possible. So, your reward is another chapter. :-) Thank you also to the wonderful BarbaraK2U, who edited this chapter in record time when my regular beta reader was stuck with a ton of work.

** Chapter 2: Tris – Friendly Advice **

It proves to be impossible for Tris to concentrate the rest of the day at work. She stares at the document that she's supposed to be writing, her eyes glazed and unseeing, as a thousand memories flit through her mind.

She had finally reached the point where she rarely thought about Tobias. Where the pain of his abandonment had diminished enough for her to move on. But all it took was one morning together to bring everything flooding back.

A lot of the problem is that she really did enjoy talking to him. It's why she let the conversation last so long, and why she accepted his dinner invitation despite all the warnings that were flaring through her nervous system.

Which means that now she's left with figuring out exactly what he meant by the offer in the first place. She sighs, shaking her head as she sits back in her chair, still watching the blinking cursor on her monitor.

The safest bet is that it's not a date – just a chance to finish catching up when neither of them has to run off to work. It's the most logical conclusion, given that he never looked back after leaving. It would be foolish to think that he wants to reevaluate that decision after so long.

Yet there was something in those deep blue eyes that made it seem like more. He looked at her the way he always used to, and despite all of her efforts at self-control, it roused hopes that she thought had long since died.

She moves her mouse to keep the screen saver from kicking in as she ruthlessly cuts off that train of thought. It's not like she was ever a good judge of Tobias' feelings. Hell, she actually believed him all those times he said he loved her, only to have everything inside her crash and burn when he was suddenly _done_. He didn't even have the grace to admit it was because of someone else.

So, no, it's not a date. That's the only assumption she lets herself make, and she repeats it over and over throughout the rest of the day.

If only she actually believed it.

* * *

Her roommate, Christina, has always had an uncanny ability to tell what she's thinking, so Tris knows the moment she steps into their apartment that there's no point in hiding the day's events.

Sure enough, she barely finishes unpacking her lunch bag before Christina stops in front of her, narrowing her eyes suspiciously. "What's wrong?" she asks sharply.

"Um, nothing really." The comment only elicits a raised eyebrow, and she sighs. "I mean, it's not bad or anything. But…it turns out that Tobias has moved back here." She clears her throat awkwardly. "I ran into him this morning."

It's the first time that Tris has _ever_ seen her roommate at a loss for words. Christina's mouth opens and closes a few times before she finally rests a comforting hand on Tris' shoulder.

"Oh, Tris…." The sadness in her tone makes the blonde wince. "Is he married?"

"What?" Tris almost snarls at the assumption. " _No_." Her glare threatens to burn a hole through her best friend. "And even if he were, that would be _fine_. I got over him a long time ago." It's the lie she always repeats, even though no one who knows her believes it.

"He…um, actually asked me to dinner."

Christina's eyes widen to almost comical proportions. "Oh, no no no no no." Her tone carries a strange mix of panic and urgent warning. "You turned him down, right? _Please_ tell me you turned him down. That man does _not_ get to waltz back in here and start over after what he did."

"No, he doesn't." Tris' voice is flat. "Trust me, I know better than that." She meets her friend's gaze firmly, making sure that her expression shows her honesty. "It's just a chance to catch up. We started to this morning, but we ran out of time, so we're going to finish our conversation. That's all."

For another long moment, the two evaluate each other. "Does _he_ know that?" Christina finally asks.

"I…. Um…." Tris' shoulders slump in defeat. "I _think_ so."

Christina nods slowly, wrapping a gentle arm around her best friend and guiding her toward the couch. "Okay, here's what you're going to do." She presses Tris into a sitting position, dropping down beside her. "You're going to say that you forgot you had plans, and that you're going out with friends, but that he can join you if he wants. That way, he'll know that he's in the 'friend zone' – at best."

Tris bites her lip, thinking about that. "And if he wants to come?"

Christina shrugs. "Then we'll call Shauna and Marlene and have a girls' night out." She gives a wicked grin. "We'll talk about our periods and painting our fingernails and all kinds of other stupid shit and make sure he feels _really_ uncomfortable."

Tris can't help laughing at that, imagining her former boyfriend's likely reaction to that type of conversation. But then the problems with the plan begin filtering through her mind.

"Christina, we can't. He's friends with Zeke, so he'll find out if I invite Shauna last-minute. And probably Marlene, too, through Uriah. And then I'll just look desperate."

"Mm." Christina purses her lips, acknowledging the truth of that. "Fine, then it'll just be me and Darrien."

This time, it's Tris' turn to arch a skeptical eyebrow. "Like a double date?" She gives a derisive snort. "Yeah, that'll help."

Another few seconds pass while Christina tries to come up with options, but then Tris pulls herself away from her friend a little. "You know what – it's fine. I'm not mooning over the guy anymore, and I have no illusions about what this is. I don't need to be rescued from it." She meets her roommate's gaze. "You're going to go on your date like you had planned, and I'll have a boring dinner with Tobias and will probably never see him again. It will be _fine_."

Christina chews on her lip uncertainly before a long, slow sigh comes out of her. "Okay," she agrees reluctantly. "But you still want to look amazing, right? To show him what he lost?"

The side of Tris' mouth twitches as she contemplates that. "Absolutely," she admits as she lets the smile form. She's waited a long time to be able to do that….

* * *

Her nerves skyrocket again when the text arrives. She's not sure how long she stares at Tobias' name on her phone, trying to decide if she wants to read it. He's probably canceling, and she doesn't know how she feels about that.

But finally she clicks on the notification, letting her gaze take in the words. "Do you have anything against Samuel's on the Lake? I hear they're good."

Swallowing, she squeaks out something that manages to call Christina to her side. Her friend stares at the screen for several long seconds.

"Tris, this is a date." The finality in her tone brooks no argument. "Seriously, if you look up 'most romantic restaurants in Chicago,' this is like at the top of the list. Candlelit tables for two, view of the lake, champagne, music, slow dancing, you name it…." She shakes her head, clearly appalled by the thought. "You need to tell him you've changed your mind."

But Tris can't seem to get herself to agree. She _knows_ she should. Huge parts of her brain are reminding her of how hard it was to deal with their last break-up. It's something that she _never_ wants to go through again. And even if she wasn't afraid of that, she's not at all sure that she's ready to forgive Tobias enough to give him a second chance.

Despite all of that, though, there's a small part of her that can't help dwelling on how he acted this morning. On how it felt to have his arms around her again. On the way he looked at her with so much hope and regret. And on the depth of emotion that kept slipping into his voice. What if he genuinely wants to try again? Is she sure she wants to say no to rekindling the best relationship she's ever had?

"He hasn't been back here long," she murmurs. "Maybe he doesn't know what type of restaurant it is."

Christina cocks an unconvinced eyebrow, shaking her head. "He knows, Tris. He's trying to make his intentions clear."

Tris gives her a mutinous look. "It's easy enough to find out," she adds as she begins typing a response.

"That's really expensive, and I'm trying to stay on a budget. A diner would work better."

She doesn't miss Christina's snort as she presses send. Their eyes meet for a second, and then they're both giggling. "That's one way to ground his expectations," Christina coughs out through her amusement.

It takes a minute for a reply to come. "Definitely my treat, Tris. Should I pick you up at six?"

Their laughter dies as they stare at the small screen. Tris can't help but think that he one-upped her quite successfully there. He didn't admit that it's a date, so she can't use that to turn him down, but he also refused to downgrade it to a casual dinner between friends.

She wouldn't have thought it was possible ten minutes ago, but now she's more nervous than ever.

Christina places a gentle hand on her arm. "Tris, if you go, be honest with him. Talk about the hard things. _All_ of them. And make him give you answers, too. If he's not serious, you need to know that up front."

"Yeah." Tris swallows uncomfortably, doubting very much that she'll be able to get herself to really do any of that. But Christina is right. It's the only way to decide if she wants to go forward with this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please take a moment to let me know what you thought of this chapter. I know it's a bit short, but the next one will be long, so they balance out, right? ;-)


	3. Chapter 3: Tobias – Second First Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, and/or followed this story! Your support has been amazing. Thank you also to my wonderful beta readers, Rosalie and BK2U, who have both helped me enormously. This chapter was problematic on a few levels, but hopefully it's good to go now...

  
**Chapter 3: Tobias – Second First Date**

"Holy crap…." It's not until Amar utters the words that Tobias realizes his boss is standing right next to him, reading his plans for tonight's date with Tris on his monitor.

Tobias can't help the flush that rises up his face as he debates closing the window on his computer. It's obviously too late to pretend that he wasn't goofing off at work, but he might be able to salvage a sliver of remaining privacy.

"Who is she?" Amar asks, his lips turning up in amusement.

A low sigh comes out of the younger man as he sits back in his seat, surrendering to the inevitable embarrassment of this conversation. "She's the one I let go."

"Ah." Amar nods a bit as he continues to peruse the list of activities that Tobias has been considering. "You must have _really_ messed up."

Tobias just grunts in response. He's not about to explain _those_ details to his boss, even if they have become good friends over the years they've worked together – in Boston and now here.

"A word of advice?" his mentor offers after another moment, the corner of his mouth lifting further the more he reads. "There's such a thing as trying too hard."

An uncomfortable feeling squirms through Tobias' stomach. "I only get one chance at this," he admits quietly. "I need it to go well."

Amar pats his shoulder in an understanding gesture. "She agreed to go out with you again, right?" Tobias doesn't disillusion him, though he's pretty sure that Tris still thinks tonight is more friendly than romantic. "So, she must remember _something_ good about you." The older man gives a gentle smile. " _That's_ what you need to build on, not…." He waves his hand at the extensive details on the monitor. "Not the travel guide to all things dating in Chicago."

Tobias manages a wry half-smile at that before turning back to his screen. His own eyes take in the list again, grasping for the first time just how long it really is. Slowly, he nods, and then he begins carefully trimming the date back to its core, one item at a time. When he's done, he's left with nothing except the restaurant, with its corner table that gives a view of both the lake and the sunset, and its dance hall.

Really, though, it's better this way. It will give him a chance to just focus on Tris.

* * *

He can't remember ever being this nervous as he takes a taxi to Tris' apartment. He certainly felt plenty of anxiety the first time he asked her out – and this latest time, too – but it's worse now. There's even more at stake.

Still, he ignores his apprehension as he climbs the stairs to her third floor apartment, pausing in the hallway to check his watch. He's a few minutes early, so he opts to wait, staring out the window at the end of the corridor and letting himself remember the first time they went through this. They were both so young, mired in all the dramas of high school and family life. Not that his father counted as "family" even then.

Tris filled that role more than Marcus ever did – right from the beginning, really. She was already the most important person in his life by the time he dared to ask her out, and when she said yes, it was literally the happiest he'd ever felt. Sometimes, he has no idea how he gave that up.

Drawing away from the window, he walks the short distance to her apartment, straightening his tie and smoothing his black jacket before knocking. He's not surprised when the door opens promptly – Tris was always good about being on time. But the moment he actually sees her, all such mundane thoughts leave his head.

She stands there in a black dress that hugs her body, highlighting every curve she has in a way that she never felt comfortable with when she was younger. A lace wrap overlays her shoulders and drapes down her sides, leaving just a hint of cleavage exposed, and his eyes hang on it for a second before following the dress down to where it ends at her knees. As if the effect wasn't stunning enough, she's wearing a pair of elegant heels that make it impossible not to imagine what she looks like from behind.

He's not sure how long he stays still, staring, as his mouth dries out and his mind goes blank and every part of him absorbs her presence. Images begin floating through him of each time he's seen her in a dress – from their first date, when she wore a simple gray one, to his senior prom, where she was radiant with her pale hair flowing over the dark blue fabric. He remembers how it felt to run his hands down her sides that night, holding her hips and pulling her close as they danced.

_God, he's missed her._

It's not until his blood starts flowing lower that he realizes he's reacting physically as much as he is emotionally. Honestly, it shouldn't be a surprise. Tris is still the one who fills his dreams, so now that she's here in front of him, looking way beyond gorgeous while her incredible scent wafts toward him, his response is entirely predictable.

Still, it's definitely _not_ the impression he wants to make tonight, and he struggles to subdue it before things reach a whole new level of awkwardness.

He starts by forcing his gaze back up to hers as it finally occurs to him that he's been staring much too long. Clearing his throat, he manages the words, "You look _amazing_ , Tris."

The compliment makes her lips twitch upwards, a certain amount of smugness in her expression. "Thank you. You do, too."

He swallows hard, controlling the remainder of his body's reaction as he steps forward, proffering his arm. "Shall we go?" It takes superhuman effort to keep his voice smooth.

Her eyes narrow as she looks at his arm, and for a second he's sure it was a mistake to offer it this soon, but then she gives him a tight smile and sets her hand lightly on it. "Absolutely."

* * *

She's edgy as they enter the restaurant, looking around at the well-dressed patrons and the musicians playing soft instrumental music as if she's having second thoughts about having accepted his invitation. But when the waiter shows them to the corner table, with its incredible view of the lake on one side and the setting sun on the other, she gives a small gasp of pleasure. It makes Tobias smile.

"Okay, it's pretty," she admits, rolling her eyes at his smirk. "But I would have been fine going somewhere less expensive."

He shakes his head, chuckling. "Just enjoy it, Tris. It's supposed to have some of the best food in the city." He pauses, searching for a way to get past her nerves, before adding, "I've actually been wanting to try it for a while, but it's not really a place you go alone." He lifts a shoulder, the corner of his mouth twitching. "So, you see, you're doing me a favor by coming tonight."

That draws a snort of amusement from her as she finally lets herself relax. "Well, I do try to be selfless…" she mutters.

It's easier to get her to talk after that, particularly once they begin sipping their second glasses of wine. They're still careful to avoid certain subjects – the hard ones that he knows he'll have to face at some point, since he's not under any illusions that she's forgiven him. But while she seems to consider going there a few times, she always ends up backing away, turning to something lighter instead. He can't blame her. Those topics would be painful for both of them.

Despite those limits, they gradually work their way into the type of conversation they were having yesterday – bantering back and forth about a wide range of subjects, from philosophical to funny. It's a level of discussion that he rarely has with anyone, and it's all the sweeter because it's with someone he's wildly attracted to.

He watches her as the sun finishes setting, the last rays of the day stretching over the lake behind her, and he knows that he has to find a way to make this rekindling work. She's even more special to him now than she used to be.

The waiter delivers the check as Tris finishes telling him about her mother's new job, and she frowns slightly as she reaches for it. He pulls it away sharply. "I told you – my treat," he says firmly.

She's silent for a moment, lips pressed into a line, as he slides a credit card into the holder and sets it on his other side – where Tris can't get to it. But then she gives him a small smile. "Thank you," she murmurs, looking a touch pink.

He just grins in return. "Like I said, you did me a favor by coming."

It takes a few minutes for the conversation to pick up again after that, but eventually Tobias stumbles onto the subject of their least favorite classes in college, and that expands nicely into their biggest pet peeves about their neighbors.

"Seriously," Tris says as she tells him about the old man who lives across the hallway from them – and likes to retrieve his newspaper while stark naked – "Christina arranged her entire morning schedule to avoid him. The way all that wrinkly skin hangs down when he bends over…." She gives a little shudder, and Tobias laughs.

"There used to be a cat lady next to my last apartment in Boston," he tells her, leaning his arm on the back of his seat so he can face her better. "I like cats, so it didn't bother me at first, but then I got back from work one day, and there were cats _everywhere_." He gestures around with his hands. " _Hundreds_ of cats, all over my stuff."

He gives a low chuckle at the way Tris' eyebrows are climbing. "Apparently, the landlord had told her he'd be doing an inspection, and the only way she could come up with to hide the cats was to knock a hole in the wall and shove them all through it." He shakes his head. "I was cleaning up after them and fishing them out from under the furniture for _days_ afterwards."

There's a tenderness in his expression as he adds, "I ended up keeping the last two, though, so it wasn't all bad."

That clearly catches Tris' attention. "You have cats?" she asks, looking like she considers that to be the sweetest thing in the world. "I've been wanting to get one for years, but our apartment doesn't allow them."

Tobias can't help smiling at the opportunity she just handed him. "You can come visit mine," he offers as casually as he can. "Marvel and DC."

She laughs at the names, her eyes alight as she looks at him for a long moment. "Maybe I'll take you up on that," she finally agrees.

* * *

The waiter has to hint several times that their reservation is over before they begin making their way out of the restaurant. By this time, they're both feeling relaxed and unwilling to let the evening end, and they're walking slowly, a lot closer to each other than they were when they arrived.

"They have a dance hall, you know," Tobias murmurs, leaning even closer as he points toward the ballroom entrance. He knows it might not be an entirely welcome reminder of their past, but he wants it enough to try anyway. "I've never danced with you in heels."

She doesn't seem to mind, smiling a bit, but she does raise a skeptical eyebrow. "I can barely walk in these, Tobias. And I haven't danced in years…."

His gaze doesn't release hers as he takes note of the way she's clearly only tentative, not unwilling.

"I'll give you a refresher class," he offers. This time, both of her eyebrows rise – in definite surprise – and he smiles as he adds, "I had to take lessons for a friend's wedding."

It's not until the seriousness returns to her face that he realizes it wasn't a great reference. He didn't return to Chicago for Zeke and Shauna's wedding, after all, and now she probably wonders why. But this doesn't seem like the time to tell her that he couldn't deal with watching her and Uriah together, so instead he just proffers his arm the way he did earlier.

Her expression is still hesitant when she takes it, and he gulps down his nerves as he leads her into the ballroom. A handful of other couples are there, swaying to the soft music, but there's plenty of space left for them.

Tobias guides her to a spot not far from the entrance before facing her again. "Okay, your left hand goes here," he murmurs, setting it on his upper right arm. He can feel his heart rate accelerating from even the light contact. "Mine goes here." It's her turn to swallow as he places his right hand on her back. "And our others should be joined." He links the fingers of his left hand with her right, pulling it out to the side at her shoulder height.

He meets her gaze, his mind going momentarily blank, before he adds, "We'll start with the waltz, which follows a square pattern. You'll step back with your right foot first." He smiles a little. "Sound familiar?"

She bites her lip uncertainly but gives a small nod, so he moves gently forward, guiding her to step. It takes a few slow repetitions, with her watching her feet and him murmuring reminders, before she has it down, but then she seems to be good. Until they try to match the pace of the music.

That's when it becomes clear just how difficult it is to dance in heels. "Ow," he mutters with a wince the fourth time she digs painfully into his foot. He pulls back slightly, shaking the limb out from the pain as she mouths an apology.

"I think you're right," he finally sighs. "The shoes have to go." His eyes move to them somewhat mournfully. "No matter how sexy they are."

Her response is a chuckle. "What about yours?" she asks.

" _I'm_ not the one stomping on _your_ feet," he responds, grinning. "But if it'll make you feel better, I'll take mine off, too."

Things improve considerably after that, as they dance in their socks. Or stockings, he supposes, letting images of what Tris might or might not be wearing under that dress occupy his mind.

The music changes periodically, and he teaches her different moves for the different styles, thoroughly enjoying the way she feels pressed against him, with his hands touching her sides and back and hands.

It's difficult to decide which dances he likes best. The fast ones light up her eyes with a wild energy that reaches through his entire soul, but he undeniably loves holding her close as they sway gently to the music on the slow ones. It's so difficult not to kiss her then, but he knows that she's not ready yet, so he contents himself with having her in his arms and feeling the closeness that he's missed for a decade.

When they finally call it quits, he takes her hand casually, finding it easy to do so now that they've been touching for a while.

"Where to next?" he asks, not at all wanting the evening to end.

She considers that for a long while, evaluating him thoughtfully. He thinks again of the plans he deleted earlier, wondering if he should suggest going for a walk. But she's unlikely to accept in those heels.

"Are you any good at darts?" she finally asks, giving him a challenging grin.

"As a matter of fact…." He smiles back. "I am."

They end up taking a taxi to Tris' favorite bar, where she takes off her shoes and promptly proves to be thoroughly adept at throwing sharp objects.

"Christina got me to join her team," she explains after hitting her sixth bulls-eye in a row. "We're currently the reigning champions." Pointing to an award hanging on the wall, she gives him a cheeky grin.

"I see." His tone is stoic as he takes his turn, launching his own dart into the center of his target. "Did I mention that I've been throwing knives as a hobby for the last five years?"

" _Knives_?" She gives a snort of amusement. "God, that's such a _guy_ thing. Darts aren't _big enough_ , so you have to go for full-sized blades…."

Tobias' lips twitch upwards. "I don't have that particular inferiority complex, Tris." His eyes find hers before he raises his beer in a small toast. "As you might recall."

She doesn't flinch away from the reminder, instead considering him for a moment as she raises her own drink to return the toast. "I'll grant you that one," she admits.

By the time they're near the end of the third game, tied at one win each and neck-to-neck in the current round, they're considerably more relaxed and are laughing freely.

On Tris' final throw, Tobias abruptly leans close, his breath catching at the proximity as his lips brush her cheek. Her entire body stiffens, and she misses the target entirely.

"That's cheating," she gasps, her eyes wide as she stares at Tobias.

He cocks an eyebrow. "And your point would be…?" A small smirk forms. "I got to kiss you, and I won the game, so that's literally a win-win for me."

Tobias doesn't miss the pink that moves slowly up her face. "Uh-huh," she responds, her tone difficult to read. She purses her lips. "Is that how you beat all of your opponents?"

It's an effort to look solemn as he nods. "Especially with guys. It's how I got this." He points to the scar on his chin, still trying to keep his face straight as Tris slowly melts into laughter. She knows perfectly well how he _really_ got that injury, but apparently she likes this version better.

"Fine," she drawls, still chuckling, "I look forward to watching your next game with Zeke, then."

There's a pause as it occurs to both of them that she just promised they'd get together again. She didn't specify the nature of it, but he'll take it anyway.

"Want to play pool?" he asks her with a grin.

* * *

It's late by the time they return to Tris' apartment. She seems inclined to say goodnight in the taxi, looking tired and perhaps a bit nervous again. But she doesn't outright object when he insists on walking her to her door. He returns the favor by staying silent when she heads for the elevator, knowing that he can handle the claustrophobia of a quick ride better than she can manage stairs in those heels.

"I'm really glad we did this," he tells her as they step out onto her floor.

She bites her lip, smiling. "Me too." They walk the last few feet to her apartment door before she adds, "It was a lot more fun than I expected."

"Oh?" He lifts a questioning eyebrow. "Were your expectations that low, or was the evening that good?"

She laughs. "Maybe a little of both." To his surprise, she touches him lightly on the chest – perhaps in an old habit she doesn't even realize she's doing. "But mostly the second one."

He nods, finding it difficult to breathe as his body seems to drift closer to her on its own. "Can we do it again?" he asks softly.

She's silent, suddenly seeming to notice just how near he is. It takes her a second to nod, her eyes a bit wide. "Yes," she whispers. The word sends a surge of joy through him.

His fingers move lightly over a few strands of her hair as his gaze finds its way to her lips. "I really want to kiss you, Tris…."

There's no way to miss how she stiffens at that, or the way uncertainty fills her face. She pulls back a few inches, her hands fidgeting with her lace wrap in a sudden attack of nerves. "We…already tried that once, Tobias." Her voice breaks a little. "And it didn't work. You don't _really_ want to go down that path again, do you?"

"Yes." He doesn't even hesitate. "I do." His gaze locks on hers, watching gray swirl into the blue. "Very. _Very._ Much." He moves a little closer, his voice softening. "The question is…do you?"

She backs away again, biting at her lip as her fingers reach for the doorframe, seeming to seek support. "I…I don't know…."

An ache is spreading through his chest at her doubt, but he pushes it down, knowing that he has exactly one opportunity left to ever get his second chance. "If you don't feel anything for me, Tris," he murmurs through his tight throat, "then tell me that. But please don't say no just because of how things ended before. I've had ten years to figure out what I do and don't want, and I won't let anyone get in the way of it this time."

She swallows hard, her eyes flitting everywhere but to him as she debates. He wants desperately to convince her – to somehow say the magic words that will erase her pain and fear and distrust – but there are none. So, he waits, forgetting to breathe as he focuses on every nuance of her expression.

"I…I don't think I can make that decision yet," she finally whispers. She looks up at him almost defiantly. "I need more time. And there are…discussions…that we would need to have first, which I don't want to start right now." Her eyes harden, and he knows exactly what type of discussions she means. The ones they've been avoiding about why he called it off and what happened in their time apart. He nods in acknowledgement.

She clears her throat. "If you're serious about wanting to try, we can spend more time together. Get to know each other again and have the hard conversations." The side of her mouth tightens. "And then… _maybe_. But I'm not promising anything." She holds his gaze. "Or, we can keep it light and just be friends. It's your choice."

Tobias nods slowly, too many emotions going through him to decipher them all at once. But really, he already knows his answer. "I _do_ want to try," he breathes. "However slowly you want to go. However hard it is. However long it takes. I want to try."

She's silent as she looks at him, and it hurts him to see the way her eyes are glistening. "Even if it goes nowhere?" she asks softly. "Even if we never get back together?"

"No matter what" is all he can say.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A number of you have been asking for more details about why Tobias broke up with Tris in the first place. Those are in the next chapter. In the meantime, I'll just say that if you feel like his perspective on what happened is different from Tris', you're right...
> 
> Anyway, please take a moment to let me know what you thought of this chapter. It's been very hard for me to find time to write lately, and your reviews help motivate me more than anything else. Plus, I just really, really love reading them. :-)


	4. Chapter 4: Tris – Difficult Subjects

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am truly blown away by how many reviews all of you wonderful, wonderful people have been leaving. Thank you so much for the support! It makes a really big difference to me. Thank you also to my wonderful beta readers, Rosalie and BK2U, who have both been helping with this story!
> 
> This is a long and (as the title implies) sometimes difficult chapter. There are a lot of revelations in it, some of which you'll probably like better than others.

  
**Chapter 4: Tris – Difficult Subjects**

Christina doesn't get home until very late, which gives Tris the chance to pretend that she's asleep and postpone the inevitable post-Tobias discussion. It's not that she won't talk to her roommate about it soon enough – she just wants time to mull over her own thoughts before the interrogation begins.

Besides, Tris adds to herself as she tries to ignore the way Christina is hovering in her doorway, clearly considering waking her up, her best friend should know by now that she'll get a lot more answers the next day.

And apparently she does, since she finally makes a small huffing sound before retreating to her own room. Unfortunately, the reprieve doesn't help much in this case, since Tris finds it impossible to sleep as she dwells on the evening.

How could it possibly have been so easy to spend time with Tobias when it's so hard to figure out what she wants with him?

She loved so much about the way they talked tonight, and about the way he looked at her, and – if she's entirely honest – about the way it felt to be in his arms as they danced. But whenever he nudged his way a little too close, she couldn't keep the old familiar distrust from seeping in. It's a self-defense habit at this point, one that she suspects she'll never lose, particularly with the man who caused it in the first place.

_He can't be serious about wanting to try again._

She knows what Christina will say – what all of her friends will say, really. That she should cut the idea off now, before Tobias can hurt her again. But no matter how much most of her agrees with that concept, she can't deny that there's a stubborn part buried deep inside that desperately wants to give him a second chance.

After all, when things were good with them, they were _really_ good. The best she's ever had. That's why it hurt so much when he didn't feel the same way.

She turns onto her other side, mashing the pillow in frustration as she pictures the emotion in Tobias' eyes during their final conversation of the night. She absolutely believed him then. It was impossible not to. And yet he looked at her exactly that same way the day he left for Boston, when he assured her that they would find a way to make the distance work. That he was absolutely not breaking up with her.

It took him less than two months to change his mind.

Eventually, her sleep-deprived brain begins reliving memories that she banned ages ago. Back then, she forced them out because they always led to overwhelming heartache and crippling self-doubt and unshakable depression. Tonight, though, they seem to be overpowered by the good times – by moment after moment of Tobias' gentle touch and deep voice and whispered confessions of love. By the way he used to talk to her, revealing secrets that she knew he hid from everyone else in the world. By the way his eyes would light up when he saw her, as if she were the only thing that could ever possibly matter. He looked at her that way tonight, too, when he said that he wanted to try again.

She just doesn't know how to believe that look anymore.

At some point, sleep finally claims her, pulling her into dreams of ocean blue and soft caresses and hard bodies and scents that surround her and fill her in every possible way. She's embarrassingly aroused when she wakes up to the sound of her phone receiving a text.

"Been thinking about you all night."

She has to double-check the name to be sure it's from Tobias, since for one strange, sleepy moment it seems like her phone has just read her own mind.

"You set the pace," he adds, "so if I'm pushing, tell me. But I'd like to see you today." She doesn't answer, her dreams too fresh in her head for her to dare. "Navy Pier? It's a nice day, and you could wear comfortable shoes. :-)"

For a very long minute, she debates. But the apartment is silent enough for her to know that Christina is still asleep, and if she has to choose between being drilled about her confused thoughts or going out with the man she just had a wet dream about, she knows which one she prefers.

"I'll meet you there in an hour."

* * *

Tobias is dressed casually today, unlike the morning in the café and whatever term should be used for last night. He still looks _good_ , though, with his short dark hair looking perfectly wind-tousled and his blue jeans and black T-shirt just tight enough to hint at how much muscle he's gained over the years.

Some part of her finds it unfair that he looks even better now than he used to. Why couldn't he have gone downhill, gaining weight and going bald and losing teeth, instead of looking like _this_? It makes them even more unequal – and gives him even more reason to leave again.

Judging by the way his eyes hang on her as she approaches, he doesn't mind her own informal attire – which, come to think of it, isn't much different than what he's wearing, except that her jeans are a little darker, and her T-shirt is a deep purple.

He gives her a small smile as he steps towards her, his hands lifting as if he's forgotten for a moment that he doesn't greet her with a hug and a kiss anymore. He lets them drop awkwardly at her questioning look.

"Hi," he murmurs instead, standing a bit too close for friends. She should object, some distant part of her knows, but it's impossible to do that while she's dealing with the inferno of sparks that his proximity sends flying through her. _Why the hell can't she feel that with anyone else?_

"Hello," she mutters, finding it difficult to look anywhere as flashes of her dream find their way into her consciousness again.

"Did you want to go on a boat ride," he offers uncertainly, "or play mini-golf, or just walk around, or…."

"Let's go on some rides," she says quickly, wanting the distraction of other people around them. He nods, looking up at the Ferris wheel, and it abruptly occurs to her that the suggestion is problematic. That's where they first kissed.

"And play some mini-golf," she adds uneasily. His gaze meets hers, and she gives him a nervous smile. "We can start with the golf."

The course is surprisingly empty, giving them more opportunity to talk than Tris wants under the circumstances. But they don't, and it's not until they've both been silent for several minutes that Tris realizes just how jittery Tobias looks. She was too caught up in her own thoughts to notice earlier.

"So," she says, deciding to break the tension one way or another. "You thought about me all night, huh?"

"Yeah." He bites his lip before tapping the ball a little too hard. They both watch as it rolls past the hole. "I…um…couldn't sleep."

A chill drops through her at his evasive tone, and she can't help wondering if he's already changed his mind and is searching for a way to let her down easily. If so, it's better to know now.

"In what ways?"

Her hands are shaking as she takes her own shot, so she's not surprised when the ball hits the edge much too hard and bounces off the course.

They stare after it as Tobias answers. "Several, I guess." He swallows. "I thought a lot about how great it was to talk to you, and see you, and…dance with you." There's a hesitation on the last part that makes her think he was going to say something else. That maybe he enjoyed their physical contact as much as she did.

He clears his throat. "And I've waited a long time to be able to say…some of the things I did last night." His gaze seeks hers, though she only meets it briefly before starting to search for her ball. He follows her. "I want you to know that I'm serious about this, Tris." His voice is deep. "I've wanted to try again for a lot longer than I think you realize."

That surprises her, and she finds herself frozen in place, bent halfway to the ground with her hand extended toward her ball.

"Okay…." It's a short word, but she stumbles over it anyway.

"I know you're unsure about this, and about me, and I understand that." He scratches the back of his neck uncomfortably. "I always knew that I hurt you when I broke it off, but I didn't…." His breathing is uneven, and his Adam's apple bobs up and down. "I didn't realize how much," he finally whispers. She straightens up, staring at him now. "The look on your face last night, Tris…. I never wanted to do that to you. I swear I didn't."

There's a deep anguish in his tone, and for a moment it connects with all of the pain that she's kept bottled up inside her for so long. It's almost enough to make her let it out right now, but she sees a family moving along the hole behind him, and she knows that she can't be one of those crazy women who yells at her former boyfriend in front of everyone, shouting out everything that she's ever wanted to throw at him for the world to hear.

"Tobias," she says firmly, "we are _not_ having that discussion here. Not in public."

He follows her gaze to the family, watching as a little girl calls out in excitement about her shot. "Yeah," he agrees stiffly. Turning back to Tris, he adds, "I cleaned my apartment, since I was up anyway. Maybe we could go there later and talk?" He gives her a small, sad smile. "Just talk. I'm not under any illusions about more."

She debates that for a long time as they complete the current hole and move on to the next one. She's not at all sure that she's comfortable going to his place yet, let alone having this type of conversation there. But the selfish part of her knows that if it goes badly, it will be better not to have it associated with her own apartment. Plus, she certainly doesn't want to have this discussion in front of Christina – or anyone else, for that matter.

So, she finally nods, biting her lip. "Maybe. After we're done here." It's all she can get herself to say.

* * *

There's something magical about Tobias' presence, she decides as they near the end of the miniature golf course. No matter how confused she feels, or how difficult things get between them, it never seems to take long before she's somehow forgetting her nerves and is enjoying his company. He shouldn't be able to affect her like that after their history, but he does.

"It is _not_ a hole in one if it's the wrong hole," she huffs in some mixture of amusement and competitiveness as she pulls his scorecard from his hand, using her own pencil to cross out the "one" he just recorded. He's smirking widely.

"Show me where in the rules it says that," he insists, stretching a hand out for his paper. She brushes past him, dangling it just out of his reach.

"The same place it says this," she quips back as she steps over to the correct hole and drops her ball into it. "There. A hole in one!" He's full-out grinning as she makes a show of recording that on her own sheet.

"That seems fair," he comments agreeably as he reaches down, swiping her ball from the hole in a single fluid motion. He promptly lobs it across the course toward a hole they played earlier. "Oh, dear," he says, deadpan. "You'll have to add to your score on that hole."

She laughs despite herself. "True, true…" she answers as she moves past him – spinning at the last second to grab for his ball, which he's holding in his other hand. He apparently anticipated the move, though, since he immediately lifts it over his head, hanging it there teasingly as she stretches up for it.

She jabs at his ribs instead, grinning as he drops his club and attempts to ward her off. It gives her a brief opportunity to reach for the ball, and for a few seconds, they struggle over it. And then she remembers his tactic from last night, and before she can over-think it, her lips are on his cheek. His arms immediately go flaccid in surprise, and she wrenches the ball from his loose fingers.

"Hah!" she shouts as she pulls away from him, throwing the ball as far as she can before turning back to him. He looks vaguely stunned, and she can't help the satisfied smirk that crosses her features. "You're right – that _is_ an effective approach."

"I'm still going to call that my win," he murmurs, touching his cheek as his own lips curve upwards.

Her mouth is open to answer when she catches a movement from behind him and realizes that their antics have drawn one of the attendants. He's a thin, short teenager, and he looks thoroughly terrified by the prospect of trying to kick a six-foot-two, well-muscled, utterly intimidating _Tobias_ off the course.

"Um…" he says jumpily, "you're really not allowed to throw balls."

For a second, they both look at the poor timid kid, and then they glance at each other, biting back their amusement. Tris is stepping forward to apologize when Tobias' sly voice stops her. "Show me where in the rules it says that." His gaze is on her, and his lips are quivering in an attempt to keep a straight face, and she can barely suppress her own laughter as she smacks him in the chest.

"Sorry," she tells the attendant firmly, before taking Tobias' arm and pulling him toward the exit. "We'll just be going now."

The teenager mouths some kind of relieved "Thank you" to her as they pass, but she barely notices. Her eyes are on Tobias as his hand reaches for hers, their fingers interlacing so naturally it should scare her. And there he is with that look again – the one that says she's the only thing in the world that matters…. It makes her stomach tingle in all kinds of ways, but she can't quite decide if that's a good or bad thing.

They end up having a blast with the remote control boats next, racing each other across the water, each attempting to block the other's boat from catching up as their competitiveness rises again. Tris wins by a hair, but when she turns triumphantly to Tobias afterwards, she has to wonder if maybe he let her. There's something in his expression that makes it unclear. Or maybe he was hoping for an excuse for another kiss….

She's still debating that when she leads him to the Ferris wheel, looking up at it as it towers over the pier. The line happens to be short, which is probably a good thing, given the anxiety she feels at going on this particular ride with this particular man. But somehow it seems like the day would be incomplete without it, so she gets in line anyway. Tobias stands a little closer than usual, his breathing uneven, and she can only assume that he's as nervous about this as she is.

The attendant gives them their own car, sitting them opposite each other to keep it balanced, and they begin the slow rise. Tris tries to keep her eyes on the landscape, hoping to shut out the memories this ride evokes, but it's impossible not to picture the way Tobias looked the first time they came up here – the first time his lips ever touched hers. She still remembers the way everything inside her lit up in response.

It's not until they're near the top that Tris abruptly remembers Tobias' fear of heights. He didn't say anything as they were in line, and he's dealt with it so well in the past that she had forgotten. She feels a twinge of guilt as she looks at him now, though, seeing the way his wide eyes are focused on her as if she's his lifeline to the ground.

For a brief time, she wonders why on earth he came up here, but then the answer settles into her with utter certainty. He's here for her – just so she can enjoy a view that terrifies him. He's _here_ , even though he's so afraid he can barely breathe, and even though his mind must be screaming that he absolutely shouldn't be doing this. He's here despite all that, _for her_.

The realization sends a flood of warmth through her, but it also does something more. It inspires her, and challenges her. He keeps taking chances to try to bring them closer, while she keeps pushing him away because she's afraid of getting hurt again. That's not how she wants to be.

Her gaze locks onto his as she thinks about the courage it took for him to ask her out, and to say that he wants to try again, and to invite her over for a conversation that can't possibly be easy for him to face. And suddenly she wants to be that brave – to take that same kind of chance, even if it's only for a moment….

Her body figures it out before her mind does, as she leans forward and presses her lips to his. The action brings every doubt that she has to the surface, but it also brings a strange sort of certainty. She spent a decade thinking that she'd never have this chance again. And now, no matter what happens next, at least she'll have this closure.

Tobias freezes at the contact, his breath stopping and his eyes widening even more, but then he pulls her close, latching onto her lips as if they're the only water he'll ever find in a vast desert. And then they're kissing with a depth that makes it impossible to remember any fear. It's everything it always was, as her entire body responds, and his arms wrap around her, and their mouths connect with an intensity that she can't remember ever experiencing with anyone else.

They don't stop at a single kiss, either, instead repeating the gesture, deeper each time, for several minutes as the car swings back and forth and the air rushes past them.

When they finally stop, needing to get air into their lungs, he stares at her with something akin to awe. His fingers lightly caress her face.

She clears her throat, feeling a need to push back on any expectations that he might be forming. "Just to clarify, that doesn't mean we're back together." She can feel the flush rising up her face. "I just wanted to do that."

Slowly, Tobias nods, a smile beginning to form despite her words. "Okay," he murmurs as he leans forward, claiming her lips again briefly. "But just to clarify on my part, you are absolutely welcome to do that _any time you want_."

She laughs, and he chuckles, too, as he begins placing light kisses along her jawline and toward her ear. "You're still better at that than anyone else, you know," he whispers against her skin.

"Mmm." Tris' fingers find their way into Tobias' hair, holding him close as she enjoys the sensations he's creating against her neck. "That's because we were each other's first kiss." She tilts her head to give him better access. "We figured out what we liked together, so of course no one else will ever seem as good."

Tobias pauses in his ministrations, apparently considering that. There's a smirk on his face when he pulls back just far enough to meet her gaze. "Do you think that's true of 'other things' too?"

The comment draws another laugh from Tris. "We are _not_ finding that out today, Tobias."

His deep chuckle warms her as he pulls her close again, smiling tenderly. "Not a problem," he whispers before bringing her mouth to his again. "I am more than happy with this."

* * *

Tobias' apartment is compact but well laid out. The front door enters into a comfortable living room, which in turn connects to the single bedroom and to an efficiency kitchen. Presumably, the bathroom is attached to the bedroom since she can't see it.

She doesn't have time to let her nerves get the better of her, because they're barely in the door before two cats come over to greet them. Tris smiles at the sight of them, watching as the tabby stops to stare at her, its back raised uncertainly. The white cat, on the other hand, instantly rubs against her legs as it meows, tail held high as it moves happily between her and Tobias.

Her former boyfriend leans down, scooping up the white cat and nuzzling it affectionately for a second. "This is Marvel," he tells Tris as he holds the cat out to sniff at her extended hand. It takes him no time at all to start purring, nudging his head into her hand as if she's a lifelong friend.

She smiles as the feline all but climbs into her arms in his desire to reach her other hand, too. Tobias grins, shrugging Marvel the rest of the way toward her, and she takes him while he steps over to the second cat. "Come on, DC," he murmurs as he soothes his second pet. Judging by the way the tabby is watching her warily, he's not nearly as fond of strangers as Marvel is.

Tobias picks him up, rubbing his neck for a minute to reassure him that everything is okay before extending him just a little toward Tris. He pulls back quickly when the tabby hisses and begins struggling wildly.

"Okay," Tobias says as the cat launches himself from his grip and tears away to hide. "I guess you'll meet him later."

"Cats usually like me…" Tris mutters, looking after DC with a touch of sadness. Despite the way Marvel is purring up a storm as he rubs his head against her, she can't help but feel somewhat rejected.

"He's just not used to other people," Tobias says quickly, trying to reassure her. "And he's still a little shell-shocked from the move."

He glances around at the sparsely-decorated apartment, with its brown leather couch and matching recliner set up in an L shape around a coffee table. "The company gave me a choice of moving my stuff here or buying new." He shrugs. "And since I didn't have anything I cared about, I figured it was a good chance to replace my furniture, so I brought almost nothing here with me."

He reaches out, his fingers rubbing Marvel's neck in a practiced manner. "I didn't think about how that would affect the cats. They went to a totally new place with all new stuff and no familiar scents, and it thoroughly freaked them out."

Tris nods, remembering from her childhood that cats get much more attached to their territory than dogs do and have a hard time moving. Still, she has to admit that some small part of her is glad that Tobias' furniture is all new. This way, she won't have to picture him being on it with other women.

"Anyway," Tobias continues, gesturing toward the couch as his expression turns more somber. "Have a seat."

Tris can't help swallowing hard as she does, suddenly keenly aware of the reason she's here. They've deferred this talk for as long as they can, and she knows it, but that doesn't make it any easier to face.

She holds Marvel close to her chest as she deliberately sits in the middle of the loveseat, not leaving enough room for Tobias beside her. She can't have this discussion with him right next to her.

It takes him a second to get the hint, but then he perches on the recliner, a bit too upright to be at ease. They're silent for close to a minute, both way beyond nervous, while Marvel's loud purring fills the room. They watch him as he walks back and forth across Tris' legs, rubbing against her sides and arms before eventually curling into a ball on her lap.

There's something comforting about his presence, and about the way his purring vibrates through her body. It gives her the courage to finally look up at Tobias.

His gaze is already on her, his expression serious. "I assume you want to start," he says gently.

She closes her eyes for a second, taking a deep breath, as she tries to figure out where to begin. What comes out of her mouth surprises her. "How many women have you dated?"

Tobias' brows furrow, and she can tell he wasn't expecting that one right off the bat. Maybe he assumed she'd ask something about them, like why he called it off, but she knows herself well enough to realize she needs to work up to that.

"Do you really want to go there?" he inquires uncertainly. "Because I don't want to know _your_ answers to those kinds of questions."

Tris nods, biting her lip. "I can't do this without knowing what I'm getting into, Tobias."

He gives a long sigh, leaning back into the chair somewhat. "Okay." His voice is resigned. "What do you want to know? How many women I got past the first date with? How many I slept with? How many I called my girlfriend?"

There's a bitterness to his tone that makes Tris' chest tighten. She doesn't _want_ to hear any of those answers, even though she knows she needs to. She decides to postpone it for another few seconds. "Have you gotten anyone pregnant?" she asks instead.

That startles Tobias, probably because of what it implies about Tris' own experiences. "No," he states shortly, eying her narrowly. "No scares, either. I've always been careful."

He's clearly on the fence about asking for her own history, but he doesn't, and she chooses not to volunteer it. She's not ready yet to share those horrible two weeks, when she let Peter pressure her into something she wasn't ready for – and which he turned out not to be, either, since he didn't have a condom. It was an incredible relief when the tests came back negative, despite what else they showed.

Nodding, she asks, "Um, how many women have you…had to be careful with?"

Tobias takes a moment to mentally count before saying flatly, "Eight." Tris thinks about that. On the surface, it sounds high, even though she knows that eight partners in ten years isn't outrageous at all. It's not even that much higher than her own count of five. She just doesn't want to think about him with that many others. Or any, for that matter.

"What's the longest you were with any of them?"

"Six months to the day." His mouth quirks a little. "She got mad that I forgot our six-month anniversary, and she wanted to know how I envisioned our future together." He gives an awkward half-shrug. "She didn't like the answer."

Tris nods thoughtfully. "I had something similar happen." She shifts a bit in her seat, uncomfortable with the memory. "Al asked me to marry him on our one-year anniversary." She's vaguely aware that Tobias' entire body has stiffened. "And…um…we broke up when I turned him down."

Neither of them says anything for a minute as she debates telling him how bad she felt after that. Al had been so in love with her, and she had thought that maybe she returned his affection. She _wanted_ to think it, anyway, but the reality was that she'd never felt for him what she had for Tobias. So, ultimately, when she had to say no, she felt like she'd led him on all that time. Like she was doing the same thing that Tobias had done to her, and she hated the idea of inflicting that kind of pain. She didn't date anyone else for a very long time after that.

But she can't seem to say any of that aloud, so instead she asks, "How many of them did you love?"

Tobias sits back, looking at her steadily as he seems to debate how to answer. "That would be none." A muscle in his jaw tightens. "You're the only one to ever make that list."

She twists her fingers, her stomach constricting at the emotions those words evoke. She doesn't quite know what her own response would be. She loved Uriah, of course, and still does, but she can't say that she was ever _in love_ with him. The closest she came to that was probably with Matthew, but it was still much shallower than what she had with Tobias.

She nods a bit, uneasily, before the impact of his words hits her. If he truly loved her, and not whoever he left her for, then why did he leave in the first place?

Desperate to avoid that particular subject for a little longer, she asks, "Did you…. Did you catch any diseases?"

"No." The word is terse. "I'm clean."

Tris nods again, her eyes fixed on the coffee table. "Well, I guess you were luckier than I was, then." She can't get herself to look at his face, not wanting to see his expression. "Thanks to _Peter_ , I ended up in the twenty-five percent of the population who has herpes." She twists her fingers again. "It's one of the mild forms, and I haven't had symptoms in a long time. And they say that men don't usually get symptoms at all. But I guess you should know, anyway." She raises a shoulder. "So you can decide if you want to go down that road."

Tobias is silent and still for a long time. His voice is deep when he finally says, "I'll take my chances." She's startled into looking up again. He's staring at her evenly, undefined emotions burning deeply in his eyes.

"Don't just say things like that," Tris snaps, suddenly furious with him for so many things beyond this conversation. "You need to _think_ , and decide if this is really worth it."

His response is immediate. "I already know that answer." He refuses to look away. "Do you have any idea how many times I've thought about you over the years? About what we had? How many times I've wanted to find you and try again?" He shakes his head, his mouth set in a line. " _I'll take my chances, Tris._ "

It's her turn to be silent, as confusion and hope and fear take away her ability to talk. If anything was going to scare him off, it should have been that. Maybe Christina was wrong. And yet….

She shakes her head. "Then why did you dump me in the first place?" She can't keep the anguish out of her tone. "You told me you loved me over and over, and then you ended it the moment you met someone else? What kind of person _does_ that?"

His eyebrows furrow, whether in upset or confusion she can't tell. "I didn't…. That wasn't…. _There wasn't anyone else, Tris._ "

She glares at him. "I'm not an idiot. I may have been a skinny, underdeveloped sixteen-year-old, but I had enough brains to spot the obvious." She doesn't add that everyone else knew it, too. She hated the pity that she had to see every day on her friends' faces.

Tobias looks appalled, his eyes wide as he stares at her. "That is so far from true…." His tone is strangled, and his expression grows even more horrified as something seems to occur to him. "Have you thought that this whole time?"

Her silence answers the question, and he shakes his head vehemently. "Tris, I didn't date anyone until two years after we broke up. Until after you started college in Chicago, and you were with Uriah, and I finally accepted that we weren't going to get back together."

She arches a cynical eyebrow. "You're the one who ended it, Tobias."

"I know, but…." He shakes his head again, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees as he scrubs his hands through his hair. "It wasn't because I wanted to." He meets her gaze, something like desperation in his eyes. "It was because Marcus started pulling crap. Calling me every day and saying that he wouldn't pay my tuition unless I was the _perfect son_. That I had to be _properly_ _grateful_. That I had to spend every vacation with him, doing whatever he felt I should."

He shudders, looking past her now into horrors only he can see. "I knew he would only get worse, and that I'd never be free of him as long as he was paying my bills." His head drops back into his hands. "So, I began looking at options." His voice is flat – almost dead. "I had a good scholarship – that's why I went there in the first place. And I realized that if I maxed out my student loans and worked a _lot_ more hours, I could manage. Barely."

He seems to sink into himself. "But the cost was you. I was all the way in Boston, and I knew it would be years before I had vacation time and money for airfare. And even then, I knew that I didn't want to return here, to where _he_ was." He sighs deeply. "And you had two years left of high school, and you had your heart set on going to college here. And you loved your family and your friends, and I knew you didn't want to leave them."

His voice is shaking now. "I couldn't make you choose between them and me." He looks up, his eyes hollow. "It wouldn't have been fair…. So, _I_ made the choice."

Tris' mouth opens in shock as for the first time, she understands what really happened. "Don't you think I had some say in that?" she manages to ask.

His voice is strained. "I was trying to do the right thing. I thought I was being selfless." He scrubs his hands through his hair again. "It killed me to do it, and this whole time, you thought it was because…." He shakes his head again, unable to finish the sentence.

"God, Tris, you're the one I've compared everyone else to since then, and they've always come up lacking." There's a kind of despair in his face. "You're cute, and smart, and funny, and sweet and sarcastic all at the same time, and you're just absolutely fucking perfect. And I was young and dumb and messed up and so wildly in love, and I didn't know what else to do."

He makes a frustrated sound as he buries his face into his hands. She opens her mouth to say something – anything – but her mind is racing too fast for her body to ever hope to catch up. It's as if her life is flashing before her eyes, as all of the collateral damage from his decision floods through her.

She had struggled with insecurities even before him, as she's convinced that most girls that age do. But when he abruptly abandoned her, it confirmed all of them in a way that completely overwhelmed her. She became convinced that she wasn't good enough – that she would _never_ be good enough – for anyone to love. That she was nothing but a short, plain girl in a world filled with prettier women, and that anyone who told her otherwise was lying.

Most of all, it destroyed her ability to trust. If he could proclaim his love over and over, making her so certain of it, and then just leave without a backwards glance, then how could she ever believe anyone about anything?

She's still beyond speech when he rises to his feet, moving to the couch where she's sitting. He nudges her to the side so he can slip into the seat next to her. Marvel doesn't even budge as she shifts.

His hands take hers, his grip somehow gentle and fierce at the same time. "Tris, I _never_ meant to make you feel like that." He grimaces as he almost spits the next words. "Like you're less than anyone else." He shakes his head slowly, his eyes fixed on hers. "You are most definitely _not_."

She swallows hard, blinking back the tears that she's held in for so many years as she finally manages to speak again. "I wish you would have called me then. If I'd at least been able to hear your voice, and talk to you, maybe I would have understood."

"I couldn't handle it." His eyes are dark, glistening in the light from the window. "I just couldn't. I'm sorry."

Tris nods slowly, swallowing down a thousand things that she always wanted to yell at him, realizing now that most of them were never true. "Tobias," she whispers, "if we're going to try again, you _have_ to let me make my own decisions. You can't make them for me, _ever again_. I need you to understand that."

His eyes close as he nods. There's a deep sadness etched into his face. "Yeah," he murmurs, "I definitely got that."

She leans into him, barely aware of the cat still purring on her lap as Tobias' arms close tightly around her. It's impossible to know what to think anymore, with so much of the last ten years abruptly turned on its head. But as she buries her face into his chest and finally releases the tension that she's bottled up for a decade, all she can think is that he really did love her. Maybe that will somehow make the rest of it all right.

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some things in this chapter are a bit controversial, but hopefully you liked it anyway. Please take a moment to let me know either way. Your reviews have been a tremendous motivation for me to find time to write despite how busy life is, so please, please keep them up. :-)


	5. Chapter 5: Tobias – Will Power

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is continuing to support this story! I truly appreciate the reviews, favorites, and follows. Thank you also to the wonderful BarbaraK2U, who is kindly beta reading this story for me!
> 
> To answer the concerns that many of you expressed about Tris having herpes, you might find it interesting to do a little reading on the subject, since it's quite different from what people tend to think at first. 90% of the population has HSV 1, which is usually just associated with cold sores; it's so common that it's not considered to be a sexually transmitted disease, though it can in fact be transmitted down there through oral sex. 25% of women and 10-20% of men have HSV 2, but the kicker is that a whopping 85% percent of those don't know they have it because they either have no symptoms or have atypical symptoms. So, Tris is literally in the same boat as one out of every four of you reading this. Tobias, in turn, has probably already been exposed to it at least once, and he undoubtedly would be again if he continued to date other women, so please don't feel too bad for either of them. It's just a fact of life at their age.
> 
> Anyway, I'm not going to dwell a lot on the virus - I just wanted to bring a dose of reality into the fic with it, since it is so common and so frequently ignored. :-)

  
**Chapter 5: Tobias – Will Power**

Tobias never used to mind Friday afternoons. Half of the office leaves early, so there are rarely meetings, making it a good time to catch up on work that requires concentrated attention. But over the last few weeks, he has found it increasingly difficult to stay focused in those final hours of the workweek. All he can think about is that he'll get to see Tris again soon.

Sighing, he lets his eyes drift from the program that he's supposed to be analyzing to the photo of Tris that is tacked above his monitor. It's the first personal adornment he's ever added to his workspace, and it garnered more than a few comments from his coworkers as a result. He doesn't let it bother him, though – being able to look at her whenever he wants is more than worth any ribbing.

His gaze lingers on the image for a while as he thinks about how tonight will go. He'll be eating at Tris' apartment, with her and Christina – and Christina's new boyfriend. It will be the first time he's seen Tris' best friend since he left for college, and he's sure that she will have _plenty_ to say to him. None of it is likely to be good, but he can't find it in himself to object. Not while part of him thoroughly agrees with her.

It's strange, really, to simultaneously hold two completely different views of an event in his mind. He still remembers his thought process when he wrote that letter a decade ago. Back then, he was utterly convinced that he was doing the right thing – being selfless and causing Tris the least amount of pain out of the extremely limited choices he had.

That was his viewpoint for years, and he reiterated it to himself every time his will weakened and he came close to picking up the phone and begging for another chance. He was always able to shut that thought down by telling himself to be strong for Tris, and to do what was best for her. It was a harsh blow to see how wrong he was.

He shakes his head, trying to force his attention back to the program displayed on his monitor. It doesn't help that it's badly written – a frustration that he's had with Greg all too often since they hired him. He knows that there's always a learning curve with new developers, but this is getting ridiculous….

His focus is drawn away yet again when his phone chimes, and Tris' image displays on it. It's amazing how much that sight lifts his spirits. "Are we still on for tonight?" her text asks.

"Absolutely," he types back, smiling at her photo. But then he adds, "Should I wear full body armor?"

The response arrives quickly. "I think an athletic cup should be enough."

"Ouch," he answers, not sure whether to laugh or not. He's certainly not afraid of Christina, but it's yet another reminder that she hates what he did to her best friend. "You're really making me look forward to this."

"She's in a foul mood, too. Just broke up with Darrien."

"Great…." That'll make things even better….

"Actually, do you have anyone you could bring? That might help."

He mulls that for a moment, agreeing with the general desire to deflect Christina's wrath, but not particularly wanting any of his coworkers to hear what she might yell at him.

It would have to be someone he trusts, preferably someone who might truly get along with both Tris and Christina. But not someone who would attract the woman he's trying to win back.

"I could bring my boss, Amar," he offers. "He's a calming influence."

There's a pause before Tris answers. "Um, isn't he married? And gay, for that matter?"

"Well, you didn't specify you were looking for a DATE."

He swears the image on his phone rolls her eyes. " _Fine._ Could you please bring a _date_ for my best friend so she doesn't rip off certain body parts before I have a chance to see them again?"

He smirks at the request. They've been rebuilding their relationship very slowly, since Tris is still struggling to trust him, so it's nice to hear that she wants to see those parts again at some point.

"Since you asked nicely…" he texts before pushing his chair back from his desk as he makes up his mind.

"Hey, Will," he calls over the cubicle wall, "what are you doing tonight?"

* * *

Tobias is pleasantly surprised by how well his friend integrates himself into their small group. He and Christina seem to have instant chemistry, joking back and forth easily in a way that nicely defuses the tension.

"Why exactly do you call him Four?" Christina asks as they settle down at the small table to eat dinner.

Will cocks his head, thinking about that. "I have no idea," he admits. Turning to his coworker, he adds, "How did you get that nickname?"

For a few seconds, Tobias levels his best intimidating stare at Will, not sure that he likes the direction of this conversation. It could easily lead to all the reasons he avoids his father, not just the name that Marcus gave him.

"Amar picked it my freshman year in college," he finally answers stiffly, "when I interviewed with him for a part-time job." He lifts a shoulder. "I only got four questions wrong on the company's aptitude test, and he was hiring for a four-hour-a-day position. I guess he liked the repetition of the number."

Will's eyebrows rise sharply in recognition of how unusual that score is. But if he knows that it set – and still holds – the company's record, he doesn't mention it. And Tobias, in turn, doesn't say that he accepted the nickname because it helped him cut all ties to his past.

Christina, however, frowns. "I thought you were working _a lot_ of hours? Four a day isn't _a lot_." Her tone is challenging, and she glances at Tris as if questioning what her friend told her about why Tobias ended things.

"That was my second job," he explains coldly. "I was already working tech support on campus, too."

There's a pause as Christina considers that, but she finally nods, looking mollified, at least for now. It's obvious to all of them that it will be a very long time before she's willing to consider actually liking Tobias again.

Will's voice breaks the tension. "I always thought it was a strange nickname, but all things considered, it doesn't seem so bad now." His lips quirk as he looks at Christina. "I mean, wouldn't _you_ want to change your name if you were called _Tobias_?"

She laughs at that, reaching out to smack Will playfully the way she's been doing all night. Tobias is grateful for the distraction, letting himself relax as the two move on to other topics. He doesn't listen, though, his gaze instead catching on Tris. She's watching him with a small, thoughtful smile on her face, and he returns it, mesmerized by her as he so often is.

Leaning close, she brushes a kiss to his cheek, whispering, "I happen to like your name." He can't help the big, foolish grin that forms in response, because in that moment, he rather likes it, too.

"So, _Will_ ," Christina says loudly from across the table, clearly uncomfortable with their intimate moment, "what is _Four_ like at work?"

"Um," the younger man starts, glancing at his coworker as if he's not sure how safe it is to joke about the company's record-holder, "well, he's pretty no-nonsense. He's great at his job, and he gets lots of work done." He nods a little. "And he's got high standards, so he's…you know…tough to please. But he's a good guy."

Christina furrows her brow, levelling her gaze at Tobias. "Oh," she says, deadpan. "I thought maybe he was a giant dick or something." Tobias just meets her stare, not bothering to retort. He still can't blame her for hating him, not when she had to deal with the aftermath of his decision for a decade.

Will's response surprises him. "A word of advice, Christina." She looks at him uncertainly, and he continues matter-of-factly. "If you want to insult a guy, you should really leave the _giant_ part out of it. Guys tend to think that _giant dicks_ are a good thing." He waggles his eyebrows as he expands his hands suggestively, the corners of his mouth lifting.

For a second, the entire room is silent, and Tobias can't _believe_ that his friend just went there, but then Christina bursts into laughter. "Oh, God, that is so true…." She hits Will's arm again. "And you know they really all have itty bitty little dicks." She holds her fingers up with a half-inch between them. "If there's any justice in this universe."

Will nods solemnly. "That's why you should always date nice guys. We have the power of karma behind us."

Christina gives a snort of amusement before turning to her best friend. But whatever she was about to say dies in her throat at the sheer level of red flushing up Tris' cheeks. And at the smirk that Tobias is trying unsuccessfully to hide.

"Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me…" she mutters, her eyes flicking back and forth between the two of them. "You're not seriously saying that he's…." She points at Tobias, raising her eyebrows as she makes the same expansive gesture that Will did.

Tobias didn't think it was possible for Tris to get any redder, but somehow she does, biting her lip as she stares at her lap in embarrassment.

Christina shakes her head. "At least tell me that Uriah is bigger." It's a strange statement, and Tobias wonders briefly if the two of them dated at some point or if she's just mentioning him because he's a nice guy…who frequently brags about his endowment. Either way, he can't say that he likes the reminder of Tris and Uriah being together – or the request that she compare them.

Apparently, Tris doesn't, either. "We are _not_ talking about this," she insists, so scarlet now she could probably start a fire. "I mean, really, what are we – _guys_?"

"Yes," Will answers promptly. Gesturing between himself and Tobias, he adds, "Well, half of us, anyway."

Christina bites her lip hard to contain her amusement, but Tobias growls back, "Leave me out of this."

Tris' gaze shoots to his for a second, and she seems to draw courage from him. "Fine," she states succinctly, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at her best friend. "Uriah has reason to brag." Tobias feels something inside him sink. "But not as much reason as _some_."

It takes a split second for the meaning to sink in, and then Tobias is smirking widely while Will makes some kind of triumphant sound, as if his favorite team just won a game. Christina, on the other hand, shakes her head, muttering something about there being no justice in the world. She's grinning, though, clearly in a much better mood than she was at the beginning of the evening.

It was, Tobias realizes, definitely a good idea to bring Will.

* * *

"I'm sorry she's being so hard on you," Tris murmurs as they steal a quiet moment together in the hallway. Christina and Will don't seem to have noticed their absence, judging by the animated conversation coming from the living room. "I couldn't really explain why you left without getting into…." She bites her lip, looking worried. "…How Marcus treated you. And I wasn't sure if it was okay to do that. So, I gave her a half-reason instead."

Tobias frowns as he considers that, understanding Christina's attitude even better now. She's always been good at spotting lies and partial truths, so there's no way she would believe his explanation without the full story.

"Yeah," he mutters, scratching uncomfortably at the back of his neck. "That always makes it harder, doesn't it?" He sighs heavily as he thinks about all the times he had to take the blame for something in order to protect the asshole who sired him. All the times he said he was clumsy, or sick, or had done something wrong when he hadn't.

"You know what," he snarls, finally fed up with it all. "I'm done sheltering that bastard. Do whatever's easiest – if you want to tell someone, go ahead. I don't care." He meets her gaze, knowing that his own expression is defensive at best. "I just…don't want to be there when you do it, okay?"

She watches him for a few long moments before nodding slowly. "Including my parents?" she asks quietly.

It's like hitting a brick wall as he remembers that their fathers work together. "He'll never believe it," he responds automatically. They're the words that Marcus drilled into him over and over throughout his childhood. _No one will believe you. Saying anything will just make it worse._

Tris lays a reassuring hand on his arm. "I don't know if he will or not, but he might. And it will have to come up sooner or later if we…." Her voice trails off, and he knows that she doesn't want to think that far into the future yet. But she's right. There's only so far they can go in rebuilding their relationship before he'll need to be around her family again. She's close to them, after all. And if they don't understand why he left, they will hate him even more than Christina does.

He drags his hands down his face as his mind scrambles for alternatives, but none present themselves. "Okay," he finally says, his voice strained. "You can…tell them, too." He swallows hard. "Or I will, when we get there."

His tortured gaze meets her sad one for a few more seconds before she reaches up, her fingers tangling in his short hair and pulling him down so he can rest his forehead on hers. They used to stand this way so often, drawing comfort from each other and enjoying one another's presence, and he finds his heart beating faster at the familiar closeness.

Between that and the emotional vulnerability coursing through him right now, certain words clog his throat on their way to being spoken. He bites them back sharply, knowing that Tris is nowhere near ready to hear them yet. Besides, he can't be sure at this point how much of what he's feeling is old instinct – leftover emotion still clinging in his heart because he never fully got over her – and how much is because of who they are now, and what they're like together at this age.

He can't say _those_ words until that distinction is clear.

So, instead he runs his fingers lightly through her hair as he breathes her scent and feels her warmth. It's all incredibly soothing.

Both of their lips curl upwards when loud laughter carries to them from the living room. "You should be a matchmaker," Tris whispers, sounding vaguely awed. "Will is absolutely perfect for her."

Tobias can only shake his head bemusedly, his forehead never leaving hers. "It was total luck."

He feels Tris smile. "Or maybe a little _nice guy_ karma."

A low chuckle emanates from his throat, and he leans closer, his breath hot on Tris' left ear as his lips find the sweet spot behind it. "Can't say that I'm particularly nice," he murmurs, "but I'll take the luck anyway."

For another few seconds, Tris is silent, but then she pulls back slightly, her hands framing his face while she gazes at him steadily. "You're a lot nicer than you give yourself credit for, Tobias." She brushes her thumb over his lips. "And a lot more deserving."

The words send a shoot of warmth through him, and his hands find her hips as he pulls her close, letting his lips meet hers the way he's been wanting to do all evening. The kiss is long and tender, yet filled with an intensity that he's come to realize is unique to them. It tugs at him, trying to pull _that_ phrase out again.

And in that moment, part of him accepts the truth. Whether it's new or old, and whether or not she wants to hear it, what he feels is real. It's the only thing he's ever been truly certain of in his life, and it's not going to go away.

He can only hope that someday she'll feel it, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't be too hard on Christina. She spent ten years trying to build Tris back up after Tobias left, so she's pretty pissed at him. She'll warm up eventually. :-) In the meantime, please let me know what you thought of this chapter. Reviews always make my day!


	6. Chapter 6: Tris – Life Journey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has continued to support this story! It has been extremely hard to carve out time to write lately, so I have deeply appreciated your reviews - they have motivated me and cheered me up and generally made life better. :-) Thank you also to the wonderful BarbaraK2U, who has been beta reading for me and has helped me to avoid repeating some phrases that I've gotten a little too used to using....

  
**Chapter 6: Tris – Life Journey**

Tris remembers all too clearly how her parents felt about Tobias eleven years ago. Their fathers worked together even then, so Andrew's first inclination was to like his coworker's son. But that only lasted until Marcus began dropping hints that Tobias was _unstable_. That losing his mother had damaged him and caused him to become unpredictable. Violent. Prone to making things up, and blaming Marcus for things beyond his control.

Once Tris learned the truth about that father/son relationship, it made her sick to hear Marcus' lies. There were so many times when she was tempted to just spit out the facts for everyone to hear. She wanted to see the shock on Marcus' face when he had to defend himself – and to see her parents accept the man she loved.

But she never did, and ten years later, it's proving to be far more difficult to say those words than she ever expected. She's only gotten as far as telling Christina, and that conversation was enough to make her not want to repeat it anytime soon.

It's not that her best friend didn't believe her; it's that she went back and questioned everything she knew from high school, and from the intervening years. She asked question after question about why Tobias didn't report his father, and why Tris stayed silent, too, and whether it was too late to do anything now. By the time she was done, Tris was a quivering mass of anxiety and justifications and doubt, wondering just how badly she had failed the wounded seventeen-year-old who had trusted her with his most guarded secret.

Tobias had always said that it would be his word against his father's and that Marcus was an extremely good liar. But even then, Tris didn't entirely believe that was true. There was certainly plenty of physical evidence, given all the scars criss-crossing her boyfriend's back, and surely that would have added weight to Tobias' testimony? But he had adamantly refused to go there, and she had respected his wishes.

Now, that feels like a betrayal – one that haunts her all the more because it's why he left Chicago in the first place. If she had said something, would he have stayed? Would Marcus have been forced to pay for his son's tuition from prison? Or would things have fallen apart even worse, with Tobias struggling between court dates and foster care and rumors until he was dumped on the street at the age of eighteen?

She knows it's a moot point, because she never did anything, but she ponders the thought anyway over their weeks of slow, careful dating. It is, she realizes ruefully, just part of the minefield of issues that seem to separate them.

But despite all of that, she finds herself drawn more and more toward the person Tobias is now. He's more mature these days – strong and self-assured and independent in a way that's extraordinarily appealing. Yet at his core, he's still the same person she loved so much a decade ago.

And they still have the same connection between them: the fiery spark and magnetic draw that she's never felt with anyone else. It scares her more than she wants to admit, and she finds herself being _very_ careful about how much contact she allows between them in an attempt to limit the effect. Given her dreams, she knows that the approach can't work for long, but she hangs onto it, for now anyway. It's the only defense mechanism she has left.

Tonight, though, proves to be particularly difficult. Perhaps it's the way Tobias has cut his hair, reminding her more strongly than ever of their first time around. Or maybe it's the way his smile reaches his eyes as he gives her a single red rose, commemorating the six-week anniversary of their "second first date."

Or it could be the way the top of an unknown tattoo peeks out from the back of his shirt, now that his hair no longer hides it. She finds her gaze drawn to it repeatedly during the course of the evening, as they walk through a beautiful little park she's never explored before. Just what is inked there? And what it would feel like to run her hands over it?

Her curiosity is burning by the time they return to Tobias' apartment, as they've taken to doing after their dates. Tris tells herself that they go there because she still needs to win over his second cat, DC, but she knows it's really because there's much more privacy. They haven't done anything that requires it yet, but she wants that freedom anyway.

"You seem distracted tonight," Tobias comments as he opens his door for her, cocking his head while evaluating her.

A blush rises up her cheeks, because she's yet again in the middle of imagining what's beneath his clothing. "Ummm," she starts, "it's nothing, really."

He raises a disbelieving eyebrow but stays silent as he closes the door behind them, locking it out of habit. They do live in a large city, after all.

"Are you going to let me pet you today?" she asks DC, effectively hiding her face by leaning down and extending a hand toward the tabby. He stares at her with deep distrust, as he always does.

"Well, I certainly won't object if you want to," Tobias quips behind her, his voice vibrating with amusement. "Since I know you're dying to rub my hair now that I cut it." She feels her blush deepen, her lips tugging upwards at the thought of stroking his head – and further down his body.

"I noticed it was shorter," she comments noncommittally as she straightens, her gaze still lingering on DC. At least he isn't hissing or running from her anymore, even if Marvel's friendliness hasn't rubbed off on him yet. "It looks good." A boldness enters her as she faces Tobias again. "I also see that you have a tattoo on your back."

"Ah." He suddenly looks almost shy, his gaze shifting to his feet. "Well, that's not new. I got it a couple of years ago."

She nods, leaning down again, this time running a hand along Marvel's back as he purrs loudly. "What's it of?"

Tobias considers that for a long moment, scratching the back of his neck and debating his words. "It's…my life journey." The side of his mouth quirks. "Which will make a lot more sense when you see it." A slightly apologetic smile touches his face. "It's hard to describe without the visual."

The curiosity that's been plaguing her all night rears up again, and she finds herself saying, "Then…can I see it?" The moment the words are out of her mouth, she thinks better of them, particularly when Tobias freezes in response.

"Are you asking me to undress, Tris?" His tone is unmistakably nervous.

She gives a small laugh, her own anxiety on full display. But there's a stubborn part inside her that always seems to grow braver whenever the rest of her wants to back down. She gives it voice now. "Only partially."

For a moment, their gazes lock, and then he nods very slowly. Turning around so his back is facing her, he grasps the lower part of his shirt. "It starts at the bottom."

She isn't sure what she expects when he starts lifting the material, but it's definitely not the flames that cover the entire lower part of his back, licking upwards and to the sides to engulf his skin in orange and red. Tris reaches out instinctively, running her fingertips along the fire, feeling the scars hidden beneath it.

"This part is for the life I left behind," Tobias begins, his voice a little shaky. "The same day I sent you that letter, I dropped another one in the mail – to my father. I deliberately burned all ties to him so that he would never, ever support me again. That way, I knew I couldn't go back. I was on my own."

She considers that while she continues to trace the flames, knowing that she'll never be able to fully understand how difficult that decision was for Tobias. It must have taken incredible courage to stand up to Marcus, and to turn away from him forever, knowing that it left him utterly on his own at such a young age.

Eventually, her wandering fingers nudge the shirt upwards enough to reveal the next part of the tattoo. Two hands grasp each other, one of them reaching down into the flames as if to pull the other out from the fire into the soothing gray band it rests on. As she runs a fingertip over it, Tobias clears his throat.

"The hands are for selflessness – helping someone else even if it means getting burned." His voice is rough now. "I know that you don't see it this way, but I truly thought I was being selfless when I let you go. I thought that you would move on to better things if I wasn't holding you down."

They're both quiet for a moment as the pain from that thought washes over them. Tris looks down, blinking the moisture away, but she lifts her gaze again when Tobias pulls the shirt higher. A band of sky blue is revealed this time, with a large open eye in the center of it.

"This one is for knowledge – for paying attention and observing and learning." He gives a strangled laugh. "The funny thing about having to pay for your own education is that you never take it for granted. I didn't skip a single class. I focused, and I kept going no matter how hard it got, and I graduated in four years even though I was working more than full-time."

She nods, not sure what to say as her gaze drifts to a series of small green symbols that drape down the outside of the tattoo into the blue. Curious what they represent, she pushes the shirt upwards to see the next part. She finds herself staring at a band of black and white that crosses his back, still dotted with green on the edges. In the center of it sits a pair of unbalanced scales.

"That one is for honesty." He swallows hard before continuing. "I started therapy about three years ago, to come to terms with everything Marcus did to me. It…took me a long time to really open up, but I feel a lot stronger for it." He clears his throat again. "And I don't worry so much now about repeating his mistakes."

Tris' breathing is fast as she reaches out again, tracing her fingers over the scales and remembering how difficult it was for him to reveal the truth to her all those years ago. It must have been even harder to tell a stranger, and she feels incredibly proud of the courage Tobias showed throughout the journey that is portrayed here. There's nothing easy about _any_ of this.

For a few long seconds, he stands still, pressing back slightly into her touch. And then he pulls his shirt the rest of the way off, letting it fall to the floor.

A massive weeping willow extends up from the black and white band, its green leaves covering the entire upper portion of his back, touching his shoulders and flowing down his sides. "That one is for growth," he murmurs. "The instinct among abuse survivors is to lock yourself in – to stay where you are because you're afraid that anything else will be even worse." He shifts a little, his muscles rippling under the tattoo. "We have to work to keep growing instead, and to truly live. This is my reminder to always do that."

Tris is finding it difficult to breathe now, and she runs her hands over the tree, following the curve of its branches as she again feels the scars hidden beneath the ink. Tobias has turned his pain into a work of art – into a beauty that captures not only the journey of his life but the essence of who he wants to be.

"It's incredible," she whispers.

He doesn't say anything for a long time, staying still while she continues to trace the symbols that mean so much. "You're the first person to see it," he finally says, his voice low. "Except for the tattoo artist, obviously."

Her hands stop as that admission sinks in. During their six weeks together – and longer than that, if she's completely honest with herself – she has tried hard not to picture him with anyone else. But it's been an ongoing struggle. Now, though, as she stands in an apartment where he's never been with another woman, and absorbs something that he's never shared with anyone, she suddenly finds it easy to do. This moment, here, is just between _them_.

She's still touching him when he slowly turns around, letting her fingers graze his skin until they end up resting on his bare chest. There's another tattoo there, and she stares at it as she completely forgets how to breathe.

A stylized Ferris wheel is inked in black directly over his heart. Judging by the faint signs of wear, it's considerably older than the tattoos on his back, and she knows beyond any doubt that it's for her. It's where they had their first kiss.

"That one stands for love," he murmurs.

Her gaze shoots up to his, and he holds it, his eyes filled with feeling. For a second they're both silent, and then his lips part again, and abruptly she knows that he's about to tell her he still loves her. She'd be lying if she said that part of her didn't long to hear that. There's a gaping hole inside her that has desperately wanted to hear those words from him since the moment she received that letter.

But it's overpowered by the intense panic that surges through her at the thought. She's in too deep as it is, and there's so much to lose if he leaves again….

So, she does the only thing she can – the only thing that feels natural and that she's ready for right now. She stands on her toes and presses her mouth to his, threading her fingers into the short hair on the back of his head and pulling him closer.

His response is instantaneous. One hand finds her right hip while the other caresses her hair, sending a thousand sparks of electricity through her as it moves slowly down her neck and stops between her shoulder-blades. They hold each other tight, kissing with a passion that they've kept submerged for the last six weeks. Because they both know where it will lead.

In this moment, though, that no longer bothers her. She _wants_ this.

"Make love to me, Tobias," she whispers as his lips attach themselves to her neck, sucking at the delicate skin in a manner that threatens to draw a moan from her.

There's only the briefest of pauses – his body stationary against hers for a split second – before he nods. "Yeah." His voice is deep and certain, and then his arms are around her, lifting her into them so he can carry her to his bed.

They undress each other slowly, their hands and mouths exploring each new inch of skin they expose as if this is the first time they've ever seen it. It's incredibly sensual, and by the time they reach the final articles of clothing, Tris doesn't think she's ever been so aroused. Tobias seems to feel the same way, judging by how hard he is as Tris pulls his boxers off, and by how uneven his breathing is while he removes her soaking panties.

"You shaved," he murmurs, his lustful gaze traveling over her, and she has to work to remember that she wasn't in that habit the first time they were together.

"Well, yeah…." She looks at him for a second, something about his expression making her question that decision. "Don't you prefer that?" Her other boyfriends over the years certainly did.

He lifts a shoulder as his gaze continues to take her in longingly. "You're beautiful either way, but…." He gives a sheepish smile. "Well, you set my standard of beauty, so I happen to think that a little tuft of blond hair down there is damned sexy."

The words surprise her, and for a short time, her mind wanders through possibilities, imagining what it would be like to never have to shave or wax that part of herself again. And contemplating what a turn-on it is to see his own dark hair forming that extremely sexy V.

She grins. "I can _definitely_ grow it out again, Tobias."

His lips curve upwards, too, as he moves closer to the area of discussion. Brushing his nose along the smooth skin, he asks, "And you'll let me see it?"

She giggles. "I don't know. I think I'll have to see how you do tonight first."

"Mmm, I see." He runs an experimental fingertip along her folds, clearly enjoying the way her hips buck in response. "So, this is an interview."

"More of a trial run," she breathes, her focus rapidly vanishing as his finger delves deeper. "A probation period or something…." She was going to add more, she's vaguely aware, but the thought is lost when he uses his thumb to add a delicate swirling motion, watching her carefully to figure out what gives her the most pleasure.

It doesn't take her long to realize that there are advantages to being older and more experienced than their first time around. She knows her body far better than she used to – which muscles to tense as she builds up and which ones to release when she's ready to climax. And Tobias, in turn, has clearly built up some skill, judging by the easy way he brings her over the edge, repeatedly, with the touch of an expert.

Her pulse is everywhere as she revels in his hard muscles, and in the way their skin brushes together, and in how _good_ it feels to have his body entwined with hers again. But no matter how intense the physical aspect is, there's much more to _them_ than that. He holds her gaze, and he kisses her, and he murmurs her name again and again as he rocks in and out of her, his eyes and his voice filled with more emotion than it seems possible to express. It makes her cling to him, pulling him into her as if she'll never let him go again. As if they'll be together forever.

By the time he groans her name a final time, pushing deep inside her as his own explosion of pleasure takes over, she knows that there's no turning back now. He's the only one who's ever made her feel like this, and she can't imagine how anyone else ever could.

The thought carries the familiar weight of worry with it, but for now, she's able to let it go. For now, she's able to focus on the way his arm cradles her as he carefully withdraws, holding the condom so it won't spill. And on the way he caresses her face as he lies next to her, staring at her like he'll never be able to stop. And on the way he continues to kiss her long after he comes down from his high, his tenderness saying more than words ever could.

He finally does speak, though, his voice barely more than a breath. "I was an _idiot_ to ever let you go."

The side of her mouth lifts as she responds. "Yes, you were." She runs her fingers over his chest, lightly tracing the tattoo with all its unspoken meaning. "It's a good thing you're older and wiser now."

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought of this chapter. Life is rough right now, between being sick, having a cat who needed an emergency visit to the vet, having a trip out of town, and dealing with a funeral this weekend, so I could really use the pick-me-up that reviews provide! :-)


	7. Chapter 7: Tobias – The Day After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for how long it took to get this chapter ready. I have had almost no time to write in the last two weeks, and on top of that, this chapter kept growing. It was originally pretty much a filler chapter, but it kind of took on a life of its own. I hope you like it.
> 
> I also want to thank everyone who has taken the time to review, favorite, and/or follow this story - and everyone who took the time to send good wishes for some rough things that were happening in my life. Your support has really helped me to keep going through some difficult times, and I appreciate it very much! Thank you also to the wonderful BarbaraK2U, who turned this chapter around super-fast, giving me a chance to post it today.

  
**Chapter 7: Tobias – The Day After**

Tobias keeps his arms around Tris in some form or other all night. It starts with him cradling her after the single best lovemaking experience of his life, while sleep slowly claims their satiated bodies. But the desire to maintain contact is too great to stop there. Instead, he finds himself waking up every time she moves away during the night, even if it's only a temporary shift to the side. He can't seem to avoid following her, pulling her close again and spooning with her in a way he never has with anyone else.

He doesn't, however, realize the full depth of his need until he awakens around three o'clock, still holding her tightly even though one arm is so deeply asleep it has lost all sensation. He moves it just enough to restore blood flow, gritting his teeth against the painful pins and needles while stubbornly refusing to unwrap his other arm from around her. Clearly, he is physically incapable of letting her go.

So, he's not surprised when he opens his eyes to the sunlight streaming over the bed and finds that she's still locked firmly in his grasp. Her head is on his chest again, while he holds her close, and he smiles a little as he realizes that both cats are pressed against her back, effectively keeping her in place against him. He mouths a silent _thank you_ to them, amused that _this_ is what it took for DC to come near Tris.

It's too late in the morning for him to drift off again, but he doesn't want to disturb Tris, so he lies there quietly, just watching her. She is beyond beautiful – sweet and relaxed, with her short hair reflecting the sunlight in a sparkling blend of blond and brown fire.

If he could change one thing in his life, it would be the way he left her all those years ago. Realistically, he had to leave, but he should have done it differently. He should have made sure she knew there was no one else. He should have told her over and over at every possible opportunity that she was the only one he wanted – the only one he looked at – until she could no longer even begin to doubt her worth. She deserved that certainty.

She stirs a little next to him, groaning in protest of the morning. It makes his lips quirk upwards, since he's never had the chance to see her wake up after a full night's sleep. They were still in high school the last time they were together – and had the severely limited privacy that goes with that – so their moments together were stolen and shorter than he always wanted.

"Good morning," he murmurs, pulling her even closer so he can place a light kiss on the top of her head.

She opens her eyes, slowly focusing on the grin that's lighting his face. "Oh, God, you're a morning person, aren't you?" she mumbles in disgust. The comment draws a wry chuckle from him.

"Hey, I woke up to _you_. Of course I'm in a good mood."

She raises a droll eyebrow. "And yet I'm not. What does that say?"

His amusement rumbles through his chest. "I see an additional reward is needed." He leans closer, dropping his voice to a whisper as he adds, "Look behind you."

For a second, her expression is quizzical, and then she turns her head slowly. He smiles when her mouth drops open a little in wonder.

" _Seriously_ ," she murmurs incredulously, staring at DC and shaking her head. "You could have told me he'd like me if I slept here."

Tobias raises his hands defensively. "Hey, it's a surprise to me, too." His shoulder lifts a little when she meets his gaze. "I've only had them for about a year. And I haven't had anyone else over during that time."

The words draw an unmistakable glint of satisfaction from her, and he smiles in return. Clearly, she likes being the only woman his cats have slept with. She twists in place so she can reach DC, being careful not to disturb him as she pets him very gently.

"Typical guy," she coos, rubbing her fingers under his chin and eliciting an audible purr. "You like it when your buddy gets laid, don't you?"

"First," Tobias clarifies, his voice deep with mock protest, "those are not words I would _ever_ use to describe last night." His gaze wanders down Tris' backside, loving the fact that she's still stark naked – and doesn't seem self-conscious about it at all. "And second, of course he does. I removed his ability to do that type of thing himself, so vicarious pleasure is all he gets."

Tris giggles. "Man, the poor kitty…. Forever deprived of orgasms like _that_."

"Indeed. It's very sad." Her scent draws him in, and he presses a kiss to the back of her neck as his lower region begins twitching to life. "We should give him all the secondhand joy we can to make up for it."

"Mmm…." Tris stretches luxuriously, rotating toward him in the process and wrapping her arms around his neck. "You certainly are considerate."

For a second, Tobias is incapable of answering verbally, mesmerized by the way her arching back is causing her pert breasts to press against him. But his body responds with its own language, and he makes no attempt to shush it as he pulls her hips closer, letting her feel his arousal. Judging by the way she smirks, she enjoys the sensation as much as he does.

"DC, my friend," he calls to where the feline is still sleeping soundly. "This one's for you."

* * *

"I think you've totally sapped my energy for the day," Tris murmurs as they lie there afterwards, their limbs in a tangled pile of relaxation and deep pleasure. "I can't even move."

Tobias gives a low chuckle, his fingers trailing down her side. He spent so many years wanting to be with her like this again, and now that she's here, he can't seem to get enough. "Do you have anything you need to do today?"

"Not that I can remember right now." She gives a contented sigh. "But that might be because I'm falling back asleep…."

His lips curve upwards, and he wraps an arm around her backside, drawing her close. "Sleep, Tris," he whispers, still enjoying the feeling of her skin on his even though every part of him is utterly sated. "I can't think of _anything_ I would rather do than spend the day in bed with you."

When he opens his eyes again, Tris is awake, propped up on one elbow and watching him. "You know, for a morning person, you sure sleep late," she comments, a smile tugging at her lips.

He returns it as his gaze moves to the clock on his nightstand. It's almost ten-thirty. "I can't remember ever sleeping this long," he answers, running his fingers down her spine until they come to a rest, curving around her perfectly-shaped rear. "You must have really worn me out."

She chuckles, flopping onto her back, effectively trapping his hand between her and the mattress. Stretching her arms over her head, she says, "That's too bad, because I was thinking about round three, personally."

There's no way to suppress the grin those words elicit. Using the arm that's already under her, plus his other for balance, he pulls her abruptly on top of him, smirking at her surprised squeal and relishing in the feel of her entire body lying on his. "My, my, aren't you greedy?" he murmurs, nuzzling into her neck. "Good thing I can accommodate you."

"I think," she manages to say, placing her hands on either side of his chest to prop herself up slightly, "we've already established that you're _very_ accommodating." She turns her head a little, giving him better access to the side of her neck. "It would be hard to be any more accommodating than the last two times."

He slides his nose along her soft skin, breathing in her aroma. "That sounds like a challenge." One hand slides slowly down her back, pulling her even closer to him and pressing his growing response against her leg. The other slips through her hair, holding her head in place as he continues to suck lightly on the soft skin of her throat. "And you know how I love challenges."

Her chuckle vibrates against his mouth, making him smile again. She tastes so good, and in this position, her fragrance is filling him. They should both have morning breath, and residual sweat from earlier, but somehow she's still as irresistible as always. Honestly, he could get off just from _this_.

But he'd rather have the rest of her, too, so he takes his time, moving deliberately across her neck while he imagines all of the things he'd like to try next. Their previous two rounds were intense, to say the least, but there are so many possibilities he'd like to explore….

Her breath is coming in small pants by the time he's unable to move any lower in their current position, so he pauses briefly in his ministrations to flip her onto her back, moving instantly onto his side next to her. Now, it's her turn to tangle a hand in his short hair as he begins sucking on one of her nipples, bringing his free hand to her other breast so he can massage it. This part of her tastes even better, and it makes him think about other areas that might be sweeter yet.

"I could do just this all day," he exhales against her skin as he begins kissing his way slowly down her body. "Tasting every part of you…." Judging by the little moan of pleasure she emits, she has absolutely no objection.

At least, not until he finally reaches the area he's most eager to sample, running his tongue experimentally along it with a guttural sound of desire. Tris' reaction then is definitely not what he expected.

She sits up abruptly, looking startled. "Tobias, no." Her hand pushes him away as her expression changes to something akin to fear. The protest startles him, and he freezes – not sure what he did wrong. "It's…." She begins, more than a little flustered. "It's not that I don't want you to…." She looks torn – apologetic and anxious and desirous all at once. "But you could get the herpes that way."

Wringing her hands nervously, she continues quickly. "I mean, I'm probably not contagious, since I haven't had symptoms in a really long time, but there's always still a chance." She swallows hard. "And I wouldn't want to do that to you."

It's impossible to categorize the feelings that go through him at that declaration. He feels a flare of anger at the Peter he never met for doing this to her, and at himself for opening that door. If he had never left, Tris undoubtedly would not have ended up with that bastard in the first place. But more than that, he feels sadness that she would deprive herself of pleasure out of some selfless attempt to protect him, even though the odds of him catching this from her aren't really any worse than if he'd continued to date other women.

The last thought draws out a deep determination that overpowers the rest. "Tris, I think we've established that it's a bad idea for either of us to make decisions for the other." He meets her gaze evenly. "I know what the odds are, and the worst possible symptoms, and I've accepted that risk." He runs his hands lightly up her legs, inching closer to her again. His voice softening, he adds, "I want to be with you, even with that chance. Please let me."

For a very long thirty seconds, she debates that, her eyes reflecting how fast her mind is churning. He almost says something else, desperately wanting to convince her, but his heart is already in his throat, and he knows if he speaks again, he'll reveal emotions that she clearly isn't ready to hear. So, he waits in silence as she comes to her conclusion.

Finally, hesitantly, she nods, biting her lip with the last remnants of her worry. He continues to hold her gaze for another long moment afterwards, letting her see his growing smile and the joy infused in it. Those three little words are dangerously close to slipping out, but he contains them yet again as he lays her gently back on the bed. "Feel free to make plenty of noise," he tells her before resuming his original position.

And she definitely does. Three times over, before his own desire becomes impossible to ignore, and he slides a condom on so he can thrust into her, seeking her warmth and her tightness and her closeness in a release that's far faster than their previous two rounds. It's incredibly satisfying, though, and when he cradles her to him in the aftermath, it's no surprise that they somehow both fall asleep yet again.

* * *

"I love you, Tris." In his dream, he tells her that over and over, as he delves deep inside her, and as he holds her, and as he faces her in the light of day. And she smiles each time, gazing at him with absolute trust as she responds the same way.

A twinge of disappointment goes through him when he awakens to find it isn't real. He watches her where she's lying, still pressed into the crook of his arm, and lets her presence soothe the residual sadness. He's incredibly lucky to have this much, and he knows it, but at the same time, it makes him want more.

She's twitching a little, her eyes darting behind their lids in time to whatever she's dreaming, and he finds himself wondering if maybe – just maybe – she's imagining the same types of scenes he just was.

Running his fingers lightly along her hair, being careful not to disturb her, he whispers those words very softly. Even at that volume, there's a power to uttering them, and he feels the emotion more intensely than ever as his gaze absorbs every detail of her sleeping form. Maybe the message will filter into her mind and make her more receptive to hearing it when she's awake….

Another noise is what finally makes her stir. Her face is near his stomach, so when it gives a loud growl of protest in the early afternoon, complaining vociferously that he hasn't eaten anything since last night's dinner, she begins her way back to alertness.

Her own stomach responds in the process, and she sighs as she finally opens her eyes. "I don't suppose you happen to have lunch makings?"

"Umm…." Tobias does his best to take a mental inventory, but he can't for the life of him remember what might be lurking inside his refrigerator. "I was going to go shopping today, since I had to buy something for Zeke's barbeque anyway."

For a long, pregnant moment, the only noise comes from their bodies, before they both sit up abruptly. "Shit," Tris says, "I totally forgot that was today." Her eyes go straight to the clock, as do his. "We're supposed to be there in forty minutes."

"Yeah." Tobias is already out of bed, grabbing some clothes, before he realizes that the only outfit Tris has is the one she wore on their date last night. It's not exactly suited to an afternoon barbeque.

"Do you want one of my shirts?" he offers as helpfully as he can. He stops at Tris' withering stare.

"Yes, because nothing screams 'We spent all day having sex' like showing up to an _afternoon_ event in a guy's clothes." She clears her throat, glancing down at the dress in her hands. "Except maybe arriving in last night's outfit instead."

Tobias chuckles. "See, that's the difference between men and women. When it's obvious that a guy had sex, everyone congratulates him. Women get this weird shame thing."

Tris nods a bit wryly. "Yeah, double standards are a bitch." Her gaze travels to the clock again. "We're going to be incredibly late if we have to go by my place _and_ go to the grocery store…. And I desperately need a shower." He can see her mind working furiously toward a solution. "What are you supposed to bring?"

Tobias feels red going up his face, knowing that she's hoping to skip the store – and that they can't. "The steaks," he mumbles.

There's another long silence in which Tris stares at him, appalled. "Are you serious? You're bringing the _main dish_?"

As Tobias nods, scratching the back of his neck uncomfortably, Tris gives a long sigh. "I don't suppose the grocery store sells clothes?"

* * *

It's somewhat miraculous that they're only a half-hour late when they reach Zeke and Shauna's condo. Tris clearly feels uncomfortable in the touristy T-shirt and sweatpants that Tobias bought for her while she was showering, but there weren't exactly a lot of options between his apartment and the grocery store. Besides, he figures, she can always borrow something from Shauna if she gets desperate; they're close to the same size.

What he doesn't quite expect is the reaction when they walk in the door together. Every eye in the place seems to turn toward them, and judging by the smirks and open mouths, everyone knows perfectly well why Tris is dressed the way she is.

It doesn't take long before Christina whisks her away into a group of women who alternate excited squeals with the visual daggers they shoot at Tobias periodically. That's hardly a surprise – he doubts that Tris' friends will truly like him anytime soon, except for Shauna, of course. She gives him a friendly wave as she wheels across the room to join the others, and he feels his lips pulling up a little in response. It's nice to have one supporter, even if it's only because he pulled her from a burning car a decade ago.

With a resigned sigh, he turns toward the guys, realizing immediately that he's in for some new form of hell when his gaze lands on a livid Uriah. He's all chest and posturing as he barges into Tobias' path, snarling, "Just what the hell do you think you're doing?"

The attitude shouldn't bother him, since it's really no different than Christina's, but Tobias still finds it difficult to look at his best friend's brother without imagining him and Tris together. And _that_ is an image he would gladly live the rest of his life without.

Pulling himself up to his full height and putting on his most intimidating expression, he glares down two inches at Uriah. "Delivering the steaks," he answers coldly, extending the bag toward the younger man.

Uriah doesn't even acknowledge that response. "You're sleeping with her?" He raises his eyebrows in disbelief. "Seriously?" Shaking his head as if that is the worst idea in the history of time, he adds, "Do you have _any idea_ how long it took her to get over you last time? Any at all?" Tobias opens his mouth to answer, but Uriah runs right over him. "You have _no right_ to fuck with her like this again."

"I am _not_ 'fucking with her,'" Tobias insists, his own fury rising to Uriah's level now. "That isn't remotely…." But his words are cut off when Zeke comes over, looking more than a little concerned as he places a firm hand on his brother's shoulder.

"Back off, Uri."

" _No._ " It's a simple statement, far more succinct than the silent exchange the two have as they stare intently at each other. But eventually, he adds to it. "Just because he saved Shauna's life doesn't mean he should get away with everything else."

"Yeah, it does," Zeke answers unwaveringly. " _My wife_ would be dead without him, so in _my house_ , he gets the benefit of the doubt. If you don't like that, leave."

For a second, as the two brothers try to glare each other down, Tobias considers accepting the reprieve that Zeke is offering. He already has enough trouble sleeping as it is, haunted by thoughts of how he hurt Tris; he definitely doesn't want to have those be reiterated by the man who helped her get over him. But however tempting the idea is, he knows it wouldn't be right.

"Let him talk," he says gruffly, his gaze solidly on Uriah even though he's addressing the older brother. "I'm a grown man – I can face the consequences of my decisions."

For another long moment, Zeke turns back and forth between them, clearly seeking a way to defuse the situation. But if there is one, he doesn't find it, and he scrubs his fingers through his short, curly hair in frustration as he makes a final plea to his brother. "Their relationship is none of your business, Uri."

It's the wrong thing to say. "None of my business?" Uriah spits, his expression incredulous. " _I'm_ the one who had to clean up after him. _I'm_ the one who spent years trying to restore Tris' self-esteem. And _I'm_ the one who rescued her from that asshole, Peter." He glares at Tobias again. "He _hit_ her, you know."

The sentence is far too short to have the impact it does, but that doesn't change the way it slams into Tobias like a physical blow. He staggers a half-step backwards, his hands raised defensively and his eyes widening as his mind tries to process the concept with the only images it has available.

It's as if she's in Evelyn's place, with his father standing over her while she cowers on the floor, his expression sadistic and his foot driving into her over and over, splattering her blood and battering her body. And Tobias is trying not to hyperventilate as he rips his fingernails to shreds in a desperate attempt to claw his way out of the locked closet, needing to reach her – to protect her from whatever Marcus is doing to cause those screams that penetrate the walls and echo around him. Something like a whimper comes from him as he tries to shield her unconscious form from the belt that keeps coming down, slicing flesh with every blow, because he's sure that this time, Marcus will kill them both.

He jumps when Zeke places a hand on his shoulder, concern etched deeply into his face. "Uri, you're an idiot," he snarls at his brother, but Tobias barely registers the words, too lost in the images searing themselves into his brain – merging Tris into the worst memories of his life. If she went through anything like that because he left….

"She said it only happened once," Uriah explains, his tone less vicious and more confused now that he sees the reaction he elicited. But Tobias can only shake his head, the damaged child inside him knowing better. Abuse never occurs just once. Who knows how long Tris put up with it, feeling like she didn't deserve better? _Because of him._

He's trembling badly now, but Uriah's strong voice draws his focus through all of that. "Yeah, I didn't believe her, either. So, I did what _you_ should have been there to do, and I made sure that Peter knew _never_ to do that again." His lips lift in a deadly half-smile. "He didn't walk straight for a month afterwards."

For a second, their gazes lock, before Uriah adds, "If you hurt her again, I'll do the same thing to you. You know that, right?"

Despite the turmoil still raging through his mind, a deep sense of relief sinks through Tobias at the threat – at the idea that Tris has someone to protect her the way his mother never did. He meets Uriah's stare, able for the first time since his return to see his old friend without picturing him with Tris.

" _Good._ " There's a ferocity in the response that somehow sums up the gratitude and anger and shame and terror that are upending everything inside him.

Uriah nods slowly, seeming calmer now that he's gotten that out of his system. Zeke, on the other hand, is visibly disturbed by the last few minutes. Taking the bag of steaks from Tobias, he extends it to his brother, muttering, "Do me a favor and get these started, okay?"

There's a pause before the younger man accepts them, giving a tight smile and heading to the small back patio. Zeke immediately turns his focus to Tobias, placing a supportive hand on his shoulder and guiding him through the front door. He presses his friend down to a sitting position on the wooden steps next to the wheelchair ramp before dropping down beside him.

For a long moment, they're both silent, caught in their own thoughts. And then Tobias speaks, his voice quivering a little. "She didn't tell me."

"No." Zeke's tone is unusually gentle. "But that's pretty common, isn't it? Staying quiet and protecting the abuser…."

His meaning is clear, and really, there's no point in denying it. Zeke always suspected something, he's sure, from the glimpses he caught of Marcus' temper – and of his friend's frequent injuries. And Tobias is long past wanting to protect his father from the truth.

"Yeah, it is," he states flatly. He stares at the parking lot in front of the condos, watching as a woman walks her dog across the far end of it. "But I told Tris."

Zeke draws his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and resting his chin on top of them. "That probably doesn't make it any easier for her to say something." They don't look at each other. "If your reaction today is any indication."

Tobias doesn't particularly want to acknowledge the truth in that. So he just nods, his gaze on the dog as it cocks a leg at a small bush. "How long do you think it went on?"

"Tris and Peter?" Zeke shoots him a quick glance, apparently trying to confirm exactly whose abuse they're discussing. "It can't have been that long. They only dated for a few months." It's a vaguely comforting statement. "And after they broke up, Uri pretended to date her until they graduated, to make sure Peter didn't try anything else."

That definitely catches Tobias off guard. "Pretended?" The word comes out strangled. "You mean, they didn't really date?"

Zeke gives him a lopsided smile. "Sorry, man, but yeah, they did. Later." He stares at the parking lot for a while before adding, "If it makes you feel any better, _she_ dumped _him_."

A strained chuckle finds its way out. "A little better, yeah."

Zeke's lips curve upwards, but the effect doesn't last long. "He's why you left, isn't he? Marcus?"

There's dead silence for a moment before Tobias gives a jerky nod. He can't keep the bitterness out of his voice when he answers. "Well, it sure as hell wasn't because of Tris. Or some other woman."

Zeke sighs. "No, that was kind of obvious when you didn't come to my wedding." He scrubs his hair with his hands again. "I wish you had said something back then. You could have lived with us. Mom always loved you like a third son, anyway, particularly after everything with Shauna."

Tobias shakes his head, not wanting to dwell on what could have been. It's not like he hasn't spent plenty of time in those thoughts as it is. "She was already working two jobs to support the three of you. You think I should have added to that burden? Or – what? Found a minimum wage job and tried to somehow save up enough for college?" He leans forward, resting his arms on his knees. "I did what I had to. There's no changing it now."

Silence overtakes them again, before Zeke risks another glance at his friend. "You never really got over her, did you?"

"No." He doesn't need to ask who the pronoun refers to.

The woman on the far side of the parking lot moves out of sight, leading her dog back to wherever they live. "Have you told her that?"

This time, it's Tobias' turn to sigh. His gaze moves to the steps he's sitting on. "I don't think she wants to hear it. Every time I try, she gets this look…."

Zeke nods, a rare gleam of wisdom on his face. "She's gun-shy. Understandably." He turns toward Tobias. "But you need to tell her, anyway. Because the longer you wait, the more time you give her to worry that you're not serious, and that you'll leave again." He gives his friend's arm a comforting pat. "Don't expect her to say it back for a while, but you've still got to do it."

Tobias contemplates that as they sit there together, not sure if he should take advice from this particular man, given some of the things he's seen his friend do over the years. But he also knows the problems that Zeke and Shauna dealt with after the accident, as she struggled with never being able to walk again. She tried hard to push him away then; they're still together because he didn't let her. Maybe he does know a thing or two about this type of situation.

"Yeah," he says softly, still gazing ahead of him. "You might be right."

"Of course I am." The answer is typical Zeke – filled with confidence and bravado – and it makes them both laugh. Zeke stands, dusting himself off, before extending a hand down to his childhood friend. "Come on. I'm hungry."

"So am I." Tobias lets a smirk form as they head back into the house. "I worked up quite the appetite this morning."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, that ended up being the second longest chapter so far. Hopefully, that's a good thing, but please let me know what you thought of it. I can't make any promises on when the next chapter will be posted; I'll try to get it done within a week, but it might end up stretching a bit past that. It's just really, really hard to carve out writing time right now. :-(


	8. Chapter 8: Tris – Someday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter took so long. I had to write it in little bursts of time where I could find them, and then it ended up being a lot longer than I expected, and then I didn't really like it, so I spent a lot of time editing it. Ugh. I'm still not entirely sure I like it, but I think I just need to post it at this point and move on to the next one.
> 
> At any rate, thank you to everyone who has favorited, followed, and especially reviewed this story! I really appreciate your support. Thank you also to the marvelous BarbaraK2U, who (as she somehow always manages to do) turned this chapter around overnight so I could post it quickly.

  
**Chapter 8: Tris – Someday**

"Fine, _don't_ tell us how it was," Christina gripes as she holds up a skirt from Shauna's closet, turning it in Tris' direction so she can evaluate how her best friend will look in it. "It's not like it was an important event or anything."

Tris rolls her eyes. "Christina, you _know_ I don't talk about that kind of stuff." But they both know that doesn't stop her from trying to drag it out, so Christina grins impishly before opening her mouth to try again.

"You don't really need to answer, you know," Marlene interjects, her tone as calm as always. "It's already obvious." At Tris' _look_ , she gives a little shrug. "Sorry, but seriously?" She waves a hand up and down the tourist clothing that Tris is wearing, courtesy of Tobias' rush to find something and get to the barbeque on time. "No one would end up wearing _that_ unless the sex was spectacular."

Heat burns its way up Tris' face. She can't outright deny it, since it's absolutely true, but she doesn't have to admit it, either. "I told you – we just lost track of time and didn't want to be any later than we already were."

"Yeah." Shauna makes no attempt to hide her amusement as she wheels past them to the front part of her closet. "Don't worry, Tris. We all believe you." Picking up a dark orange blouse, she looks at Christina. "I usually wear this one with that skirt, but I'm not sure it will work with her hair color."

Christina's brows knit together for a second before she hangs the skirt back in its place. "Definitely not."

"I can pick my own clothes," Tris mutters, but she makes no move to actually do so. It's honestly easier to let the two of them come up with suggestions than to select something – and then have them argue with her about it.

So, instead, she saunters across the room, sitting on the end of the bed to wait. Lynn gives her a half-smile as she flops down next to her, sprawling across far more of the surface than someone of her petite stature should be able to manage. She's practically a cat that way.

"Personally, I think it _should_ be mind-blowing," Lynn murmurs conspiratorially, while Christina and Shauna debate some additional items of clothing. "He's not worth the heartache unless he's the best lay you've ever had."

Tris' eyebrows rise, somewhat surprised by that comment, considering the source. Usually, Lynn stays dead silent on the subject of Tobias, uncertain what to say about someone she never liked – who then went on to rescue her sister from an accident that _she_ caused.

"What if he is?" Tris whispers back, lying down so her head is right by Lynn's. She's never been comfortable discussing personal subjects, particularly when her feelings are as hopelessly tangled up in them as they are now, but some part of her definitely wants advice. "Then what?"

A smirk invades her friend's face. "Then, go for it."

"Just like that, huh?" Tris finds an answering smile forming. "That's all it takes to get your blessing?"

Lynn laughs, rolling away a bit and flopping her arms onto the mattress above her head. "It will be a sad day when you want _my_ blessing on men, but sure – you have my official benediction." She lifts herself up on one elbow, making the sign of a cross over Tris and mumbling something in obviously-fake Latin. "Go forth and have marvelous sex, my child."

Tris bites back her own laughter, realizing in that moment just how good it feels to have _someone_ agree with her decision to give Tobias another chance.

Apparently, their exchange wasn't quite as private as Tris thought, because Shauna abruptly speaks up from the closet. "For what it's worth, I approve, too." She glances over her shoulder at where the two of them are lying on the bed. "And not just because he saved my life. I've known him longer than any of you, and he's a good guy." Rotating her wheelchair to face Christina, she pointedly adds, "Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

There's an uncomfortable silence before Christina retorts. "I never said he wasn't. I just hate what he did to Tris."

"I know." Shauna sounds suddenly tired, as if she's had this discussion too many times. "We all do. But Zeke stayed in touch with him over the years, so I've seen some of what he's been through. And it was plenty hard on him, too."

Christina sighs, hanging up the dress she was examining. "Yes, Shauna, I do realize that." She sounds frustrated. "And yes, Tris, I know that he's not the jerk we all thought he was for so long. But I'm still finding it hard to trust him." Her eyes narrow as she meets her roommate's gaze. "And it doesn't help that you won't tell me how serious you are about him, or give me _anything_ to work with. For all I know, you're fucking 'friends with benefits' or something."

No one answers at first, until Marlene mutters, "Seems a bit redundant." She gives a small shrug when Christina turns a hard look on her. "That's what 'friends with benefits' are, right? Fucking friends?"

They try hard not to reward such a bad joke, but it's impossible to ignore the little grin playing at Marlene's mouth, or the way Lynn's lips start puckering in response. Shauna is the first to break, letting a small bubble of laughter slip out. It erodes the rest of Lynn's resistance, bringing forth a rare giggle, which, in turn, makes Christina lose it.

They're all in a much lighter mood by the time Christina sags onto the bed next to Tris, holding a pile of clothes in her lap. "I just want you to be happy," she murmurs to her roommate. "If that's with Tobias, then I'm all for it."

Tris nods gratefully as she sits up, letting Christina wrap an arm around her. But she doesn't answer aloud. The problem is that she doesn't really know how serious things are with Tobias, because she's never let herself think that far ahead. And she's never dared to ask, or even listen….

Like it or not, it's time to change that.

* * *

Tris feels oddly shy when the group of women finally makes its way back into the living room. She's wearing a flowing sundress now, one that's barely still in season and only works because it's paired with a brown and tan jacket that makes the outfit more suitable for autumn. It's pretty, though, she thinks, and judging by the way Tobias stares at her openly, he agrees.

He takes her hand, linking his fingers with hers and squeezing firmly, as he leads her to the patio table that's laden with the typical Shauna and Zeke fare. The two are the only ones in their circle of friends who have anything resembling a backyard, so they've become the default party hosts, and they always put on a good spread.

Seating, on the other hand, is tight, particularly once Lynn's girlfriend, Yvette, shows up. There are ten of them in total then, so they end up divided between the dining room table and the living room, calling to each other over the half-wall that connects the two spaces.

It's a rowdy meal, as these events always are, and it seems to make Tobias edgy. He alternates between staring at his food and watching Uriah and Marlene, as if he's trying to decide how solid their relationship is. On another day, it might have made Tris uneasy to see him focus on another woman that way, but it's impossible to miss his true intentions right now. Whether consciously or not, he keeps trying to insert his body between Tris and Uriah, acting as a physical barricade to the idea of them ever being together. It makes her smirk just a bit, knowing that today _he's_ the jealous one.

In fairness to him, though, he's not the most uncomfortable person there. Yvette sits by Lynn's side, glowering at the others with a distaste that borders on contempt, as if she'd rather be _anywhere_ else. It doesn't entirely surprise Tris – Lynn has been flitting from relationship to relationship ever since she and Marlene broke up, and this one is undoubtedly on its tail end.

In contrast, Will seems to be utterly at home, despite being the only one who's never been to an event at Zeke and Shauna's house before. He socializes easily, bonding with everyone in that instant way he seems to manage so well, and blending his calm humor perfectly with the Pedrads' heartier style. He and Christina really are a remarkably good match.

By now, it shouldn't surprise Tris when Uriah stands at the end of the meal and begins an announcement. "Since we have some new people here…." He pauses briefly, glancing at Tobias. "And some who haven't been here in a _very_ long time, I think we should play some games to get acquainted."

The words garner a mixed reaction, with Christina and Shauna cheering while Lynn groans. Tobias rolls his eyes before stating loudly, "Seriously? What are we, twelve?"

"And a half," the younger Pedrad answers cheerily. "So, we'll start with 'Never Have I Ever.' Does everyone know how to play that?"

Personally, Tris thinks that it could be worse. In a group of this size, her answers are less likely to be noticed during this particular game than in some others. So, when Tobias looks like he's about to protest, she lays a hand on his arm to stop him. "Trust me," she whispers, "we're better off with this one." His brows furrow together before he nods.

Will, though, speaks up. "I have actually never played that." It's hard to know if he's serious or is just baiting Uriah, but the younger man leaps into explaining the rules anyway.

"We go around the group, and when it's your turn, you say something that you've never done. If anyone else has done that, they take a drink of whatever's in front of them. If they haven't done it, they don't drink. It's pretty simple."

"And more than a little revealing," Christina adds, nudging her boyfriend. He looks like he doesn't doubt that.

"So, I'll start," Uriah continues. Looking solidly at Tobias, he announces, "Never have I ever cheated on someone I was dating."

It's obviously intended as a dig, based on his own assumptions about why Tobias left, but it backfires when the only person who takes a sip is his girlfriend, Marlene. For a moment, he stares at her, appalled. "Not on you," she reassures him quickly. Turning to Lynn, she adds, "Or you." But as all eyes stay on her, she becomes gradually more red. "Really?" Her voice is quiet now. "No one else needs to drink?"

When the silence continues, she clears her throat. "Um, so, moving on, never have I ever painted my fingernails black." All of the other women take a swig at that, even Tris. Somewhat surprisingly, Uriah does, too.

"Bad Truth or Dare," he mutters as Zeke laughs at him.

Tris grins. "Yeah, me too."

Lynn, whose fingernails are currently sporting that shade – and who was the source of Tris' dare – makes no apologies. Raising a challenging eyebrow, she instead takes her turn. "Never have I ever slept with a man."

Again, all of the other women drink, except for Yvette, who makes an _ewww_ type of face. Will takes a calm sip, too, holding his head high despite Zeke's curious look. "Bi, and proud of it."

The statement causes Marlene to grin at him before raising her fruity cocktail in a toast, which Will cheerily returns. It makes Lynn shift uncomfortably, though; she's definitely not over her former girlfriend.

Yvette obviously knows that, too, because she glares at Lynn before snarling, "Never have I ever slept with more than one person in this room."

That's a sore subject for many of them, and Tris drinks quickly, trying to ignore the way Tobias has stiffened next to her – and the way Uriah is flourishing his drink between her and Marlene. But what catches her attention the most is the way Shauna casually takes a sip.

Zeke certainly notices, too, his mouth dropping open as he abruptly surveys the others to see who else is drinking. "What the hell, Shauna?" he demands, hurt and anger mixing in his voice in a way Tris can't remember ever hearing. " _Who_? And _when_?" It's a fair question, since the two have been together since their senior year of high school.

Shauna arches an eyebrow at him far more calmly than seems appropriate. "She said ' _slept_ with,' dear, not 'had sex with.' Lynn and I shared a bed when we were little."

It takes a second for Zeke to overcome his surge of emotions, but then a flush starts rising vividly up his face. "Oh." He takes a chug of his own drink before muttering, "Uriah and I did, too."

He has to compose himself before taking his turn, looking around the table as if searching for ideas. His gaze finally lands on Tobias and stays there. "Never have I ever left someone I was dating for another woman." At first, it seems like a continuation of Uriah's attack from the start of the game, but then Tris understands why he's doing it. He's giving Tobias a chance to show that he didn't leave for the reason everyone thinks he did.

Tobias obviously understands, too, because his lips lift a little when he says, "I'm getting thirsty here. Someone say something I can drink to."

Shauna grins at him before stating loudly, "Never have I ever climbed the stairs to this place." It's typical Shauna, acknowledging her limits with the humor she uses to face all of her problems, but it creates a touch of sadness in the rest of them as they drink. And that's particularly true for Tobias, Tris knows. He told her once that no matter how many times people credited him with saving Shauna's life, he always wondered if she'd still be able to walk if he had only carried her differently.

The bitterness on Lynn's face echoes that guilt. Shauna has forgiven her sister many times over for the accident, but Tris doubts that Lynn will ever forgive herself.

The silence continues for a moment as everyone watches Tobias, waiting for him to take his turn. He debates, his eyes moving over Tris and pausing on Christina before landing on Uriah. His lips lift as he says, "Never have I ever used this game to target a specific person." The entire group laughs as everyone except Will indulges. Even Tobias does after a second, apparently realizing that he just defeated his own statement.

It's Tris' turn next, and she looks at Lynn as she mirrors her words from earlier. "Never have I ever slept with a woman." She knows that she's in the definite minority there, but she's surprised to see just how wide the margin is. Only she and Shauna don't take a sip.

"Whoa," Uriah mutters, his eyes a bit wide as he looks at Christina. "This is like the perfect group for three-ways, isn't it?"

Tobias is the first to react, his instant "No" snapping through the air and causing every eye in the room to turn to him. He stiffens defensively at the attention.

"I didn't necessarily mean with _Tris_ ," Uriah states, amused, "though I certainly wouldn't turn that down, either." Tobias' glare is deadly, but before he can respond, Will chooses that particular moment to take his turn.

"On that subject…." He winks at Christina. "Never have I ever had a three-way, though I'm definitely open to the idea." His eyebrows waggle suggestively.

Among the chorus of _me toos_ and _amens_ and _I'd consider thats_ and smacks on arms, Tris almost misses the way Tobias takes an extremely fast swig of his beer, his expression hard. She stares at him, too shocked to look away as her insides slowly solidify and her mind fills with images that she spent years trying to block out – thoughts of him with scores of women who are better and more beautiful and more adventurous than she could ever be.

"No way!" Uriah exclaims, abruptly catching on – and utterly oblivious to the way Tris' world is dissolving around her. "No fucking way! You – Mr. 'Didn't even kiss anyone until you were seventeen' did _not_ have a three-way."

Tobias is way beyond uncomfortable now, his gaze pleading with Tris to understand. But she can't look at him anymore, her eyes dropping to the table as she tries to remember how to breathe.

"It was stupid," Tobias growls. "A last-ditch attempt to save a dying relationship. I wouldn't do it again."

The guys clearly have no idea how to respond to the harsh debunking of their favorite fantasy. Uriah actually sputters, while Zeke begins coughing violently. "I find that hard to believe," he manages to choke out. Tris isn't sure which part, exactly, he doubts.

Tobias' response is a gruff sigh. Staring at the bottle that's now sitting on the table in front of him, he mumbles, "Think about it. If you're with someone you care about, why would you want to dilute that by sticking it into someone else instead?" The vulgar words sound odd coming from him. "And why would you want to watch her getting it on with someone else instead of you?"

"Because it's a _three-way_ ," Uriah responds instantly, as if he can't even imagine not loving the experience.

But Tobias shakes his head. "It's something you do when you don't care much about who you're dating, and you're hoping that quantity will make up for quality." Tris can feel his eyes on her as he adds firmly, "Trust me. It doesn't."

There's a sizeable silence at that, with Tris trying desperately to believe his words – and not particularly succeeding. Finally, Will mutters, "Dude, you can get kicked out of being a guy for saying things like that."

"No," Zeke says slowly, his gaze moving to Tris and back to Tobias. "I can kind of see where he's coming from." He turns to his wife, the side of his mouth quirking a bit. It draws an unusually gentle smile from her, a sight that makes something melt a little inside Tris despite the turmoil gripping her. Unfortunately, that doesn't make it any easier for her to face Tobias, so she sits still, waiting for this moment to end.

It's probably not helpful that Christina's turn is next. Her best friend's brow furrows while she peers between Tris and Tobias, considering her options. As a guess, she's torn between her ever-present desire to learn the truth about everything and the wish to ease Tris' current agony.

Something like a smirk forms when Christina eventually declares, "Never have I ever had the best sex of my life right before going to a barbeque with my friends." Beside her, Will looks slightly affronted.

The comment simultaneously adds to Tris' mortification and distracts her from it. She freezes completely, staring at Christina like a deer caught in the headlights. She's so absorbed in her own thoughts that it takes her a little while to realize most of the group isn't watching her at all.

Instead, they seem to be mesmerized by Tobias as he slowly drains the rest of his beer, making a definite show of it and drawing all attention to himself. For a single second, his gaze locks with Tris', filled with protectiveness and apology and concern all at once. She doesn't hold it long, but as he continues to drink, making a stronger and stronger statement about how much he enjoyed their night together, she finds a new set of emotions rippling through her. Maybe he really does mean what he said.

The hope gives her the strength to admit her own feelings. She doesn't look at anyone as she lifts her bottle, taking a sip and dropping it back onto the table with a thud, but she does at least take the action. And she's pretty sure that out of the corner of her eye, she can see profound relief on Tobias' face in response.

He finishes the bottle with a flourish, passing it across the table to a startled Uriah. Extending a hand toward Christina, who is sitting nearest to the drinks crowded onto the kitchen counter, he comments, "Yeah, I'm going to need another one of those."

Despite everything, it's difficult not to smile when the room bursts into raucous cheers.

* * *

There's very little chatter during the taxi ride home. Tris is still struggling with the aftermath of today's revelations, and her stiff posture must be relaying that, since Tobias sits silently beside her, making no attempt to touch her beyond the way they're pressed together in the tight space.

Will and Christina, on the other hand, barely seem to notice, too absorbed in each other to pay attention to much else. So, it's no surprise – though a definite disappointment – when Christina gets out at Will's stop.

"Don't wait up," she calls, ignoring the visual daggers coming from her friend. It's not that Tris really wants the two of them around; it just seems easier than being alone with Tobias right now. She's in no mood to discuss the images still floating through her mind.

The rest of the ride is completely quiet, with Tris leaning against the door to stay as far away from Tobias as possible. She gives some serious thought to saying goodnight in the taxi, avoiding any difficult discussions for a little longer, but he doesn't give her the chance. Instead, he presses cash at the driver and climbs out, holding the door for Tris and following her up the stairs without invitation. Clearly, he's determined to have this conversation whether she wants to or not.

Sure enough, he starts as soon as they're through her front door. "We both have pasts, Tris. It's not fair to punish me for being honest about mine."

The words make Tris grit her teeth, mostly because she knows he's right. And that certainly doesn't make her feel better.

"No, but you don't have to _flaunt_ your past, either," she snaps back. "It was a _game_ – it's not like you had to tell the entire group about _that_." She looks away, trying to hide how much it hurts her to think about him with not just one, but two pretty women at the same time.

Tobias' voice is unwavering when he answers. "I wasn't _flaunting_ it. I would have preferred not to say anything at all, but I _thought_ that you didn't want me to lie to you, or keep secrets from you, or make decisions for you about what you can and can't handle." That catches her off guard, and she manages to bring her gaze to his, startled by the determination she sees there. "I answered because I want you to know that you can always believe me. That you can _trust_ me – even if you don't necessarily like what I say."

A squirm of discomfort goes through her at that, because trust is exactly what she struggles with the most. He's right that if she ever caught him in a lie, even in something as foolish as a game with their friends, she would absolutely doubt everything he'd ever said.

But does it work the other way around? Does knowing that he told her a hard truth mean that she can believe the rest? She pictures him draining that bottle of beer, unabashedly claiming that last night – with her – was the best of his life. It's difficult to accept that as true.

"How did it happen?" she finds herself asking, not at all wanting to hear the answer but somehow needing it anyway.

Tobias closes his eyes, his expression making it clear that he doesn't want to deliver the details, but he does nevertheless. "Claudette and I had been dating for a few months." A wave of cold goes through Tris at the name – at adding that detail to the images haunting her. "But we were both bored, and we knew it was ending, and I guess she thought she could stave it off by bringing a friend in."

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. "She surprised me with it, and it's the classic male fantasy, so I didn't exactly object." His mouth tightens. "But it was just awkward and uncomfortable, and all it did was highlight how wrong we were for each other." He lifts a shoulder. "We broke up a week later."

"Awkward?" Tris can't help the way her voice rises skeptically at that. It doesn't fit with any stereotype she's ever heard.

"God, so awkward." He shakes his head, a touch of amusement lifting the corner of his mouth. "No one really thinks about the dynamics, but three adults don't fit well onto a full-sized bed. We kept elbowing each other and getting arms and legs trapped and squished and bruised. At one point, I actually fell off." Despite herself, Tris feels a hint of humor working its way into her. "And you can't see much through the pile, so it's not like you're getting a great view. And then there's the whole mess about everyone trying to make sure that no one feels left out, and that no one's feelings are getting hurt."

He raises a sheepish shoulder. "Fantasy or not, it was a total fiasco, and I would never repeat it."

For a long moment, Tris stares at him as all the upset of the last few hours dissolves into an image of general bumbling and dissatisfaction. Her lips begin twitching upwards. "So, you don't think I should bring someone in?"

He's smiling a little now, relief evident in his expression. "Tris, I would take you – just you – over that any day of my life." He steps a little closer, testing the waters. "Believe me, what we shared last night, and this morning…." He holds her gaze as he shakes his head slowly. " _Nothing_ that I have done with anyone else compares to that."

The words spread a balm through her chest, releasing the fierce knot of tension that accumulated over the course of the day. But with that, her conversation with Christina comes back to mind – and all of the uncertainty that plagued her then.

"What are we, Tobias?" she breathes out, suddenly not able to wait any longer. She needs to know where they stand. "Are we still exes who are exploring our options, or…." She remembers what Christina thought. "'Friends with benefits', or girlfriend and boyfriend, or what?"

For several long seconds, Tobias meets her gaze, his expression difficult to read. "Okay, first, I am _not_ a 'friends with benefits' kind of guy." He cocks an eyebrow. "I don't have enough friends to go losing them that way." A smile tugs at Tris' mouth, acknowledging the truth in that statement.

He steps closer as he continues. "Second, I never liked using the term 'ex' for you." A tinge of pain winds itself around the words. "I didn't want to accept that we were done, and that we'd never have another chance." He's much closer now. "Besides, it implied that you were just in my past, and that was never really true. You changed me too much for that."

She can almost feel the heat coming from his body at this point. "So, I definitely vote for the third option." His tone softens. "But 'girlfriend' doesn't seem like a strong enough word for you."

Tris swallows, nerves jumping into her throat, knowing that they're dangerously near the subject that made her panic last night. But the defiant spark inside her rises to the challenge. "What would you use instead?" she whispers.

Tobias gazes at her for another second, his fingers caressing the side of her face very gently. "Lover?" He leans down, his lips brushing her cheek. "Significant other?" They trace her jaw as his hands find her hips. "Better half?" His breath is warm by her ear, and every nerve in her body seems to tingle in response. "The love of my life." She doesn't seem to be breathing as he kisses right behind her ear. "The woman I hope to marry someday."

It's not until the last part that she stiffens, her brain finally catching up to her body and understanding what he just said. But he doesn't move away, and she doesn't, either, standing there with his face by hers and his hands holding her hips.

"Someday," he repeats, his tone soothing her raw nerves. "Someday, when I've earned your trust again." She can't see his face when he's this close. "And when I've found a way to deserve you." His voice grows deeper. "And when you let yourself love me as much as I love you."

Her heart is pounding in her chest at this point, and a dozen conflicting emotions are trying to push out of every pore of her body, and she's trembling as the fear and the desire battle each other. His breathing is uneven, too, but he waits there, holding her for another long moment while the message sinks in. And while she fully grasps why he refused to lie today. _He wanted her to believe him now._

His lips find the top of her head, and then he releases her, turning and starting to walk toward the door as if he doesn't want to see her reaction. He put himself out on a limb, and he thinks that she'll let him fall.

"Tobias." Her fingers catch his arm, suddenly needing to keep him there. To make sure he knows. "It's not that I don't feel that way." He's motionless, his back to her and his breathing rough. "But that's why it's so hard to trust this." She forces the whisper out through her constricted throat. "There's too much to lose."

Very slowly, he turns back to her, his eyes dark with emotion. His fingers trace her face and her hair, tucking the loose strands behind her ears as he stares at her wordlessly. "Someday," he finally repeats, hope and love and sadness blended equally into the word.

She manages a small nod – a promise to try, at least. "Someday," she agrees softly. For now, it's the best she can do.

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the Never Have I Ever game. It's really too juvenile for the age range, but it fit much better than what I had originally, so I decided to give it a try. Hopefully, it worked okay. Anyway, please let me know what you thought of this chapter. Your reviews really do wonders to motivate me to write and to post, so please keep them coming! :-)


	9. Chapter 9: Tobias – Expectations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really do apologize for how long updates are taking these days. It seems to be getting even harder to find time to write, and the frustrating part is that I can't seem to get a good flow going in such short, infrequent increments, so then I end up not liking what I've written, and I redo it, and I just get more and more aggravated. Argh! Hopefully, my schedule will improve. In the meantime, thank you very much to everyone who has continued to review this story! Your support is the biggest thing keeping me going, so please know that it's deeply appreciated. Thank you also to my wonderful beta reader, BarbaraK2U, who has been patient with my self-doubt in the last two chapters. :-)

**Chapter 9: Tobias – Expectations**

As a general rule, Tobias isn't fond of double dates. They're awkward at best, with an occasional shift into bizarre competitions – strange attempts to show that _this_ pair is the better couple or _this_ man is tougher or _this_ woman is sexier. But he makes an exception when Zeke and Shauna invite them out to dinner.

They pick a restaurant that Tobias has never been to, though it seems like Tris has, judging by the familiar way she navigates the crowded waiting area to check in – and to see if their friends have arrived.

"They're not here yet," Tobias tells her, his extra height making it easier for him to determine that. It's no surprise, anyway, since their reservation isn't for another twenty minutes.

Tris nods, but she continues looking around, biting her lip the way she always does when she's agitated. "I didn't realize we were eating here," she finally mutters. At Tobias' look, she attempts a half smile. "I haven't been here in years."

"Bad associations?" Switching restaurants would be difficult at this hour on a Friday night, and Zeke would be all kinds of annoyed, but if his girlfriend is uncomfortable, he'll do it anyway.

Tris' eyes move to his. "Mixed, I guess." She glances around again. "Al and I used to come here a lot." Now it's Tobias' turn to nod, as he abruptly understands who she's looking for.

Instinctively, he wraps his arms around her, pulling her close so her back presses against his chest. He doesn't like picturing her with the man who proposed to her, even if she did turn him down. "Do you think he'll be here tonight?"

"I don't know." She leans further into him, her scent providing the perfect complement to the enchanting smells coming from the kitchen. "This was his favorite place even before we met, so it's possible."

"Is it a problem if he shows up?" Tobias' arms tighten, forming an iron cage of protection around her, though he's not sure exactly what he's guarding against.

"Not really." She bites her lip again, belying her statement. "It's just…." She tilts her head to look up at him. "I wouldn't want to throw you in his face, you know? I'm the one who dumped him." She picks at something on her dress. "And I might have sort of used you as an excuse when I did."

Tobias raises an eyebrow, though she can't see it, since she's looking down. "In what way?"

"Ummm." Despite the angle, he can see the flush rising up her cheeks. "As in, 'I can't marry you because I never really got over someone else.'" She says it quickly, but it draws a smirk out of Tobias anyway.

He leans down, his voice a low whisper in her ear. "Well, for what it's worth, I never got over you, either. If you'd rather go someplace else, we can."

Tris considers that for a moment before shaking her head. "No, it would be impossible to find anywhere good at this point without an hour wait. He probably won't come, and even if he does, it's been four years. I'm sure he's moved on."

Personally, Tobias doubts that's possible, but that might just be him. "If you're sure," he says instead.

She nods, and for a few minutes, they wait quietly, his arms still around her as they sway gently back and forth. But he can tell that she's watching the door, ready to move away from him if her ex enters.

"Have I told you recently how beautiful you are?" he murmurs, wanting to draw her focus back to himself. The instinct is perhaps a bit primitive, but he can't help it, given the way his body is starting to react to her warmth pressed against him, and to the way she feels in his arms, and to the fragrance that continues to fill him.

She lifts her head again to look up at him. "I don't think you can even see me from there, Tobias."

A chuckle vibrates through him, because from his height, and with the way she's angled, he actually has an excellent view, at least of certain areas. "I can see some of my favorite parts," he whispers, trying to keep the words for her alone. "And trust me, they're gorgeous."

A smile graces her mouth as she deliberately leans back a bit more, managing to make the view even better. "Is that so?" she murmurs, her voice unusually sultry. "I picked the dress especially for you."

It's a challenge not to groan in response, or to do other things that are utterly inappropriate for a public place. But he makes himself go in a different direction.

Placing a finger over her lips, as he's taken to doing whenever he says these particular words, he murmurs, "I love you, Tris." She seems like she wants to respond, the way she often does, but he presses his finger in place to prevent her. There is absolutely nothing in the world he would rather hear than that message from her, but not as a reply. He doesn't want her to say it until she's sure enough to state it on her own.

Instead, he kisses her lightly on the head, smiling at the way she melts into him as he pulls her close again. For now, this is more than enough.

* * *

"All right, all right." Zeke's animated voice cuts through Tris and Shauna's laughter. "We get it. Women are more flexible than men."

"And don't you forget it!" Shauna calls, raising her glass in a toast to Tris, who tries to return the gesture through her paroxysms of glee.

"Like I could," Tobias grumbles. "That image is now permanently seared into my brain, thank you very much."

"Look at it this way," Zeke quips back, winking at Tobias, "it'll be a great story to tell at their next big event." He grins mischievously at Tris. "You know, your birthday party, or job promotion, or bridal shower…." His eyes flick between her and Tobias, obviously fishing for hints on how likely that is.

Tobias is careful not to respond, unsure how Tris would take anything he might say. He's already expressed his desires, but she's definitely not interested yet, and she might not appreciate a public discussion of that subject.

He should have known better. Tris doesn't miss a beat before responding, "We're getting married tomorrow." Her voice is completely deadpan. "Didn't you get the invitation?"

At Zeke's smirk, Tobias chimes in. "Seriously, we mailed it weeks ago. I thought you were coming."

Zeke rolls his eyes, not bothering to respond. His wife, though, speaks up. "No, we decided to skip it, the same way you did with ours."

It's a bit of a low blow, and Tobias feels the humor drain from him as Zeke adds, "Oh, but that wasn't important, Shauna. I mean, he was just supposed to be my other best man, that's all."

An undeniable squirm of guilt is twisting through Tobias now. He's spent so much time thinking about how much his departure hurt Tris that he sometimes forgets it affected other people, too. "Yeah," he mutters, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. "I'm…uh…sorry about that." The words are way beyond lame, but he doesn't have anything else to offer.

Shauna and Zeke exchange a glance before letting their mouths twitch upwards again. "Hmm, what do you think, Shauna?" Zeke asks his wife. "Since he's _sorry_ and all, should we give him another chance?"

She purses her lips in mock thought. "I guess we could consider that…since we happen to have an occasion to celebrate today." It's not until she wheels back from the table a bit, resting her hands pointedly on her abdomen, that her meaning becomes clear.

"You're pregnant?" Tris asks, her tone somewhere between incredulity and excitement. Her friend nods, her face slowly breaking into a wide smile.

"I'm four months along."

Tobias seems to be rooted in place, so it's a good thing that Tris reacts strongly enough for both of them. Leaping up, she embraces Shauna enthusiastically, making some type of squealing sound that Tobias can honestly say he's _never_ heard from her before. "That's wonderful," she exclaims, rocking back and forth with her friend as they continue to hug. "I know how much you've wanted this."

"It's been a long haul," Shauna confirms, her voice soft with emotion. "But the doctor said everything is looking really good." The comment makes Tobias close his eyes, feeling even more like a bad friend as he realizes that he knows nothing about the struggle they're hinting at.

That reality is only emphasized when he returns his gaze to Zeke. His friend is watching him almost warily. "We were going to announce it at the barbeque," he explains, "but it didn't seem right after…." There's no need to finish the sentence – Uriah's stupid game certainly killed the mood for the announcement. "Anyway, I know neither of you is big on kids, but we wanted you to know anyway." He flashes a smile. "And we fully expect free babysitting services."

The gibe draws a low chuckle from Tobias. "It's a deal," he agrees, extending his hand toward Zeke. He rarely initiates a handshake, given his general discomfort with being touched, but he's willing to make an exception for these circumstances. His buddy, however, just shakes his head before pulling him into a back-thumping hug instead. That's an even rarer gesture between them, but today, Tobias returns it.

It's not until Tris is back in her seat, still beaming at her friends, that the rest of Zeke's comment sinks in. As a teenager, Tobias always made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with kids. At that time, he was afraid that even being around them would somehow turn him into his father. But Tris never agreed with that stance. She wasn't in a rush to have children or anything like that, but she didn't shy away from having them someday. Apparently, that has changed.

He watches her for a moment, looking for an indication of the reasons why, but there's nothing revealing in her expression. Instead, she chats easily with Shauna, asking questions and encouraging her to divulge details that Tobias has no interest in hearing. He loves his friends, but not enough to willingly listen to stories about morning sickness and rashes and the joys of not having a period.

"You okay with this?" Zeke asks him softly, clearly studying him as much as he's observing Tris. But the truth is there's no reason for Zeke to worry. Years of therapy have changed Tobias' attitude toward children considerably.

"I'm fine," he mutters reassuringly. "I don't mind kids anymore." At his friend's raised eyebrow, he finds himself looking at Tris again. "I'd even consider having them someday. With the right woman."

It's a blatant statement of his attachment, and it's probably just as well that Tris and Shauna are too deep in conversation to hear it. But Zeke does, his expression thoughtful as he rests a hand on his friend's shoulder.

They stay like that for a long moment before Zeke's sly grin returns. "So, any time after tomorrow, then?"

"Indeed." The answer is truer than his friend probably realizes.

* * *

"Can I ask you a question, Tris?" Tobias' arms are wrapped loosely around her as they lie on his living room couch, both cats piled on top of them. She glances at him uncertainly, probably concerned by the wariness in his tone, but she nods. "Why don't you want children anymore?"

Her mouth sets in a line as she raises a challenging eyebrow. "Are you saying you do?" It's an obvious attempt to avoid a direct answer.

"Not necessarily." His fingers run lightly down her spine, trying to relax her. "But I'm not afraid of the idea anymore." The side of his mouth lifts. "And I can kind of see the appeal. A tiny person with your eyes…."

A small huff leaves her. "Some would argue that I'm already a tiny person with my eyes."

Tobias' chuckle rumbles through his chest, but his fingers shape around her chin, lifting it to face him. "That's not an answer, you know."

Her eyes move away as she sighs. "No, I suppose it's not." Absently, her fingers play with the buttons of his shirt. "It's not that I _never_ want them – they just became a lot less appealing after my pregnancy scare."

There's silence for a moment while Tobias remembers the hard conversation that started their second chance. He doesn't have to ask who the scare arose with – it's obvious it was with the same man who gave her herpes. The same one Uriah said abused her. It's no wonder she was relieved not to be pregnant by him – and got turned off the notion of children by the experience.

"Just what did Peter do to you?" He tries to keep his tone gentle, but Tris stiffens anyway, sitting up and pulling away in a motion that displaces the cats. DC leaps to the floor, still a bit quick to leave whenever Tris startles him, but Marvel simply repositions himself as Tobias sits up, too.

For a second, Tris fixes him with something close to a glare. "Exactly what did Uriah tell you?"

An answer doesn't come at first, as Tobias weighs his words carefully. "Not enough," he finally says. "And too much."

With a long sigh, Tris closes her eyes, working just as hard to formulate a response. Tobias gives her time, not sure if it's good or bad that her face gradually hardens. When she opens her eyes again, he can't look away from the coldness in them.

"Yes, he hit me, as I'm sure Uriah told you. But like I said to him, it only happened once." Her expression defies him to contradict her. "The bigger problem was what happened before that." There's a deep level of bitterness in her tone. "There were warning signs that I should have recognized, particularly after everything you went through with Marcus. But frankly you had a lot of the same signs, and you never hurt me, so I didn't let them stop me." The words seem to be slowly solidifying Tobias' insides. "If anything, they kind of attracted me."

Her voice is brittle now. "He pressured me into having sex before I was ready. He didn't have a condom, and I tried to call it off, but he kept pushing and I didn't actually say no…. So, it wasn't technically rape." _Technically?_ But he can't ask what she means through the enormous weight that's crushing his chest.

Tris begins twisting her hands. "And then I started having all these symptoms, and I was terrified that I might be pregnant. I didn't know what to do, or who to talk to, but I knew that I absolutely didn't want a baby then, particularly not under those circumstances." She wraps her arms around herself in an attempt at self-comfort, and Tobias reaches out instinctively – until her expression tells him to stop. "It took me two weeks to go to a clinic to get tested. And when I got the results, I didn't know whether to be relieved or even more furious."

Her voice is vibrating with that emotion. "I confronted him. About the herpes, and the pregnancy scare, and…everything." She takes a deep breath. "It did not go well." She doesn't offer more details, and Tobias doesn't ask, too lost in the murderous thoughts raging through him.

"Caleb helped me take care of the injuries afterwards, but he didn't know what else to do, so he called Uriah." She swallows. "And Uriah, being the big, dumb lunkhead that he is, took matters into his own hands and beat the crap out of Peter." There's an edge of disapproval to her tone, as if Uriah went too far – but it couldn't possibly have been enough. Not compared with how he would have ripped Peter into miniscule shreds.

He's still picturing that retaliation when Tris adds coldly, "Which was a problem because then I couldn't press charges, or he would have pressed them against Uriah."

Understanding slams into the images in his head, a car into a brick wall. He never even considered the possibility that Tris would have pressed charges, but _of course_ she would have. _Of course_ , she would have been strong enough – if Uriah hadn't robbed her of that chance at justice.

She sounds extraordinarily bitter when she mutters, "I've always wondered how many others Peter ended up hurting because of that."

For a very long moment, they're both quiet while Tobias absorbs the full depth of what Peter did – and while he finds a way to force his cyclone of fury into a controlled throb. Finally, he responds very softly. "I wonder that about Marcus, too." Tris' eyes snap to his. "He probably went on to other relationships. For all I know, he has more kids that he's hitting. Because I didn't stop him."

Tris shakes her head rapidly, looking stricken at the reaction she evoked. "He doesn't," she tells him quickly. "He still works with my dad, so I know that much. He hasn't gotten remarried or had kids." Her volume drops as she adds, "Though I don't know how much he dates."

A stiff nod is Tobias' only response at first, but then he finds his voice again. "I used to daydream about returning and pressing charges, but the statute of limitations passed before I built up the courage." He looks away, trying to push down his own bitterness. "So, I've officially let him get away with it."

Tris doesn't answer, and it takes another minute for Tobias to realize the other possible implications of what she said. His throat tightens as he forces words through it. "Is that part of why it's so hard to trust me? Because you think I might do something like that?"

She starts to shake her head but then stops, a sort of resignation forming on her face. "Not directly, but…for a long time, I wondered if that might be why you left. During the times that I thought it wasn't about me, or some other woman, it seemed like the most likely reason."

The speculation catches him off guard, and a denial rises to his lips automatically. But he doesn't utter it because it wouldn't be true. The reality is that he did use that argument with himself, over and over, whenever he needed to remember why Tris was better off with someone else.

Wearily, he nods. "There's some truth to that," he admits softly.

"What about now?" Tris asks. "Do you still worry about that?"

"Not the same way." He shakes his head, trying to reiterate the answer to himself as much as to her. "I wouldn't have come back if I did."

Tris nods slowly. "I've never worried that you would hit me, Tobias. And I still don't." Her gaze is solid on his. "But I do worry about that. About you doubting yourself and leaving again in some attempt to protect me." She bites her lip. "Am I wrong that you would?"

He can't answer for quite a while, wanting again to deny her charge. Instead, he finally shakes his head, just a little. "No, you're not." He swallows to clear the blockage from his throat. "But Tris, I swear it won't come to that." His gaze is determined. "I _swear_."

Her fingers trace his jaw as she contemplates that. "Then, I'll make a deal with you," she says, her expression unreadable. "We'll work on it together – I'll trust you as much as you trust yourself. Every step of the way."

They're not words that Tobias expected, and at first they send something like panic through him, since he _never_ learned to fully trust himself, even after all his therapy. But the more he thinks about it, the more he knows that Tris is right. This is something they need to do together.

"Okay," he agrees softly, his eyes finding hers again. "But there's a second half to that." Her brow furrows. "We need to work on how you see yourself." Reaching out, he cradles her face gently in his hands. "I want you to love yourself as much as I love you. You deserve that."

The challenge hits her weakest spot, just as hers did for him, and he watches as her teeth worry her lip and her eyes fix on her lap in obvious doubt. But he can see her mind working, and he gives her the time to finish.

Minutes seem to pass – long enough that he thinks she's going to reject the proposal – before she finally nods. Her voice is very soft when she murmurs, "I guess we both have a lot to work on."

He knows it's true, but at the same time, he feels hope rooting deeply into him as he raises her face gently to his, letting their lips meet. This is the path to their future, and no matter how difficult it might be, he'll gladly take it with her.

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could promise a quick turnaround for the next chapter, but I just can't. I'll do my best, though. In the meantime, please take a moment to review this chapter - I could definitely use the encouragement!


	10. Chapter 10: Tris – Defenses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, I found time to write a chapter this week! It's fairly short, but at least it's here. Also, this is one of two chapters that weren't in my original outline but that I found myself increasingly wanting to add. So, that means the story is now likely to be 17 chapters long. Hopefully, that's a good thing.
> 
> I also want to take a moment to thank everyone who has been reviewing this story as you read. Your support really helps a lot. Thank you also to BarbaraK2U, who has been turning around my chapters very quickly every time I finally manage to get one to her. You definitely make life easier! :-)

  
**Chapter 10: Tris – Defenses**

The room fills slowly, with people trickling in as families or individuals. Tris is pleased to see that Tobias was right about the age range – there are two kids and a few teenagers, but the rest are adults, with several who are definitely older than she is. And at least half of the group is female. Good.

They're all in sweats and T-shirts except for Amar, his husband George, and Tobias, who are wearing their karate uniforms – Tobias used the word "gi" – complete with their black belts. They look more than a little intimidating as they wait to start the class.

Tobias closes the door right at six o'clock, and George immediately claps his hands for attention. "Welcome to Introductory Karate!" he announces, once all eyes are on him. "I am your lead instructor, Sensei George. I will be here every class." He gestures toward his husband. "Sensei Amar will be here most nights, and Sensei Four is here for at least tonight." His gaze flicks between Tobias and Tris, knowing full well that Tobias is only here for his girlfriend. He normally assists with the intermediate and advanced classes instead.

George assesses the people around the room next, his expression neutral. "Before we begin, I want to make sure that everyone is clear on the purpose of this class. There are many misconceptions about karate, but we are definitely _not_ here to learn to hurt others, or to be bullies. Karate is the art of self-defense, and it should only be used in a real situation as a last resort."

His gaze takes in the entire group, making sure they understand. "If you do not have the right attitude, I _will_ kick you out of this class, so be clear on that going in." He stares hard at two of the younger men, waiting for them to nod before adding, "The main things you will learn here actually have nothing to do with fighting. You will learn _discipline_ , _self-control_ , and _self-confidence_." Tris swears that he looks at her on the last part.

He moves around a bit as he continues. "We will start every class with warm-up exercises, and then we will practice technique and movement. You will not be sparring in this class – that is reserved for the next level up – but we will spend a quarter of each session on practical self-defense." His gaze sweeps the room. "Any questions?"

There are none, so he immediately moves on to a series of stretches before introducing basic punches and kicks and blocks. They just aim into the air today, since apparently they're likely to hurt themselves if they hit bags with their current lack of skill, but the techniques are still more complicated than Tris expected. She's glad that Tobias pauses by her, helping her get each move right before going on to assist the others.

It's strange to see him in this context – he seems so calm and professional. But that shouldn't really be a surprise, since he started taking classes from Amar and George some eight years ago, when they were all in Boston together. By now, with his second degree black belt, he's almost as polished as his two teachers. She can't help but wonder if she'll ever get that good – probably not, judging by the critical eye that George turns on her as she struggles with the back kick.

She's tired by the time Amar gathers them into a circle for the last half-hour of the lesson. "We're going to start with some basic self-defense moves today," he tells the group, "and we'll get more advanced with time." Turning to George, he asks, "Wrist grabs first?"

His husband agrees, and they proceed to pair the students up so they can practice each technique in turn. In some ways, Tris finds this part easier than hitting the air; at least with this she can tell if she's doing it right.

"Well done," Tobias praises her as she works her way out of her partner's shoulder grab. "But turn your body just a little more to the side." He demonstrates, having her practice with him a few times. It feels radically different than it did with the teenager she was paired with a moment ago, but she can't say if it's more effective or not, since his presence definitely evokes other feelings.

"Very good," George states when she gets away for the third time. She smiles, feeling a surge of pride at her success. "In fact, come here a sec, both of you." He gestures her and Tobias over and calls the class to attention. "Let's talk a little about how to escape if someone grabs you from behind." He twirls his hand, telling Tris to turn around, and she does, feeling Tobias' arms wrap around her in a bear hug. It feels almost intimate, and the start of a blush rises up her face at having the whole group watch them this way.

"When you're like this," George continues, his voice clinical, "your arms are trapped, and you don't have a lot of wiggle room with your legs. Do you?" It takes Tris a second to realize that he's asking her, and she quickly tries twisting free to test his words. Tobias' grip isn't tight, but it's rigid enough to prove George right. He nods as he continues, "But there are a few simple things you can do."

He addresses her and the class at the same time. "You can bring your foot up and stomp down hard on the back of your attacker's foot with your heel." He waits for Tris to try that, and somewhat to her surprise, she finds that she's able to do it – though she doesn't stomp hard. She doesn't want to hurt her boyfriend.

"Or, if your attacker is farther away, you can do a back kick into their knee." Tobias shifts backwards, and Tris tries the move, as poorly as she's been doing that particular kick all night. "Or, if you can maneuver your arms at all, you can work them backwards and pinch your opponent in the side." He reaches out, demonstrating the technique on Tobias, who yanks back immediately. George grins. "You only want to grab a small amount of flesh when you do that, but use your nails and pinch hard. The goal is to startle them enough to make them move."

Reluctantly, Tobias steps forward again, grabbing Tris and waiting for her to follow George's lead. He jumps when she manages the pinch, releasing her. She finds out why when she's on the receiving end of it a few minutes later with her partner. It's surprisingly painful – and yet a bit fun – and they practice it back and forth for several more minutes.

"All right," George calls as they approach eight o'clock. "We only have a few minutes left, so the senseis are going to walk around and randomly 'attack' you the way we've shown, and you need to escape. Think about what you've learned, and do your best."

Tris manages better than she expected when Amar grabs her shoulder, and then when George gets her elbow later. She's in the middle of escaping from Tobias' bear hug when George snaps, "Four, grab her like you mean it. It won't do her any good that way."

There's a pause, Tobias' breathing heavy on the side of her neck, before he steps back, releasing her. "No," he says simply. "I'm sorry, Sensei, but I can't do that." There's something undefinable in his voice, and his eyes lock with his instructor's. They only stare for a second, but they seem to exchange years' worth of conversation in that time.

George nods, waving Tobias on to another student before wrapping his own arms around Tris from behind, hard enough to trigger a sensation of panic. "Adrenaline is your friend in a real situation," he tells her, his iron grip locking her in place, "if you know how to use it." His voice is gravelly, and she focuses on it to reduce her instinctive fear. "It speeds up your thinking and gives you time to analyze the situation. So, use that to think about where you have room to move. Focus on your hands and your feet and decide which to use, and then act."

Tris does, deciding to stomp her heel onto George's foot – harder than she did with the other students.

"Good." He steps away slightly before looking back at her. "Talk to me after class, okay? There are a few things we should discuss." She nods, but the words make it hard to focus as George wraps up the session.

A few stragglers remain behind, asking questions, but eventually George pulls away, leaving Amar and Tobias to handle them while he takes Tris to the side.

"I don't want you practicing self-defense with Four," he starts, his eyes evaluating her response. "The other techniques are fine, but not that." He glances at Tobias. "I assume you know why."

It only takes her a second to nod. "He's afraid he might hurt me." She doesn't like that he still has that fear, but after everything he witnessed between his parents, it's hardly surprising.

But George frowns thoughtfully, shaking his head a little. "Probably more that he doesn't want you to associate _him_ with the feeling of being attacked." He looks slightly guilty at revealing that. "But either way, he clearly won't practice the way you need, and I don't want you picking up bad habits, so I'd like you to come here for extra practice instead. Can you fit that into your schedule?"

For a second, Tris can't respond, struggling to absorb George's casual explanation. Is that really why Tobias refused to grab her hard? Because he doesn't want her to associate him with Peter? It bothers her that he could even think that.

George clears his throat, catching her attention again. "Would the same time work for you on Wednesdays?"

"Umm…" She glances at Tobias before returning her gaze to her instructor. "Yeah, I guess. Would it be the same rate as the regular sessions?"

An almost sad smile touches George's mouth. "You're the first person Four has ever brought to class. For that reason alone, I wouldn't charge you." He looks down for a second, and she does, too, not sure she's comfortable being a charity case. "But you should also know that I have a policy of not charging people who didn't get to learn this stuff before they needed it." Her eyes leap up to his, startled. "I figure you've already paid too high a price."

For a long moment, Tris just stares, feeling as if the wind was knocked out of her. What the hell did Tobias tell him? _About her private life?_

George seems to read her mind. "Don't worry – Four didn't say anything, about either of your situations." The corner of his mouth lifts in a grim half-smile. "I grew up gay in a time and a place where that was far from welcomed. So, I've been through enough and seen enough to recognize others who have been through it, too." He holds her gaze. "I can help you, but only if you're willing to do the work. If you miss more than two classes a month, you lose your free status. Understand?"

Tris' brow furrows as she debates whether she's willing to take on that commitment. Her eyes move to Tobias again, watching his calm, confident movements as he works with one of the remaining students. This program has clearly done a lot for him. Could it do the same for her?

"Can I actually get good at this, at my size?" she asks softly.

"Absolutely. In some ways, karate is easier for short people." A spark enters George's eyes. "Look at Yoda."

It's an absurd comparison, but it brings a smile to Tris' mouth to imagine spinning through the air like a small green alien, wielding a light saber against Peter.

Realistically, she would be a fool not to take George up on his offer. How often does a fifth-degree black belt offer free lessons? So, she nods her agreement. "I'll make my schedule work." For a few seconds more, she watches him, trying to figure out how to convey her thanks, but something in his expression tells her she doesn't need to. He already gets it.

So, instead, she lets her lips lift. "But don't call me Yoda."

He smiles, patting her on the shoulder as he turns back to the others. "Only if it annoys Four."

A genuine grin lights her face at that, as she finds herself feeling at ease for the first time tonight. George may be extremely intimidating, but he's on her side. "Fine," she mutters. "Then, see you on Wednesday I shall."

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please take a moment to let me know what you thought of this chapter. The next chapter is likely to be long, so it will probably be over a week before I can get it posted. Sorry...


	11. Chapter 11: Tobias – Thanksgiving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who took the time to review the last chapter! I loved your comments. Thank you also to my wonderful beta reader, BarbaraK2U, who helped me catch some unintentional repetition in this chapter. This is another fairly short chapter, but I wanted to post it while it's timely...

**Chapter 11: Tobias – Thanksgiving**

"You're sure he won't be there?" Tobias feels weak for asking the question, but he can't help it. There's no way he wants to see his father.

"I'm sure." Tris adjusts his tie a little, her fingers lingering on his chest. "He alternates holidays between different coworkers, and he's spending this one with the Blacks."

Tobias gives a jerky nod, running his hands lightly down Tris' arms to calm his nerves. "Do your parents know I'm coming?"

Her expression answers the question before her words do. "Not by name." The side of her mouth lifts apologetically. "I was afraid my dad might tell Marcus if he had advance warning."

Another nod. "Probably a good call." Neither of them raises the obvious issue – what they'll do about Christmas, when there's no way to avoid that advance notice. Maybe he'll just stay at his apartment that day, like he traditionally does. Though it wouldn't be fair to Tris….

"Is Caleb bringing his girlfriend?" he asks instead, trying to deflect attention from his own messed up family.

"His _fiancée_ ," Tris emphasizes, smiling a little. "Cara. And yes, they'll both be there."

Despite his anxiety, Tobias' lips lift at the correction. Pulling Tris to him, he rests his forehead on hers. "Fiancée," he murmurs, enjoying the feel of the word in his mouth and wondering if he'll be able to use that term for her at some point.

"Yup." Tris seems to be oblivious to any deeper implications. "I was surprised they didn't wait to announce it today, but I guess they wanted her family to know sooner." She shrugs. "Anyway, we should get going."

"Yeah." Tobias releases her reluctantly. "I'll grab the pie."

* * *

Offhand, he can't think of many moments in his life more awkward than this one. He stands just inside the doorway to the Priors' home, the apple pie in one hand, as Natalie stares at him, shell-shocked, and Andrew glares at him coldly. Utter silence fills the room.

"Hi Mom. Hi Dad," Tris finally tries, her voice unnaturally high.

"Hello, Tris, honey." Natalie forces a smile. "You didn't tell us that your 'new' boyfriend was Tobias."

Biting her lip nervously, Tris says, "Didn't I mention that? I thought I did."

The lie fools no one, though only her father calls her out on it. "No, you definitely didn't." His tone is icy.

"Oh. Umm, sorry?" Tris looks anxiously between her parents' unwelcoming expressions. Tobias reaches for her hand, giving it a supportive squeeze.

"How long has this been going on?" Andrew seems even angrier as his eyes take in their linked fingers.

To everyone's surprise, the answer comes from deeper in the room. "I'd say two months. Maybe three." Caleb gives his sister a small smile – a considerably warmer greeting than their parents have managed.

"You knew?" Andrew is glaring at his son now, shock and betrayal registering on his face.

"No." Caleb shakes his head to reiterate his innocence. "I'm just judging by when she started acting happy again." Something lightens inside Tobias' chest at the words. No matter how rocky their second-time-around has been, _something_ must be right for Caleb to notice that type of change.

Perhaps Natalie agrees, since her expression softens. "Is he right?" she asks her daughter gently.

Tris holds her mother's gaze, the sides of her mouth lifting, as she nods. "Yes. It's been almost three months."

The answer is enough for Natalie. Smiling tenderly, she pulls her daughter into a hug, reaching a hand out to Tobias' arm to include him, too. "Come in," she urges. "Let's get out of the cold."

To some degree, though, the frosty air seems to follow them – firmly embedded in Andrew's frown and in the sullen glances he keeps casting at Tobias as they all gather around the table and begin their meal.

Natalie plays the role of peacekeeper, making a point of redirecting her husband every time he seems on the brink of a dangerous topic, and smiling sweetly at the others, her gentle voice calming the whole group. Tobias wonders vaguely what it would have been like to grow up with a mother like that – or with a father who would have listened, for that matter.

"Cara," she murmurs when Andrew looks like he's about to break a lull in the conversation, "have you and Caleb picked a date yet?"

"No." Her gaze moves curiously between her future father-in-law and Tobias. "But we're leaning toward the summer. That should give us enough time to pull everything together."

"We don't need a large ceremony," Caleb adds. "And Cara doesn't have her heart set on any particular location, so that should be plenty of time." He smiles at his fiancée, clearly proud that she's too sensible to want to wait years and spend thousands on exactly the right venue.

"Are you inviting family friends?" Andrew asks, evoking an audible sigh of annoyance from his wife. Everyone – except perhaps Cara – understands that he means Marcus.

"We haven't decided on the guest list yet," Caleb replies neutrally, trying very hard to avoid a holiday fight but losing patience. "But we'll be prioritizing our family." His eyes linger on his sister before shifting to Tobias. "And their significant others."

Tris' lips curve upwards. "Thank you," she replies, unsuccessfully squelching the triumph in her expression. It visibly infuriates their father even more.

Before he can say anything, however, Natalie grips his arm, tugging him with her as she rises. "Andrew, would you please help me with the pies?" Her tone somehow manages to be both polite and fierce at the same time, and he wisely doesn't respond aloud, choosing to just go with her as the others watch in silence.

Cara's eyebrows are practically in her hair when she turns to Tobias afterwards, whispering harshly, "How the hell did you piss him off that much?"

"Natural charm," Tobias answers wryly, not particularly inclined to share his horrendous past with someone he just met. The words pull a bitter chuckle from Tris.

"He's in denial about a friend of his," she tells Cara simply, her expression making it clear the topic is closed. Cara nods a wary acceptance.

"Well, I, for one, am glad you're back," Caleb pipes up, surprising Tobias for the second time today. "I never thought I'd say that, since I was happy when you left." He lifts an apologetic shoulder. "I didn't know who to believe then, but either way, it seemed safer for Tris to be with someone else." A nervous smile touches his lips when his sister glares at him. "But the thing is…Tris was never as happy with anyone else as she was with you. Or as strong." He meets Tobias' gaze evenly. "If you're the one who brings that out in her, then I have to respect that."

Tobias nods slowly, uncertain how to respond, particularly since Tris is now looking away, her face reddening. "Thanks," he finally mutters, just as Natalie and Andrew reemerge from the kitchen, bringing dessert with them. It's a welcome distraction.

And maybe the sugar helps, because the mood seems lighter as they sample the three different flavors of pie. Andrew steers clear of troublesome topics, instead asking about everyone's current jobs. He listens courteously to the answers, too, prompting Cara for more information about her position as a medical researcher and letting Tris brag a little about what Tobias does for a living.

It's not until after they've eaten, and the women are upstairs discussing something related to Caleb and Cara's upcoming wedding, that Andrew loses his newfound control.

"Is your father even aware that you're back?" he asks Tobias bluntly.

"I doubt it." Tobias tries to keep the irritation out of his tone. "We haven't talked in years."

"And why is that?"

Caleb groans. "Dad, don't ask questions if you don't want to hear the answers." It's sound advice, but judging by the glare Andrew throws at his son, it's far from appreciated.

"I would like to know," he drawls back coldly, "why a grown man would continue to blame his father for everything he doesn't like in his life." He directs his gaze firmly at Tobias. "A lot of things were beyond his control, you know. And it hurt him tremendously when you considered them his fault anyway. And when you left."

For a moment, Tobias feels his throat constricting with all the helplessness of his youth – at being held responsible for his father's actions yet again. With a tremendous effort, he pushes past the feeling. "Whether you like it or not, Andrew, I blame my father for _exactly_ what he did. Nothing more and nothing less."

The words are firm, and the two men stare at each other as Caleb sits stiffly beside them. "He's not responsible for your mother's decisions," Andrew finally states.

A scoff comes out of Tobias despite his best efforts at remaining polite. "With all due respect," he virtually spits, "you have _no idea_ what life was like in my household. You can't even imagine it because it's so foreign to who you are." The hard lines of his face soften just a little. "I know from Tris that you're a good father. That you love your kids and your wife and that you have never hurt them." It's getting difficult to keep his breathing even. "Marcus isn't like that." He looks straight at Andrew. "Not at all."

Andrew's expression draws another intervention from Caleb. "Dad," he starts, but his father holds up a sharp hand to stop him.

"Different parents have different methods of discipline," he declares, his face reflecting his disdain. He clearly can't get himself to believe what Tobias is saying. "That doesn't make him a monster, and it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you."

Some small, distant part of Tobias' mind knows that Andrew can't possibly understand how deeply those words slice through him. How they bring to mind the thousands of times his father repeated the same phrase over and over whenever he raised his belt, or his fist, or his booted foot. Whenever he locked Tobias into the small, dark closet without any idea when he'd be released. _This is for your own good._

His breathing is ragged as he snaps, "Love? Is that what you call it when a father whips every inch of flesh off his son's back? When he leaves him bleeding and dehydrated in a closet for _three days_? When he breaks his ribs and refuses to take him to a doctor so no one will know?"

He stands up, unable to sit still any longer, his hands pressing against his head in a desperate attempt to push back the memories. "If Tris and I get married, is that how you'd want him to treat your grandchildren? Would it be _fine_ with you if he took a belt to their backs over and over every fucking day of their lives until they had more scars than skin? Would he still be _trustworthy_ after that?"

Andrew's eyes have grown wide with horror, and Caleb is saying something as he stands up, too, but it's impossible to hear over the ringing in his head. "But I guess you need _proof_ , don't you? So, tell me, Andrew, what _exactly_ do you want for that? Do you want to see the _scars_ on my back? Do you want to hear how it felt _every time_ that belt landed?" His voice has risen to a full-fledged shout. "Do you want me to describe all the times he kicked my mother until she _lost consciousness_? What the _hell_ constitutes proof for you?"

If Andrew has a coherent answer, he doesn't get a chance to say it, because suddenly Tris is there, inserting herself between them as she yells at her father with more fury than Tobias has ever seen in her. And Natalie is trying to intervene, her normally soothing tone rising in panic, while Caleb watches helplessly.

Tobias isn't entirely sure what instinct takes him out of the house, walking through the frigid weather without a coat – only that he needs to move, and he needs to be alone, and he needs to somehow clear the chaos from his mind. So, he walks down street after street, trying to let the cold air draw the adrenaline from his body and release the images from his tortured brain.

He knows that he overreacted. He knows that Andrew didn't mean any harm. And he knows that the rest of the household already believes him. But none of that seems to matter. All he can think is that _this_ is why his mother left. _This_ is why she abandoned him to his father's abuse. Because even her friends sided with _him_.

By the time he returns to the house, his limbs numb with cold, the panic is almost gone. His muscles feel weak in the aftermath, barely able to support him, and there's no way he wants to talk to anyone for the rest of the day, but he doesn't move away when Tris races through the door, meeting him on the porch and wrapping her arms fiercely around him.

"I'm sorry," she recites over and over. "I'm so sorry I made you come here."

He wants to disagree – wants to take the pain of this day into himself only and not burden Tris with it – but he doesn't seem to have any words left inside him. So, instead, he clings to her, letting her scent and her warmth ease the ache that fills his core.

It's not until they're in the taxi, halfway back to his apartment, that he realizes he just ruined Tris' Thanksgiving with her family. Guilt floods through him at the thought, particularly since he has no idea how they can ever make Christmas work next. He doesn't want to make her choose between him and them, but how can they possibly have a happy holiday together after this?

Briefly, his mind goes to Amar, and to a discussion they once had about how difficult it was to get George's family to accept him. Maybe it's time for him to seek some advice….

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is partly written, but I expect it to be very long, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to complete it this weekend or not. In the meantime, please let me know what you thought of this chapter. Your reviews really do inspire me to write, so if you want the next chapter soon, that's the best way to help me get there. :-)


	12. Chapter 12: Tris – Too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you to everyone who took the time to review the last chapter! I loved your comments and support. Thank you also to the wonderful BarbaraK2U, who made some excellent suggestions for this chapter and took the time to review it twice. I feel like it's much stronger for her advice.

**Chapter 12: Tris – Too**

Tris has never actually been to a company's holiday party before. Her own employer never holds them, preferring instead to order goodies in for everyone to eat on the job. But Tobias' company believes in the tradition.

The bar they rented for the night is packed, filled with laughter and chatter and overdressed people starting to shed clothing. It's hard to say exactly what's motivating the last part, though sheer body heat is undoubtedly a factor. Alcohol probably is, too, Tris reflects, as she watches two women all but grope each other while they dance drunkenly. Their coworkers are cheering them on.

"Are the parties always like this?" she asks, strongly suspecting that most of this group will regret their actions tomorrow.

"'Fraid so," Tobias replies. "It's why I typically skip out early."

She nods, about to answer, when a voice interrupts them. "Four." A man claps a hand on Tobias' shoulder, giving him a cold smile that looks more like a leer. He appears to be in his early thirties, almost as tall as Tobias, with long, dark, greasy hair and a pierced lip. "I'm surprised you came." He smirks as his eyes run unabashedly down Tris' form and back up again. "I thought you were still finishing the build for Centria."

Everything about this man creeps her out, and Tris finds herself inching closer to Tobias, who has stiffened warily beside her. "We finished it already," her boyfriend answers coolly.

"Oh." The man sounds utterly uninterested. "Aren't you going to introduce me?"

For a second, it seems like Tobias is about to refuse, but then he forces a semi-polite smile. "Eric, this is _my_ _girlfriend_ , Tris. Tris, this is Eric. He's the assistant manager for the Dauntless division." From his tone, there's no question that he dislikes Eric, and Tris tries not to scowl as she realizes that this man is Amar's boss – and therefore Tobias'.

"Pleased to meet you," Eric says snidely, reaching out as if for a handshake. Reluctantly, Tris takes the proffered hand, only to have him raise her own to his lips to kiss it lightly. She pulls back quickly.

"Feisty one you have there," Eric comments, winking at Tobias. Before her boyfriend can react severely, Eric pulls away, grinning. "Well, places to go, people to see, you know. Enjoy the party, Four."

They both watch him go, Tobias' hand tight around hers. "Sorry," he mutters after a moment. "He's a dickhead, but fortunately I don't have to work directly with him much."

"Yeah." Something about the exchange seems to have drawn the attention of the people nearby, and Tris tries not to bristle at the curious looks they give her. In particular, a tall, curvy Latino woman smirks at her briefly before looking longer at Tobias, eyeing him up and down the same way Eric just did with her. It adds to the vaguely unclean feeling on her skin. "I'm going to the ladies' room. I'll be back."

She's not in there long before the door opens and two other women enter, chatting amiably. Through the gaps around the stall door, Tris can see the woman who just ogled Tobias, along with a somewhat shorter, plumper woman.

"Looks like I'm getting _my_ Christmas present," the taller woman tells her friend. "Did you see the way he looked at me?" She fans her face as if it was the hottest thing she's ever seen. "He didn't even give me looks that steamy our first time around."

Tris hears a thump as the second woman sets her purse down, audibly searching through it for something. "I didn't realize you two had dated before."

"Oh, yeah – back in Boston." The sink begins running, making the next words harder to understand. "It was great and all, but I was new to the company and wanted to explore my options, you know?" She grabs a paper towel. "So, I broke up with him. I've been regretting it ever since."

The second woman chuckles appreciatively. "I can't say I blame you. Four is certainly a looker." She sounds like she's pinching her lips, maybe applying lipstick, but Tris is too caught up in what she just said to pay any attention. They're talking about _Tobias_? "Too bad he has that girlfriend now."

The first woman laughs. "That little twig? Yeah, like she's enough for him!" Cold runs through Tris' veins at the insult – and at the way part of her instantly agrees with it. The sound of the sink again obscures some words, but she catches, "Definitely out of her league." A moment later, the water stops, and she clearly hears, "Besides, he's only with her because he feels guilty about something. I heard him complaining about it to Amar."

It's a good thing that Tris is sitting, because she feels as if the floor has just opened up beneath her feet. How did it never occur to her before that Tobias might only be with her because he feels guilty for hurting her? She remembers his words after the fiasco at Thanksgiving, when he blamed himself for ruining the day, no matter how much she tried to reassure him that it was her father's fault. He's always had a hyperactive sense of responsibility. _Of course_ he would feel the need to take care of her – to make up for leaving in the first place.

She's not entirely sure what else the women say as they finish touching up their hair and makeup and return to the party. All she can do is sit there, letting bleak thoughts fill her mind. She should have been suspicious when he started claiming he loves her – it was too soon to be real. Too soon to be anything except leftover responsibility from last time. Even if she feels the same way….

_God, she's been such an idiot._

Eventually, she rises and slowly makes her way back out, barely holding nausea at bay as she watches the beautiful Latino woman talk to Tobias, laughing flirtatiously at something he says. It's far too easy to picture the two of them together, a happy couple back in Boston before he had to play babysitter to his first girlfriend.

It's impossible to hide how sick all of this makes her feel. Tobias takes one look at her pale face and hesitant, almost wincing movements and immediately suggests that they head home. She doesn't protest, knowing that she can't continue this way. She can't be in a relationship based on _pity_.

The taxi ride is quiet, as others have been before it. Tobias keeps glancing at her worriedly, obviously trying to figure out exactly what happened, but she's not inclined to discuss it. Really, it's all she can do to keep breathing evenly, struggling to just get through this night. She doesn't want to think about what happens next, or how she'll deal with losing him a second time.

He walks in with her, guiding her to the elevator despite his claustrophobia. Of course, he does. He's ever so selfless when taking care of her….

She seriously considers just sending him home – telling him that she doesn't feel good and postponing the harsh conversation for another day. But she can't get herself to do it. If this is going to end, it's better to do it now, while the words from the restroom are fresh in her mind. It will be unbearably hard as it is.

Apparently, those thoughts are showing, because the two of them are scarcely through the door before Tobias is touching her face gently, looking very concerned. "Are you all right?"

She shakes her head, not at all sure what to say – or how. At least Christina isn't home; this isn't a discussion she wants her roommate to hear.

"Tris." His fingers lift her chin, trying to get her to look at him. "What's going on? Are you sick?"

Instinctively, she pulls back, still unable to meet his gaze. "Sometimes, I wonder what's in this for you." Even with her peripheral vision, she can see how confused he looks. "This…." She gestures around, unable to say the word _relationship_. "You're obviously way out of my league, and you can't have cared that much about me or you wouldn't have left in the first place." The upset is turning to anger, and she lets it fuel her. It's always easier to be angry. "So, if you're just back with me now because you feel _guilty_ or something, then don't bother." She glares at him determinedly. "I don't need or want that."

His mouth opens and closes twice as he stares at her, wide-eyed. "What the _hell_ , Tris?" he finally manages to utter. " _Where_ is this coming from?"

There are too many emotions in his expression for her to identify, other than absolute shock. It sends a tiny sliver of hope threading through her. Maybe there's a reasonable explanation after all.

"I…overheard a conversation at the party."

"About _what_?" He looks like he can't even fathom what could have made her think this way.

"About you. And someone you used to date." She tries to keep her voice from shaking. "Apparently, she wants to get back together with you."

Tobias' mouth flattens into an angry line. "That would be Nita," he spits. "She's the only one there I ever dated, but I have _zero_ interest in getting back together with her." His tone is stern. "Just as I've had zero interest in the four or five years since we broke up." Tris lets herself meet his gaze, seeing the patent honesty there. "It wasn't the worst relationship I've ever had, but she's not you."

The last words should help, but they don't. Instead, they just remind Tris of the worst part of what Nita tossed out there. "She also said that she overheard you talking to Amar. About you only being with me because you feel guilty."

Tobias' mouth opens again, hanging loosely as he stares at her, appalled. She can see him thinking frantically, but she doesn't know which he's trying to do – figure out what Nita heard or how to explain it away. He shakes his head, running a flustered hand through his hair. And then it seems to dawn on him, as his eyes widen before he looks away, cursing. "That is a grossly inaccurate summary of that conversation."

The admission sends a numbness through Tris. However imprecise Nita's interpretation may have been, there obviously _was_ a discussion behind it. Tobias said _something_ to Amar about being with her out of guilt. And given how much he holds things in, he must have been feeling it strongly if he was willing to reveal it. To his boss. At work.

Before she knows what she's doing, her feet are taking her to her bedroom. She can't deal with this right now. Or maybe ever.

Tobias grabs her arm, turning her back to him, his expression desperate. "Tris, listen to me. Please. We were talking about one isolated subject, nothing broader." His breathing is harsh. "I am with you because I _want_ to be. And because I love you. No other reason."

"Really?" The word emerges on its own, doubt practically dripping from it. "So, you can honestly say that you don't feel at all responsible for anything that happened after you left? You don't, for instance, blame yourself for Peter?" He swallows uncomfortably at that, and another surge of anger flares through her at the confirmation. She yanks her arm free.

"You don't feel _protective_ over me?" she hisses. "You didn't go to all the trouble of arranging free karate classes because of any of that? It's not an issue _at all_?" She glares at him as he squirms.

"That's different…."

"How, Tobias? Exactly how is it different from my brother trying to protect me by calling Uriah? How?" Fury seems to be coursing through her now. "I am _not_ a little kid, and I don't want a second overprotective big brother. And I sure as hell don't want you hanging around out of _pity_ or _guilt_. I would _much_ rather be on my own." She turns away, starting for her room again, feeling utterly _done_ with all of this.

For the second time, Tobias stops her by grabbing her arm. "Tris, no." The sheer panic in his voice startles her. "It's not like that. Not at all. Please believe me."

She can only shake her head, abruptly aware of how important his honesty is to her. She needs to know that he won't lie, even when it's most difficult. But now, he seems to be.

"The thing is," she tells him as unwaveringly as she can, "I don't." He staggers a half-step backwards, looking utterly crushed. "You know what?" Her voice is strained. "Just get out. I'll save you the trouble of worrying about me anymore. We're done."

She's barely able to control her trembling as she turns toward her room for the third time, hoping beyond hope that he'll let her. She can't take much more of his presence, even though she knows it will be infinitely harder to deal with his absence.

This time, his strangled whisper is what stops her. "You should know what you're getting into – what the aftermath of leaving is like." They're both silent for a second, before some instinct forces her to turn back to him, watching as he swallows hard. He's visibly shaking. "For the first year, you'll barely sleep, and you'll spend every day wanting to change your mind. You'll pick up the phone hundreds of times, determined to call and apologize and beg for another chance."

His gaze latches onto hers. "The second year, part of you will go numb, and you'll feel like it's impossible to ever be happy again. You'll know that you're supposed to have moved on, particularly since _you_ were the one who called it off. But you won't be able to."

Tris' breathing is uneven now, too, as she glimpses for the first time what he went through during their decade apart.

"The third year, you'll find out that the love of your life is dating someone you used to consider a friend. And it will eat you alive, because you'll know that it's over, and you'll know that you'll never get another chance, and you'll know that it's _all your own fucking fault_."

He runs both hands through his hair, hiding his face for a moment. "But that will push you to get up and do something – anything – to ease the pain. So, you'll start a series of bad dates. Ones that will only serve to remind you of what you've lost. You'll never get to a second date that year, but you won't care, because you'll never want to see any of them again."

He stops to breathe, his hands opening and closing in some sort of attempt to calm himself. "The fourth year, you'll resign yourself to reality, and you'll try dating for longer, even though the options aren't any more appealing." His mouth flattens in disgust. "And then you'll _sleep_ with someone. She'll be the wrong size and have the wrong scent, and everything about her will be wrong. And it will make you feel terrible and dirty, and you will understand a million crude words for sex that you never got before, because all you knew until then was how to make love."

His expression reveals more clearly than words ever could how much he hated his first time with someone else. "But you'll accept it anyway, because you'll know that you don't deserve anything better. And then you'll try again – having failed relationships one after another with people who can never compare to the one person you judge them all against. Eventually, you'll begin to wonder if she was really as incredible as you remember or if your memory is just as faulty as the rest of you, because surely no one could have made you feel like _that_."

He's silent for a moment, scrubbing at his face, and she's distantly aware that her own cheeks are wet. "Eventually, you'll give up. You'll stop dating altogether and will seek therapy to figure out why you're so messed up and unlovable and utterly unable to love another human being. But even then you'll know that wasn't always true. Because. You. Still. Love. _Her_."

Pain is pressing harder and harder into her chest at the agony in his voice. "Therapy will help, and you'll grow and feel like you're a better person, and you'll be more comfortable in your own skin. But you'll still be alone. After a while, it will seem natural, like you're just not meant to be in a relationship."

His mouth twists into a bitter half-smile. "And then ten years after you made the worst decision of your life, you'll see her again. And through some combination of your own maneuvering and sheer, blind luck, you'll somehow get a second chance. And she'll be even more amazing than she was the first time around, and you'll know that you're hopelessly in love and that you will _never_ find anyone like her again, and you will be so determined to do everything right and to make it work this time."

He gives a harsh laugh. "But when you look deep into her eyes, you won't see that same feeling reflected back at you. Instead, you'll see hurt and wariness and distrust, and it will kill you to know that _you_ caused it. That _you_ did that to her. And that _you_ did that level of damage to the best relationship you'll ever have."

He opens his mouth again, his body rigid with the attempt to control his emotions, but suddenly she's closing the distance between them, barely aware of the tears streaming down her face as she wraps her arms around his waist, pressing herself into his chest and choking back her sobs.

"Stop," she whispers. "Please stop."

She can feel him trembling as his arms tighten around her, pulling her close. "I'm sorry," she gasps, the words hurting as they come out. "I didn't know what it was like for you. I never thought past my own pain…." Her hands twist into his shirt. "I'm sorry, Tobias." For a few seconds, they're both silent, gripping each other to ease the emotions churning through them. Her voice is strangled when she adds, "I just need to know that we're together for the right reasons."

He nods, burying his face into her hair. "We are. I swear we are." He begins rocking them gently back and forth, back and forth. She's not sure which of them he's trying to comfort. "I can't pretend I don't feel guilty. _Of course_ I do. I hurt you, the same fucking way my mother hurt me." It's a staggering comparison. "But that is _not_ why I'm with you." His breath is hot against her ear. "If you never believe anything else I say, you need to believe that." He swallows the thickness in his throat. "I'm here because you're the one I want, Tris. The only one." Somehow, his grip tightens even more. "You're it for me."

The words pull an answering knot of emotion from her – something too large and tangled to process at first. So, she clutches him back, letting the panic slowly subside and their heart rates return to normal, as she weighs the truth in his voice and his hold against what she overheard from Nita. "What did you say to Amar?" she finally asks.

It seems to take him a moment to remember what she's referring to, and then he nods tensely. "We were talking about Christmas." He presses his cheek to her temple, still holding her like he's afraid to let go. "I'm…not good with holidays, and I thought he might have some suggestions."

A new source of upset sinks through Tris' stomach. "You don't want to spend the day with my family, do you?" It's certainly understandable, but she's never missed a Christmas with them.

He doesn't answer immediately, just maintaining his iron grip. And then a long sigh drains out of him. "It's really just your father." His voice is muffled through her hair.

She nods slowly, knowing now exactly what Nita must have overheard. "But you'd feel guilty if you don't go. If I miss it for you, or if I go without you."

The response seems like it's dragged out of him, barely audible. "Yes."

It's her turn to sigh. She remembers the fury she felt toward her father at Thanksgiving, when he tried to stand up for Marcus no matter how much it hurt Tobias. And she knows that if she has to choose between them right now, she'll pick the man she's holding. But she doesn't want it to come to that.

"Did Amar have any ideas?"

"Other than telling me to man up and deal with it?" He gives a wry chuckle, but she doesn't return it, feeling a fresh surge of anger instead – directed toward Amar this time. Tobias shifts a little, freeing his right hand to run through her short hair. "He pointed out that individual holidays sometimes suck, but that I need to think about what I want in the long term. So, he suggested that I figure out how I want to be celebrating ten years from now – and start some traditions that I want to be doing then."

It's a compelling piece of advice, and for a moment she thinks about the possibilities – about traditions that she and Tobias could build together and make their own, and how to fit those into the ones she's always known.

He kisses her temple, pausing for a second before continuing. "Tris, what I want ten years from now is to still be with you." The blunt statement pulls at her heart even more. "And I want to be celebrating with your family. I want them to be _our_ family, because let's face it – they're the only one we have, and our kids should be close to them."

This isn't the first time that Tobias has raised the idea of children, but something about this moment makes it real. She can picture them, a decade from now, laughing as Tobias scoops them up to go to her parents' house, their deep blue eyes gazing at her through their dirty blond hair. And for the first time since _Peter_ , she feels drawn to the image. She _wants_ that future.

With the desire comes a sense of shame. How could she have allowed Nita's misinterpretation to knock her so far off course? How could she have even _considered_ walking away from Tobias? She wraps her arms more tightly around him, trying not to think about how much pain that would have caused both of them. It would have been impossible to live with.

"I love you, Tobias." She doesn't necessarily intend to say the words; they simply slip out, a truth that she's kept to herself for entirely too long. But the moment they're out, she's glad of it. She should have told him weeks ago.

Time seems to pause, the universe frozen as Tobias' breathing stops and they both just stand there, still locked in each other's grasp. "Say it again," he finally responds, his voice rough, uncertain of what he heard.

Pulling back enough to look up at him, she meets his gaze unwaveringly. She reaches up, pressing a finger over his lips the way he's been doing with her for the last few weeks, before repeating, "Tobias, I love you. You're the only man I've ever loved, but I don't just love who you were. I love who you are now. And I know that I always will."

His eyes search hers with an intensity that she doesn't think she's ever experienced with anyone, anywhere, and then a smile slowly begins to form across his mouth. He reaches up, his hand closing gently around hers and pulling it away.

"I love you, too," he whispers throatily.

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are very, very much appreciated! :-)


	13. Chapter 13: Tobias – Bathroom Discussions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the flood of reviews that you wrote for the last chapter! I really appreciate the support. Thank you also to my wonderful beta reader, BarbaraK2U! This chapter is a lot lighter than some of the previous ones.

 

**Chapter 13: Tobias – Bathroom Discussions**

It's a typical status meeting, filled with excuses on why everyone is running behind without it actually being their fault. At least Amar is good at navigating through the bullshit, his calm presence and easy guidance helping to get the project back on track. As many years as Tobias has been watching him deal with situations like this, it still surprises him sometimes to see how well Amar works a room. He has an almost magical ability to get people to accept his ideas as if they'd thought of them themselves.

Despite that, Tobias' patience is more than a little thin by the end of the meeting, and he's just as glad to stay behind for a few minutes, finishing his notes in peace while everyone else files out, complaining about people who aren't there and about how much they have to do.

He doesn't realize that Nita has stayed behind, too, until she speaks. "What's the matter, Four?" Her eyebrows are knit together with concern. "You seem out of sorts today."

Tobias' back stiffens as he fixes her with a cold look. He really shouldn't answer that question. He's spent too long building up his reputation for being professional and detached to lose it now. But at the same time, there's no way to pretend that he isn't furious with this particular coworker.

"It's okay," she reassures him, "you can tell me." She reaches a casual hand out to touch his arm, and the gesture sends him over the edge.

Pulling away quickly, he snarls, "I do _not_ appreciate what you did to my girlfriend."

"I'm afraid I don't follow." Her innocent expression would probably fool most people, or at least most of the men who get distracted by her sultry style of beauty. Tobias isn't one of them.

"I'm pretty damned sure you do." His tone is icy. "I saw you watching us at the party. When Tris went to the ladies' room, you followed her, didn't you?" It's not really a question. "So she would overhear the crap you said."

For a split second, Nita's expression changes, a glint of satisfaction showing along with displeasure at getting caught, but then she masks it. "Oh, no." Her eyes widen in mock distress. "She heard my conversation with Amanda? Four, I'm so sorry. I had no idea she'd gone in there. When she left your side, I thought she went to get more drinks." She all but bats her eyelashes in feigned innocence. "I hope we didn't upset her too much."

"Can it, Nita." It's a low growl. "You're not fooling anyone." He gathers his papers, rising to his full, intimidating height and pointedly walking around the other side of the table to reach the door without going near her. "Just stay away from Tris."

He's almost to the door when Nita responds. "What do you see in her anyway?" Her tone is openly scornful.

Tobias turns back, his fury deepening. " _Everything_." He knows he should stop there, but Nita is wearing a disgusted, disdainful expression now that is such a blatant insult to Tris…. So, he finds himself adding, "The real question is what I ever saw in you." Raising a dubious eyebrow, he gives her a pensive look while lifting a shoulder, like there's no possible answer to that question. "I guess that's why I had to fantasize about Tris when I was in bed with you. It was the only way to get hard."

There are no words to describe the outrage on Nita's face. "You most certainly did not!"

"Yeah, I did." It's somewhat of an exaggeration, since he only really did that a few times, but he lets the memory of those times fuel his smirk. "But you know, the funny thing is that I've never fantasized about anyone else when I'm with Tris. So, I'll stick with her, thanks." He takes a step toward the door before pausing, looking back over his shoulder. "We're done here, right?"

She doesn't answer aloud, but judging by the visual daggers that she's sending his way, they are in fact done in every possible manner. That works for him.

"Good," he mutters as he walks out the door.

"My Lord, you're cold," Will comments from where he's standing two feet away. Tobias starts at the unexpected presence. "Seriously, dude, that's just…. Wow."

The taller man responds with a shrug, walking at his usual brisk pace toward his cubicle. Will keeps up beside him.

"And to think – I was rooting for you and Nita to get back together." Somehow, Will manages to keep his voice deadpan.

"Fuck you, too," Tobias growls back, eliciting a laugh from his friend.

"Should I ask what she did to deserve that?"

"No." By now, they've arrived at Tobias' cubicle, and he gives Will a pointed look. "Did you need something?"

"Just curious if you're going to Zeke's party on Saturday."

Tobias takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself back to a normal state. "Yeah. We'll be there." He sags into his desk chair, watching as Will plops into the nearest guest seat.

"Good. Christina was bummed when you guys left the company party early. I think she feels like she doesn't get enough time with her roommate these days."

"Hmm." At Will's _look_ , he adds, "You're not expecting an apology, are you? It's not like you don't take all the time you can get with Christina."

"True." His friend smiles, obviously picturing his girlfriend – and probably some of the things they do when they're alone together. "Did I ever thank you for introducing us?"

"No, but honestly, your presence has worked very much to my favor." The side of his mouth lifts. "So, thank _you_ for distracting her every time she wanted to kill me."

Will's chuckle is low. "Yeah, Christina pretty much hated you for a while there." He raises his left shoulder. "But, you know, she gets this wild energy when she's angry, so it worked out pretty well for me, too."

Tobias doesn't quite hide his snort. "Glad I could contribute to your sex life."

His friend laughs again. "I must say, out of all my coworkers, you are definitely _not_ the one I expected to introduce me to the love of my life." Tobias is only slightly surprised by the revelation; it's been obvious for a long time how much the two of them care about each other. "But, um, I'm glad I accepted your invitation that first day." A lopsided smile finds its way onto Will's face, and for a few seconds, he sits there, lost in thought.

When he glances up again, their eyes meet in the awkward guy manner that goes with acknowledging real emotions to each other.

"Anyway," Will adds hastily as he stands, brushing off his slacks, "Amar and George will be there, too. On Saturday. Christina really hit it off with them the other night and asked Zeke if she could bring them." He nods a little, reinforcing his own words. "That's okay with you, right, Four?"

"Yeah. They'll be a good addition to the group." In fact, now that he thinks about it, Tobias wishes he'd mentioned the idea to Zeke a while ago.

"I thought so," Will continues, "but I figured I should warn you, in case you're one of those people who doesn't like seeing their boss in a personal setting or something."

Tobias actually rolls his eyes at that. Clearly, Will has no idea how many years he's been in karate classes with those two men. "They're definitely not a problem." He pauses, looking toward his cubicle door as he remembers the risk of being overheard. Lowering his voice, he adds, "Just don't invite Eric."

Another laugh comes from Will. "Man, how did I miss that opportunity?"

* * *

Tris and Tobias make a point of arriving fifteen minutes early, wanting to avoid a repeat of their conspicuous entrance to the barbeque. It proves to be overkill, since no one else shows up for another half-hour, but they don't mind. It gives them a little quiet time with their friends.

As a whole, the party proves to be more laid back than the last one they attended here, presumably because everyone has gotten used to Tobias being back in Chicago – and dating Tris again. Uriah gives him a friendly clap on the shoulder, and Christina actually hugs him, something that freaks him out slightly. Tris laughs at his expression.

They end up packed into the living room, Tris sitting between Tobias' legs on the floor, leaning back against his chest, while the last dinner dishes finish cooking. They're playing a casual game – a Pedrad holiday tradition where everyone pulls another person's name from a hat and states something they like about that person. So far, it's been much milder than that stupid round of Never Have I Ever, and Tobias is in a good mood as he nuzzles his nose into the back of Tris' neck, enjoying her scent as he always does.

"Okay, okay, I've got it," Shauna announces after thirty seconds of trying to figure out something to say about Amar, given she just met him. "I really like your shirt."

"Oh, sure," Amar mutters good-naturedly. "Compliment a gay man on his clothing. _That's_ original."

They all laugh, though Lynn responds with, "Well, she's always insulting mine, so it's a wash."

Zeke leans forward, pulling a slip of paper from the hat. With a grin, he comments, "All right, then, Lynn. I happen to _love_ your current outfit."

Shauna smiles slyly at her sister. "Maybe I could borrow it – you know, in a couple of months when none of my clothes fit." Lynn just wrinkles her nose, refusing to be flustered. Prior to Shauna's pregnancy, the two were essentially the same size, but Lynn tends to like baggy, oversized clothes while Shauna prefers form-fitting ones.

Marlene catches the hat when Zeke tosses it to her, drawing a name and pursing her lips as she considers it. "Um, Will, I like that you make my friend happy."

A small chorus of "aww" goes through the women, and Christina cheerily gives her boyfriend a peck on the lips.

Uriah is next, and Tobias immediately knows whose name he drew when the younger man waggles his eyebrows at Tris. He tries very hard not to bristle, knowing that he should be long past any jealousy by now, but he still can't quite keep himself from glaring. The effect is amplified when Uriah announces, "Tris, I like your butt."

A collective laugh goes through the group – minus Tobias, and Tris herself, who seems to be looking at Marlene curiously. But Marlene just shrugs. "What can I say? He's right." She winks at Tris. "It's a great ass."

"I've been telling her that for _years_ ," Christina agrees enthusiastically.

"They're not wrong," Tobias whispers into his girlfriend's ear, pulling her further back into him so he can feel that particular body part pressing against his own favorite region. Something flits across the back of his mind with the movement, as his hands slide up her thighs to her hips to lift her. He's not quite sure what.

Uriah passes the hat to Amar, who draws a name. "Ah." His gaze settles on Tobias. "Four, my friend, I admire many things about you, but your integrity has to be at the top of that list. You are one of the most trustworthy and deserving individuals I have ever known." The older man inclines his head, and Tobias feels warmth spreading through him. For over a decade now, Amar has been his mentor and teacher and boss and friend – more of a father to him than Marcus ever was. His praise carries weight.

Beside him, George nods. "For what it's worth, I agree." Reaching into the hat, he pulls a name of his own. "Christina, I know that we only met recently, but I'm already thoroughly enjoying your attitude toward life. Never lose that." An almost shy smile touches Christina's face before she blows him a light kiss of thanks.

Tris shifts a little to take the hat, and again, a thought he can't quite place flits across Tobias' mind. He watches as she selects one of the few remaining names. "Uriah, I certainly don't _always_ appreciate your sense of humor." The corners of her mouth lift. "But _sometimes_ you kind of manage to win me over." Her friend gives a triumphant crow, and she quickly adds, "A _little_. On rare occasions. Don't get used to it."

Over the general laughter, Tris shifts again so Tobias can reach the hat, and abruptly he figures it out. _She's not wearing underpants._

A complete blankness washes over his mind, and for a good five seconds, he sits there, staring at his girlfriend as she continues to hold the hat. His breathing is already starting to quicken. There's nothing but that dress between him and the body he loves to devour. He could lift it so easily….

"Tobias?"

His name, on her lips, is not entirely helpful under the circumstances, but it is enough to get him to draw a slip of paper. Dimly, he catches Zeke's name on it.

"Um." He can't seem to take his eyes off Tris, suddenly _very_ aware of the way she's rubbing against his lower region. "Um, Zeke…." His hands tighten, pulling Tris even closer, and he notices a mischievous gleam on her face. She knows that he knows now. Or maybe she's just feeling his physical reaction. Either way, that expression turns him on even more. "I, um, like…. Um…."

Tris' lips turn up just the barest hint as she finishes for him. "Tobias likes how you're able to understand his meaning with so few words."

A roar of laughter goes through the room, and Zeke stands up, bowing with a flourish. "Yes, I'm a master mind reader." His gaze moves over Tris and down Tobias, making it very clear that he does indeed know exactly what his friend is thinking right now. But he just smirks as he adds, "I've had a lot of practice lately with Shauna." He winks at her. "Pregnancy hormones, you know." He loops his finger by his ear.

Shauna hits his arm, turning red, but perhaps she knows what a good friend he's being, because she doesn't protest aloud. Instead, she nods at Tobias before calling out, "Christina's next."

* * *

Dinner is rowdy, as expected for anything that Zeke and Shauna host. Tobias, though, finds his tunnel vision getting worse the longer they sit there, his gaze fixated on Tris. He's far from sex-starved – they made love just this morning, after all, and last night, and maybe in between once, too, though that might have been a dream. It's difficult to tell the difference sometimes, since his reality is as good as his fantasies these days.

But no matter how satiated he should be, he still can't shake the last half-hour from his brain. It was almost exhibitionist, having her sit in his lap with only a slip of cloth between them, in a room full of people. And now she's right next to him, her leg pressed against his and her hand migrating up his thigh, hidden by the tablecloth, as they eat. It is an unbelievable turn-on.

The rest of the world disappears entirely when she begins eating the Chocolate Decadence dessert that Marlene brought. There's plenty for everyone, but Tobias is far too distracted by Tris' small moans of pleasure to even touch the slice sitting on his plate. All he can do is stare at his girlfriend, growing harder by the second. By the time she's done, his eyes are wide, and his breathing is shallow, and he's pretty sure that he's not going to sit comfortably again for a very long time. Though he certainly can't leave the table like this, either.

His attention is so far gone that he actually jumps when Christina asks him a question. "What?" he asks, bug-eyed.

"I asked if you were enjoying the dessert?" she repeats, her voice rich with amusement.

Tris gives her roommate a sly smile. "It is absolutely _fantastic_ , Christina." Underneath the table, she runs her fingers idly along the zipper of Tobias' pants. It's all he can do not to groan. "Best I've ever had."

"Apparently," Christina responds dryly, her gaze moving to Tobias again. "One might even say, 'orgasmically good.'"

Will leans closer, smirking as he mutters, "Let's find out." And then he's extending his fork to his girlfriend, inviting her to eat, and just like that, the attention is off Tobias. It's a good thing, because he can't seem to find his voice to save his life. Particularly not when Tris keeps running those fingers where she is.

Honestly, he's not sure how he manages to subdue his reaction long enough to leave the table, but when Tris vanishes down the hallway to use the bathroom, he's quick to follow. She only gets the door halfway open, on her way out, before he's pushing her back in there, joining her and quickly locking the door behind them.

"You," he whispers huskily, "are driving me insane."

She smirks as she loops her arms behind his neck, swaying tantalizingly against him. "I have no idea what you mean, Tobias."

"Of course not." His hands slide down her butt, enjoying the smooth feeling, before shaping themselves to the back of her legs. Lifting her abruptly, he sets her on the countertop, stepping forward to stand between her knees. "You're the picture of innocence." His palms begin working their way up her thighs, under her dress. "I'm sure you simply _forgot_ your underwear today."

Her low chuckle answers him. "Well, I _had_ a pair on this morning, until a certain someone removed them." She trails her fingertips along the bulge in his pants. "But I didn't have any extra for after that."

"Uh-huh." He has reached the area he's most interested in now, and some type of primal sound comes out of him when he feels how wet she is. "You are definitely _not_ making a case for needing another drawer at my place, you know."

"Mmm." She pauses, unable to speak for a moment as he traces patterns along her sensitive flesh. "So, you like it when I go commando?" Her voice is more of a gasp, and there's an urgency to her movements as she finishes undoing his pants, shoving them down his legs.

" _Like_ is completely the wrong verb." He has her dress hiked all the way up now, out of his way, and he's pressing hard against her, barely able to maintain enough control to wait as he fumbles for a condom. "Commando may not be right, either. That seems like a guy term."

A sigh of deep relief exudes from both of them when he's finally able to push into her. "This really isn't the time to be comparing me to a guy," Tris mutters as he pulls back, long and slow, before sliding all the way in again.

He chuckles. "Whine, whine, whine." Her legs wrap around him, pulling him tight. "But I'll agree. You are _definitely_ all woman." Another slow draw out and a hard thrust in. "You have no idea how good you feel, Tris."

"Oh, I know exactly how good I feel," she sighs back. "Thank you for that, by the way."

He's unable to answer, too immersed in her – and _them_ – to banter anymore. Instead, he directs his pent-up desire into more productive avenues, letting their bodies work in symphony, hands and lips and considerably more intimate parts eliciting a level of ecstasy he's only ever felt with her.

For the first time, he loses count of how many peaks she reaches, oblivious to everything except the sheer raw sensations that they share as they thrust and swirl and grasp, their moans mixing as much as their bodies. "I love you, Tris," he exhales as he finally gives in, plunging deep inside her those last few times before he erupts. His arms are a solid cage around her, pulling her tight when his orgasm overwhelms him. "I love you so much."

She's panting, her hands clasped behind his neck to support herself, their foreheads touching. "I love you, too, Tobias."

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows that they weren't exactly subtle about disappearing together – or quiet in their tryst. But it's still a surprise to see Lynn standing outside the door when he opens it, trying to surreptitiously slip out to rejoin their friends. She looks at him levelly, her mouth pinched, before handing him a container of disinfectant wipes.

"Seriously, the rest of us have to use that room, too."

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured Tris was due for a good bathroom experience after the last chapter... ;-) Please let me know what you thought!


	14. Chapter 14: Tris – Traditions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the reviews! They're my Christmas presents, just so you know. :-) Thank you also to my wonderful beta reader, BarbaraK2U!

  
**Chapter 14: Tris – Traditions**

This will be the first Christmas Eve that Tris has spent away from her family, and the first one that Tobias has spent with _anyone_ since Marcus. So, they're understandably both a bit nervous when she arrives, shaking the cold air off along with her coat.

"Hi," she greets him, standing on tiptoe to give him a kiss. "You look nice." She's always liked plaid flannel shirts on him.

"So do you." Amusement seeps into his tone as he gestures to her pink sweater with the knitted Christmas tree that covers the entire front of it. The cats are likely to go nuts over the little bells and bows that decorate the tree.

"My mom gave me this," she mutters, reddening a touch. "So, I'll need to wear it tomorrow, and I figured if I stay over…."

The words draw a smile from him. "You're always welcome to keep clothes here, you know. I can clear as much space as you want."

She smirks a little, remembering their conversation in Zeke and Shauna's bathroom. "You mean you'll give me another drawer?" He grins as his hands find her hips, pulling her close. "And maybe some hanging room?"

"Consider it done." He leans down to kiss her again, lingering longer this time, but they break apart before going too far down that road. There are other things they want to do first. "So, um, I did a lot of reading and thinking, and I picked some new 'traditions' we could try. If you're game?"

"Of course." She rests her hands on his chest for a moment longer. "And maybe we could incorporate some of what I've always done with my family on Christmas Eve?"

His expression grows serious. "Tris, we can still go over there if you want."

"No." She gives him another quick kiss. "Tonight is for us." It's what they worked out, after she realized how much he was dreading spending the holiday with her father. They'll only go to her parents' house for Christmas afternoon, and the rest of the time will be just for the two of them. "Caleb and Cara wanted to do their own thing tonight anyway, so it's better for everyone this way."

Tobias nods, still not entirely convinced, but she links her hand with his, squeezing firmly, as she adds, "What's first?"

The question restores his smile, and he leads her to the eating bar that serves as his only dining area. Magazines are spread across it, with scissors and glue sticks and a large piece of cardboard. It reminds Tris of school projects from years ago.

"I thought we could make a collage." He looks somewhat shy. "We would each find images that remind us of people we love, and share a story about why that is. And then glue them onto the board. Every year would be a different set of stories."

At first, Tris isn't sure about the idea, her eyebrows scrunched as she flips through the magazines. They cover a variety of topics – everything from the outdoors to celebrities – and it seems strange to use them instead of real photos. But the more she looks, the more she begins to see the potential in this idea. It inspires a different set of memories than photo albums do.

She smiles when she sees an elderly woman in the middle of a sky-dive, her arms and legs stretched wide and gray hair escaping from her helmet. "My grandmother Anna has always been brave," she comments. "I remember one time we were camping, years ago, and this huge dog wandered over from another campsite." She looks up, meeting Tobias' blue eyes. "I was just a little kid, and I ran away screaming, and of course that made the dog chase me." Her shoulders lift. "It probably thought I was playing a game or something, but I was terrified. And then Nana came charging to the rescue, screaming at the top of her lungs and flapping her arms like she was an ostrich or something." She laughs. "I have _never_ seen an animal run away that fast. It did this whole terrified yelping thing and everything as it took off."

Tobias' low chuckle joins hers, but there's a reminiscent look in his eyes. "I remember Anna, from your sixteenth birthday party. Your parents were kind of awkward with me by then, after everything Marcus told them, but she was nice."

Tris' eyes light up even more. "I'd forgotten about that." Her fingers close on the scissors, beginning to cut the photo out. "She really liked you. She said you were _cute_."

Tobias grins. "So that's where you get your good taste."

"Well, we are a lot alike." Cocking her head, Tris decides to glue the picture on the right side of the piece of cardboard, feeling like it should be ready to fly off the edge, the way the image represents. "She'll be there tomorrow, by the way, along with my grandfather, Douglas. They decided to come to my mother's house this year, instead of my uncle's, so they could meet Cara."

A small smile plays across Tobias' lips at that news. "I'll see if I can win them over," he comments, looking pleased at the prospect of having more people there. Tris can't blame him – it will take the brunt off Andrew's presence.

They flip through more pages, a comfortable silence falling in between idle comments on funny images. It takes some time for them to find something else meaningful, but then Tobias stops, his expression wistful. Tris watches as his fingers trace a picture of a woman with dark hair, leaning over a stove.

"My mother made Christmas cookies one year. Marcus never allowed treats – he always said they were self-indulgent – but I guess she'd had enough of his rules that year, and she snuck in a batch while he was at work." His eyes are distant, lost in the memory. "It was freezing, but we opened the windows anyway to air the house out, so he wouldn't know. We each ate two, and then she put the rest in a bag and hid it in my room and told me I could have one every day until they were gone. It was almost like getting Christmas presents…."

It's the first time that Tris has heard him really talk about Evelyn, and she reaches out, setting her hand on his.

His eyes are glossy when he looks up. "I miss her."

The words tug Tris closer, and she wraps her arms around him, her throat tight. She can't imagine how hard it must have been for nine-year-old Tobias to lose his mother, and to be left alone with his monster of a father.

Tobias returns her embrace, his voice a rough whisper against her hair. "I spent so many years hating her that I forgot how much I loved her once. For a while, she was my world."

Turning her head toward him, Tris kisses the side of his face. "It's okay to include her today, you know. You can honor what she was, no matter what happened later."

"Yeah." Tobias inhales deeply before releasing Tris. He makes quick work of cutting out the image, gluing it in the top left corner of the page. "That's where my story started," he explains softly.

Slowly, they fill the page, honoring Tris' family and a large number of their friends. Tobias adds pictures for his cats, since they're the only creatures to live with him as an adult, and Tris throws in one for the dog she and Caleb hid in their basement for three days before their parents found it – and returned it to the frantic neighbors it really belonged to. They leave the center of the page empty, though, both knowing what should go there.

Tobias is the one who finds it – an understated image of the ocean, the grayish blue sky reflecting off the much deeper blue of the water. There are no people in it, but it's still _them_ , and he holds the paper as she cuts it out, before they glue it in place together.

"You know you're my family, right?" he murmurs, his fingers pressing the picture into place.

"I do." She smooths the other edge of the image. "And you're mine, Tobias."

Those are the only words they need as they prop the collage against the wall at the end of the eating bar, stopping to gaze at it for a long moment. It's a good collection of memories for their first Christmas together.

* * *

Tris' initial contribution to the evening seems frivolous in comparison, but Tobias has no objection to continuing the Priors' annual fruitcake-launching contest.

"I actually like this stuff," he mutters as he pops a piece of it into his mouth before lining up his next shot. "I know you're not supposed to, but it's fruit and nuts and sugar – how can you go wrong?" He holds his selected bit in place with a fingertip so he can flick it with his other hand, sending it flying across the living room.

Tris leans in to give him a congratulatory kiss, since he just set the record for the evening. "I'll let you in on a dirty little secret," she whispers in a sultry voice. "I do, too." Tobias grins as she plucks another dried cherry from the mass on the table, flicking it forcefully. It goes off at the wrong angle, bouncing off the front door and then careening crazily along the floor. DC chases after it wildly.

"Are cats supposed to eat that?" Tobias asks uncertainly when the tabby finally catches it, holding it in place with his paws and crunching into it loudly. For a second, they exchange glances, and then they're both scrambling after the cats – and the assorted pieces of fruit and nuts that now litter the apartment. At best, they're a choking hazard, and at worst, potentially poisonous.

"I think we'd better save this game for my parents' house," Tris concludes once they're finally done cleaning up. Tobias mumbles his agreement, spinning a cat toy across the floor to mollify a very offended DC. "So, um, maybe we could try my second tradition instead?"

He eyes her briefly, as if debating how dangerous this one will prove to his pets, before saying, "Sure." His tone is dubious.

"It's easy – and safe," she reassures him, crossing the room to where her coat is hanging. "We basically just sit on the couch and watch old Christmas specials." Her shoulders lift apologetically as she pulls the DVD from her coat pocket. "I know it's totally unoriginal, but we've been doing it my whole life, so it wouldn't really feel like Christmas without that."

Tobias nods, an odd expression on his face as he rubs the back of his neck – his telltale sign of discomfort. "Well, for what it's worth, it will be new to me." When Tris' eyebrows rise, he adds, "That would be yet another thing that Marcus considered self-indulgent."

There's a long pause, during which Tris vividly imagines all of the things she'd like to do to her boyfriend's sorry excuse for a father. "You never watched them as an adult, either?" she finally asks. But she knows the answer even before he shakes his head. Who sits around watching holiday specials for the first time by themselves? It's not like they're fantastic pieces of art when they have no personal meaning.

"Okay, then," she eventually concludes, "I guess we have a lot of catching up to do."

And they try to do exactly that, snuggling together on the couch, petting the cats, as they watch Frosty and Rudolph and the Grinch. Tobias' expression ranges between wonder and amusement and other feelings that are harder to classify as he glances frequently between the television and Tris. He's obviously debating whether the terrible animation and trite storylines and sheer cheesiness of these shows are redeemed by how much his girlfriend loves them.

He finally seems to give up the battle when Hermey begins his dental work on the Abominable Snow Monster, chunky animation and absurd dialogue and all. "You realize this is _awful_ , Tris."

"Yeah." She grins, snuggling deeper into his side. "But it's great, too."

A lazy smile forms across his face, and he pulls her closer, kissing the top of her head. "Yeah, maybe it is."

"It's a Wonderful Life" comes on next, giving Tobias a break from bad animation, and Tris watches even more avidly. This is one of her favorites, even if it leaves her a bit teary at the end. "This movie always makes me wonder," she tells him, wiping her cheeks as the ending credits roll. "I mean, we all like to think we're important, but how different would the world really be if _I_ hadn't been born?"

Tobias pulls back enough to meet her gaze, his expression serious. "Tris, I don't think I would have made it without you." When her brows draw together, he adds, "Not to be overly dramatic or anything, but I was a mess as a teenager." He looks away, gesturing somewhat helplessly at the television. "I didn't have anything normal, and I was so hurt and angry and alone. And I didn't have any hope at all that things would improve. I couldn't even imagine it." His eyes are dark with emotion. "But you changed all that. Sometimes, I'm not entirely sure how you did it, but you did. You changed my life more than anyone else has _ever_ done."

The comment seems to start a small flame in her, one that burns brighter the longer she considers it. Over the years, she has come up with a variety of little ways in which she's changed the world around her, but none of them seemed worthy of the movie they just watched. This one, though, is different. If she truly made that much of a difference in Tobias' life…that would be enough. That, by itself, would mean that her life has been worthwhile.

"The bigger question is what the world would be like without _me_ ," Tobias adds, his voice deep with doubt.

Tris can't stop the laugh that bursts forth at that. "Um, starting with the most obvious…Shauna would be _dead_ without you. Which means that Zeke wouldn't be married to her, and they wouldn't be expecting a child." She raises a pointed eyebrow. "And who knows what the guilt would have done to Lynn."

Tobias shifts a little, uncomfortable as he always is with the topic of how he rescued Shauna, but Tris continues anyway. "And George is always talking about how many people you've helped in karate over the years, especially the ones who really need it." She debates adding more to that, but they both know she's talking about those in abusive situations. So, instead, she changes her focus. "And then, of course, there's me. My life would be _very_ different if I hadn't met you."

"I'm not entirely sure that would be bad," Tobias admits, not meeting her eyes. When her mouth gapes open, he adds, "Can you honestly say that you wouldn't be better off if I hadn't broken your heart?"

For a moment, she's too stunned to respond. And then she speaks from a decade of struggle and experience and lessons learned. "Yes, I can. I used to think about that – a lot. For months – maybe years – after you left, I wished I'd never met you. If I could have scrubbed you out of my memory then, I would have." She sighs. "But in the long run, I changed my mind."

Her fingers play idly with his shirt as she tries to formulate her thoughts. "You gave me a comparison point. I knew what love really was because of you, and that meant that I didn't settle for something less. So, I didn't stay with Uriah, or Al, or anyone else I tried to love…but didn't." The side of her mouth tenses. "Without you, I'm pretty sure I'd be living a half-life now."

Tobias is silent for a long time, his gaze unfocused. "Do you think we would have made it," he finally asks, "if we'd stayed together? If I had never left?"

"I don't know." She looks up at him, contemplating that. "Part of me thinks we would have, but in some ways, I think we both needed the time apart, to grow. Even if a lot of it was painful." Her brows draw together as she nods thoughtfully. "I like where we ended up, Tobias."

His response is to wrap his arms tightly around her, resting his cheek on her temple. "I do, too."

Their attention is drawn by Charlie Brown, and for a few moments they watch the television, not really seeing it. "Come on," Tobias tells her, grabbing the remote and turning the set off. "There's one more tradition I'd like to try tonight."

She doesn't object as he leads her over to the small desk with his computer. "Pick a few songs," he says, pulling up a list of choices. "I want to dance with you."

A smile tugs at her mouth, memories of previous dances coming to mind. "Too bad I didn't bring my heels."

"Mmm." He makes no attempt to hide how much he likes the thought of her wearing those. "They do show your butt off perfectly." He gives a dramatic sigh. "But my feet probably wouldn't survive it, anyway, so we'll just have to deal with socks."

She laughs, choosing not to answer the barb as she picks out her songs and adds them to his existing list. Presumably, he selected some music earlier, too.

And then they're dancing through the living room and kitchen, chasing the cats out of the way as they waltz and sway and just generally enjoy the exercise. It's not until Tris' final choice – John Legend's "All of Me" song – comes on that they become more serious.

Tobias pulls her close then, pressing his face into her hair while their bodies move in sync, and Tris feels as if the words are coming directly from inside both of them. She's never been great with music, but she lets herself sing the lyrics now, her voice soft by Tobias' ear.

_'Cause all of me_

_Loves all of you_

_Love your curves and all your edges_

_All your perfect imperfections_

To her surprise, Tobias's deeper voice joins in, a perfect offset to the rich tones of the song.

_Give your all to me_

_I'll give my all to you_

_You're my end and my beginning_

_Even when I lose I'm winning_

_'Cause I give you all of me_

_And you give me all of you…._

Tobias pulls back very slightly, just enough to touch his forehead to hers, their breaths merging, so they're singing directly to each other. It somehow makes the moment even more intimate, sealing the promise they made earlier in the evening. They are each other's family.

"I love you, Tobias," she murmurs after the song ends, quiet settling back into the apartment.

"I love you, too," he answers, smiling as he always does on _too_. She knows that he loves being able to add that word.

They don't try any other traditions that day, too caught up in where their emotions take them instead, but that's more than fine. It leaves something new for next year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case anyone thought otherwise, I don't own John Legend's "All of Me" song any more than I own the "Divergent" characters. Darn.
> 
> I'm hoping to get the Christmas day chapter done before Christmas, but I can't say that the odds are great, so it will probably be posted sometime after that. In the meantime, I would love to hear what you thought of this chapter. Happy holidays to all of you!


	15. Chapter 15: Tobias – Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year to my wonderful readers! Thank you for your reviews, favorites, and follows throughout 2015. Thank you also to my wonderful beta reader, BarbaraK2U!

  
**Chapter 15: Tobias – Christmas**

One of life's sweetest pleasures is watching Tris Prior as she lies asleep, the morning light catching her face just right. It's a sight that Tobias never even knew to miss during their years apart, because he had never seen it before he left. But now he doesn't think he'll ever get enough of it.

He daydreams as his gaze soaks her in, remembering all the details from last night. He knows full well what it meant that she chose _that_ song, and that she sang it to him as they danced. She meant the words as much as he did. No, she _means_ the words as much as he _does_.

Careful not to disturb her, he props himself up on one elbow so he can see her even better. He spent so many years feeling like he would never have the things that other people do. Not the material objects, per se, but all the _moments_. He used to watch those jealously when he was younger – glimpses of parents interacting with their children, and lovers with each other, and even friends laughing together. None of that applied to his shell of a life. And truth be told, he didn't feel like he deserved it anyway.

It's amazing how thoroughly Tris has changed that.

She stirs a little, groaning in her sleep, and he can't help smiling as her hair flops inelegantly to the side. It has grown out some over the three and a half months they've been dating, enough to give her fierce bedhead whenever she first wakes up. To him, it's utterly adorable, no matter how much it clearly aggravates her.

The clock switches over to seven-thirty, and he sighs, knowing it's time to rise. Tris has always gone to church with her family on Christmas morning, but the two of them chose not to continue that tradition this year since it's the same church that Marcus attends. Instead, they're going to try the service at one Tobias has been attending sporadically, and that means they need to arrive early to find seats in the holiday crowd that is sure to descend.

"Tris," he murmurs, nuzzling his nose into the side of her face. "You need to wake up."

She moans again, swatting at him instinctively. It draws a chuckle from him.

"Merry Christmas, love," he whispers, his lips tracing her ear. Just how does she always smell so good, anyway?

"I don't want to get up," she mutters somewhat petulantly, and a low rumble of laughter vibrates through his chest.

"You _never_ want to get up, Tris." He shifts so he's on top of her, hovering over her in a plank position. "But it's time."

Her eyes open reluctantly, meeting his. "Why are you on top of me?"

"Habit." He grins at her vaguely confused expression. "It's where my mind goes when I wake up next to you."

She gives an amused snort, clearly more alert now. "Tobias, your mind is _always_ there."

"Can you blame me?" He kisses the base of her throat, letting his lips wander along her neck. "I have a gorgeous girlfriend, who smells incredible, and who feels…." Some type of moan finishes the sentence, before he forces himself to roll off her, flopping onto his back and trying to ignore his very obvious arousal. "You have no idea how tempting you are."

For a moment, her eyes wander down his body, and he hears her breathe out, "This from the Greek god…." His lips twitch at the compliment. He'll probably never like his own appearance, not with how much he resembles his father – and with how many scars mar his body and mind – but it certainly helps to have Tris look at him like _that_.

Their eyes move to the clock simultaneously, and then Tris sighs, sitting up slowly. "Tonight," she promises, a small smile gracing her face as she runs her fingers lightly over his chest.

He nods as he sits up, too, wishing he at least had time for a cold shower. "I suppose we could always find a bathroom before then." He smirks. "At your parents' house, or the church."

For a split second, her mouth opens, scandalized, before she turns the most flaming shade of red he has ever seen. And then she smacks his forearm, hard.

"What?" he says, trying to look innocent. "I thought that was our new thing to do at group events. Some couples mingle, some stick to themselves, and some have incredible sex in the bathroom."

"Not on _Christmas_ ," she protests, her tone incredulous. "And certainly not in _church_!"

It is rather sacrilegious, he supposes, but somehow that just doesn't seem to bother him as he watches her slip into the bathroom, shaking her head. Maybe his blood flow is too localized at the moment to support his conscience.

"Right," he calls loudly as he drags himself to his feet, starting to collect his clothes for the day. "We'll save it for the New Year's party. Got it."

He's pretty sure that's a chuckle he hears through the door.

* * *

Tobias tries hard to maintain his good mood as they pull up to Tris' childhood home just after noon. So far, this has been by far the best Christmas he's ever had, even if the church service was a bit lackluster. And it's not as if there aren't members of Tris' family that he wants to see today, so he makes a valiant effort to focus on them while he climbs the steps to Andrew's house.

Natalie greets him first, giving him a forced smile and an awkward hug. He returns both with a more genuine version, determined to win her over eventually. She turns to Tris next, leaving him to face her husband.

"Tobias," the older man says stiffly, extending a hand. He shows his teeth in what seems intended to be a friendly gesture. "I'm glad you came." They shake hands briefly before his gaze flicks to his daughter. "And I will try to be a better host this time."

Honestly, it's more of an apology than Tobias expected, so he gives a tight smile in return, nodding his acknowledgement. "Thank you for inviting me back."

Fortunately for both of them, they don't end up spending much time together that afternoon. Instead, Tobias talks with everyone else – helping Natalie in the kitchen, getting to know Caleb and Cara better, and relaxing with Natalie's parents, Anna and Douglas. Tris keeps a sharp eye on her father, probably trying to ensure that he doesn't start any unwelcome conversations, but it gradually becomes clear that Andrew feels bad about Thanksgiving and has no wish to repeat his mistakes.

The meal comes and goes, with the larger group dispersing into smaller conversations while Tris and Caleb clean up. They adamantly refuse Tobias' help, which is probably a code for needing some brother-and-sister time alone, so he finds himself smiling softly as he watches them move back and forth from the dining room table to the kitchen, joking and elbowing each other and almost dropping a number of dishes.

"See, now _that's_ what love is supposed to look like." Douglas' voice is just loud enough to carry – aimed at his wife as they both take seats on the couch that sits perpendicular to where Tobias is sitting. With a smirk, he gestures between Tobias and Tris, instead of between the siblings. "It should be obvious to the world."

"That's not fair," Anna responds, scolding her husband in a manner that's more sweet than annoyed. "I'm sure that Caleb and Cara love each other very much. They simply show it differently."

Tobias' eyebrows rise as he fully grasps that Tris' grandparents are comparing his relationship to Caleb's. The realization is reinforced by the elderly man's snort. "You can't be in love without passion."

"Just because you haven't observed it doesn't mean it's not there," Anna insists, more firmly now. "I seem to recall you saying something similar about Natalie and Andrew, and they have certainly proven you wrong."

Douglas lifts a shoulder, inclining his head in reluctant agreement before giving Tobias a look, wordlessly inviting him to join the conversation. But the younger man has no desire to insult Caleb; after all, Tris' brother has been considerably kinder to him than her parents have.

"I suppose you're right," Douglas admits after a moment. "But I would certainly feel more comfortable if they looked at each other the way those two do." He gestures again between Tobias and where Tris is currently piling plates from the table into her arms.

Anna considers that, pursing her lips. "I don't know. _Those_ two have always looked at each other that way, and yet here they are, still just dating after all this time." Her expression challenges Tobias to provide an explanation. "So, perhaps _that look_ isn't everything."

"I…um…." Tobias swallows, suddenly on the defensive and wondering if the two of them planned that the whole time. "It's not like we've been together for all these years. I actually was in Boston for most of it." He scratches the back of his neck uncomfortably. "We've been back together for less than four months."

"Hmm." Douglas' mouth is a flat line now, and Tobias can feel sweat starting to prickle his forehead. He didn't expect the kindly old couple to put him on the spot.

"So, you're not just leading our granddaughter on?" Anna asks, her tone surprisingly intimidating for a woman in her seventies. It takes Tobias a few seconds to notice the amusement crinkling around her eyes – and to realize that they're playing him to figure out how serious he is. Fortunately, he has nothing to hide in that regard.

"I am most definitely not leading her on."

"And that means what, exactly?" Douglas adds, picking up his wife's start. "Marriage? Children? What are your intentions, young man?" Again, he keeps his face almost straight, only a hint of humor seeping through.

In that moment, Tobias decides to be blatantly honest. "I'm not the one you need to ask. If I had my way, we'd beat Caleb and Cara to it." It doesn't matter how recently they got back together; he's completely sure of what he wants. "But Tris needs more time." At Anna's questioning look, he realizes how that sounds, and he quickly adds, "Understandably so. But still – the timing is up to her. I'm ready whenever."

The elderly couple exchange a glance, before Douglas nods slowly, his expression sympathetic. "Yes, sometimes the ladies need a little convincing." He reaches out, patting his wife's knee gently. "But they come around eventually." For a second, his gaze holds Tobias', making it clear how long he waited for Anna to accept his proposal. It's oddly reassuring to hear that.

The corners of Tobias' mouth tug upwards as he admits, "I have high hopes for this time next year."

Anna smiles at that, but it's Douglas who answers aloud. "Making a New Year's resolution, son?"

They seem startled by how adamantly Tobias shakes his head. "God, no."

Silence dominates for several long seconds as confusion fills the older man's features. His wife's eyes narrow, her mental gears working rapidly, before a grin spreads slowly across her face. She nods, understanding in her eyes.

"Of course not, dear." She pats her husband's hand soothingly before turning back to Tobias. "Because no one ever keeps those, do they?"

The sides of Tobias' mouth lift, acknowledging her correct conclusion. "And I want this to happen."

Douglas gives a wry chuckle. "Fine, go with the old-fashioned approach, then." He leans back into the couch, making himself more comfortable. "But don't wait another decade, okay? I'd like to live long enough to see my youngest grandchild get married."

Tobias' lips twitch at the request. "I'll see what I can do."

* * *

It's difficult to keep his hands off Tris the rest of the afternoon. Part of it is the sheer physical draw, as always, but there's also a new form of intimacy that springs from admitting his goals to her grandparents. He can see the twinkle in Anna's eyes whenever she looks at them, and Douglas keeps finding opportunities to pat him on the back or shoulder, expressing gruff approval of him to everyone within earshot.

Between the two of them, plus Caleb's clear support and the way Cara follows her fiancé's lead, Tobias finds himself feeling a lot more welcome than he had expected. He's almost sorry when they call it a day, working their way gradually to the door, saying their goodbyes as they go.

"Hopefully we did a little better this time?" Andrew asks, giving a firm shake with one hand and a companionable clap to the younger man's shoulder with the other. He's clearly relieved when Tobias nods, smiling much less awkwardly than at the start of the afternoon.

Natalie's expression, on the other hand, is difficult to read. She seems downright nervous as she pulls Tobias into a hug, facing him for a moment afterwards. "I want you to know that we genuinely had no idea all those years." She shifts uncomfortably. "There are things you don't know about that played a role in convincing us that Marcus was telling the truth."

Before Tobias can figure out how to respond, she glances quickly at her daughter, who is still talking with Andrew, and then reaches into the stand by the door, pulling out a manila envelope. Her fingers play apprehensively with the top for a few seconds before she meets Tobias' gaze again.

"After what you said at Thanksgiving, I started wondering about a lot of things." Her voice is tight. "Things that I had been certain of before." She clears her throat. "You probably don't know that my brother is a private detective, but I asked him to do some research." Hesitantly, she extends the envelope to Tobias. "What he found is in here. It won't be easy to read, but I think maybe you need it."

Tobias takes the envelope automatically, not at all sure how to feel about it. He's speechless as Natalie adds, "But don't read it alone. And not tonight." Her lips lift in a sad smile. "It is Christmas, after all."

He's still trying to process her words when she gives his arm a gentle squeeze, turning back into her home and disappearing from sight. He watches after her until Tris takes his hand, leading him to the taxi, clearly oblivious to the conversation that he shared with her mother. All he can think as they ride back to his apartment is that this is definitely not the ending he had expected for this day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter was short, but on the bright side, the story is going to continue for somewhat longer I originally anticipated. It's currently mapping out as 21 chapters, though that might change slightly. In the meantime, please let me know what you thought of this chapter. :-)


	16. Chapter 16: Tris – Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, the good news is this chapter is early. The bad news is it's short. It's kind of full, though, despite that, so I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> As always, thank you to everyone who took the time to review the last chapter! I appreciate your support very much. Thank you also to my wonderful beta reader, BarbaraK2U!

  
**Chapter 16: Tris – Revelations**

Tris doesn't think she's ever seen Tobias so anxious. He sits there the morning after Christmas, fingering the envelope that her mother gave him for a good ten minutes before finally taking a deep breath and opening it.

She watches silently, toeing the line between providing moral support and protecting his privacy, as his eyes flit across the pages, turning one after another, his face growing more and more horrified the further he gets.

"Fuck!" he snarls, his hands tangling in his short hair. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." He flips the page before abruptly shoving himself back from the kitchen counter. The barstool crashes to the floor behind him, sending DC streaking from the room, but Tobias doesn't seem to notice. Instead, he continues to swear profusely as he paces in agitation.

Tris rises too, moving toward him, not knowing exactly what has him so upset but feeling a deep need to comfort him. But then he does something that she's never witnessed before – he smashes his fist into the wall, denting the plaster, while yelling some inarticulate sound of frustration at the top of his lungs. It causes Tris to back away, startled, and makes the usually imperturbable Marvel take off in a panic.

"I'll be back," Tobias snaps, grabbing his coat and leaving before Tris can say anything to stop him. Assuming she had any idea what to say.

For a very long time, she paces the way he had been, trying to decide what to do. The contents of the envelope are still scattered across the eating bar, where she could easily read them. And in some ways, she thinks she should. Clearly, whatever is in there has distressed her boyfriend beyond his ability to talk, which means he isn't likely to want to tell her about it. But he might well want her to know.

Or, that might be a blatant invasion of his privacy.

She resists for the first hour, finding other activities to distract herself from the envelope that seems to occupy more and more of the apartment the longer she tries to ignore it. But when Tobias still doesn't return, and when she eventually realizes that he left his cell phone behind, so she can't even call him to ask what she should do, the need to know overpowers everything else.

So she picks the barstool back up, slowly easing herself onto it, and collects the papers into a neat pile. With a hard swallow, she begins.

It doesn't take long to understand Tobias' reaction. The words swim together in her mind, refusing to gel at first, but somehow making sense despite that. Evelyn spent the second half of her son's childhood in jail. For trying to kill Marcus.

Tris finds herself pacing again, moving back to the counter every few minutes to read another part, her mind struggling to process the concepts. Evelyn never abandoned Tobias, at least not intentionally. She certainly didn't desert him in some attempt to save her own neck. She never even left the city. Instead, she was right here the whole time, probably despairing to see the son who hated her for all the wrong reasons.

With that comes the shock of what she actually did. She hired a man to kill Marcus – to flat-out _murder_ her husband. Tris has no idea what to make of that. Was she _that_ afraid that he'd kill her, or Tobias, or both? Did she try to stand up to him and fail? Did she look into ways to escape and decide that none of them would work? Or did she pick this as the easiest way to eliminate a threat?

Whatever the reason, she followed it by pleading guilty – not even trying to present evidence of the abuse she and Tobias suffered. Was that because prison was far safer than what Marcus would have done to her? Or was the evidence so overwhelming that it was her only option? Or did they offer her a plea bargain that traded her silence for a reduced sentence?

Tris' feet wear a path back and forth as she struggles to figure out the truth. She has to reread the second page repeatedly to convince herself of Evelyn's guilt. But the man she hired was an undercover police officer, so unless Marcus bribed him or blackmailed him or something along those lines, she probably did it. And Tobias wasn't even told about it, so he had no chance to ask her _why_.

A long groan escapes when Tris reaches the last page that Tobias read before storming out. Evelyn was released just two months after he left for college. At the same time he cut off all ties with his father, and his friends, and Chicago…. He left his mother with no way to find him, right when she might have been able to seek him out again.

"Shit," Tris mutters, shaking her head in dismay. She can't even imagine what he must be thinking right now. He already had conflicting feelings about his mother, without having them added to like this.

Eventually, she makes it through the rest of the package, following Evelyn's struggle to rebuild her life after prison. The younger woman has to close her eyes for a while after reading that Evelyn spent two years homeless, not allowed to move away from Chicago's bitter winters but not able to find a job to support herself in this expensive city. She's still living here, Tris realizes when she reaches the last page, living in what Tris knows is a terrible neighborhood and working for a domestic abuse organization.

Tris sinks down by the eating bar, trying to take comfort in the way Marvel rubs all around her, purring, as even more uncomfortable thoughts work their way into her mind. How much of this did her parents know? Did they allow Marcus to tell his lies, knowing how much they hurt Tobias, because they thought it would be even worse for him to know the truth? Did they know that Evelyn was living on the streets, desperate and alone, while Tobias was halfway across the country? Did they even care?

She's finally interrupted by the sound of the door unlocking, and she pulls herself quickly to her feet, wiping the remaining moisture from her cheeks. However hard this is for her, it must be vastly worse for Tobias, so she needs to get herself together for him.

He walks in, sweaty and exhausted, his coat in his hand, and she knows immediately that he must have gone to the gym. Maybe she should try that, she thinks – it's as good a release as any.

His eyes hold hers for a long moment, before dropping to the floor. "I'm sorry," he says softly. He gestures in the general vicinity of the dented wall. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's all right." She steps closer, realizing that she hadn't given any thought at all to his display of frustration and rage. But it's probably been bothering him. He goes to great lengths to control his temper, after all. "It's not a problem." Moving even closer, she adds quietly, "I read the packet."

Tobias nods jerkily, not meeting her gaze. "Good. It's…um…better that way. I didn't want to explain it."

"Yeah." Tris takes the last hesitant step toward him, reaching a tentative hand out and resting it on his chest. A breath shudders through him in response. "I don't know what to say."

He inhales sharply, like he wants to speak, but then he just shakes his head before abruptly dropping his face into her hair, his arms surrounding her in a tight embrace. "I don't, either." His voice is rough, and his grip is firm, and she hugs him back just as strongly. "I have _no idea_ what to do."

Some type of strangled laugh emerges from her. "It's not exactly a situation they write guidance manuals for, is it?"

"No." His tone contains the same bitter amusement as hers. "I wish they did."

She runs a hand lightly up and down his back, soothing him. "Let's face it. You wouldn't take the advice anyway."

A deep rumble catches in his chest – some mixture of a chuckle and a sob. "Probably not." He pulls her even closer, his body still tense. "Tris, I don't know if I want to see her."

She nods, understanding that his world has just been turned upside down and that he needs time to process the changes. "You don't have to," she tells him simply. Pulling back just far enough to bring his forehead to hers, she adds, "But you don't have to decide today, either. She still lives in Chicago." Tris hesitates, deciding not to mention that Evelyn was homeless for a while; she doesn't think he read far enough to see that. "So, you can change your mind whenever you want to."

Very slowly, he nods, his eyes closed. "Will you go with me if I do?" he finally asks, so quietly she almost doesn't catch the words.

Leaning up, she kisses him gently. "Absolutely."

He nods again before moving away from her, collecting the papers and shoving them back into the envelope. She watches as he crosses to his desk, slipping it into a drawer there. Out of sight, but definitely not out of mind.

"I'm going to go get parts for the wall." He's silent for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck, before he adds, "And then I need to start looking for a new therapist. I've been too long without one."

"Tobias," she sighs, "that doesn't count as getting violent, you know. You didn't hurt me."

"I know." His tone is more certain than she expected. " _And I never will._ " He meets her gaze openly, conveying his confidence of that fact. "But this…." He gestures toward the desk, a pained expression flashing across his face. "This I need help with." There's a brief pause. "And I've learned to accept when I need that."

For a moment, they just stare at each other, and then Tris nods, thinking about how much Tobias has matured since she knew him as a teenager, and wondering how much of that came from his previous therapy and how much his maturity led to him seeking out that therapy. Perhaps it's a circle, but either way, he clearly knows what he needs and has the strength to pursue it. She can't help but respect that.

"You're a wise man, Tobias." He smiles a little, but she's not joking, and she steps closer to him, resting her hands on his chest as she lets him see that she's serious. "It's one of the reasons I love you."

His face softens, and he caresses her cheeks gently. "I am," he says, the start of a grin finding its way through the morning's struggles. "That's why I love you, too."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As far as I know, this is a completely original take on Evelyn. I'm curious what you think of it. :-)


	17. Chapter 17: Tobias – Moving Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter took longer than usual. I've been down with the flu all week, so while I technically had plenty of writing time (since I was home instead of at work), I had no energy or mental cohesiveness to actually write. I appreciate all of the reviews you wrote while waiting; they helped motivate me. Thank you also to my wonderful beta reader, BarbaraK2U, who always catches things that I've missed.

**Chapter 17: Tobias – Moving Forward**

Tobias can't stop fidgeting as they wait in the park, the cold February weather penetrating through his thick coat. The place is deserted, which is hardly surprising on a weekday this time of year; that's probably why Evelyn picked it.

"She should be here soon," Tris reassures him, looking almost as nervous as he feels. But personally, he's not so sure that his mother will actually show up. She clearly doesn't trust him, or they'd be meeting at her home, or his, or _somewhere_ else inside. Not on the frozen ground of a park used primarily by the homeless.

His gaze catches on a form that's approaching from a nearby street, a coat bundled too tightly around it to reveal anything about its owner. That could be her, and he watches until the unknown person branches off in a different direction, missing them. A sigh of frustration emanates from him.

"Tobias." Tris' voice is tense, and he turns around quickly. Immediately, his focus is drawn where hers is – to another figure wrapped securely against the cold. This one seems to be heading directly toward them.

"It's her," he breathes out. He's not entirely sure how he knows – something about her gait, perhaps. But regardless, he's certain. And abruptly he's a nine-year-old child again, staring at the mother he hasn't seen since then. His fingers grasp at Tris' gloved ones.

Neither of them speaks as the woman comes slowly closer, pausing every now and then as if she's considering making a run for it. When she's finally less than ten feet away, she stops, staring intently at Tobias, her thoughts hidden behind her neutral expression.

Not that he can do anything more than stare back. It has been almost two decades since he last saw her, and it's not easy to reconcile his distant memories with the woman standing before him. His eyes roam her face, taking in her hooked nose, her spare upper lip, and her strong jaw and chin – the same features that greet him in the mirror every day. Not surprisingly, she's aged, and he looks at the lines that weather her face, showing the harshness of her life, before he meets her gaze.

He remembers those eyes. They're the same beautiful deep brown, almost black, that they always were, but in his memories, they're filled with love. They don't seem that way today.

Tris finally breaks the dead silence that's hanging in the air. Stepping forward, she extends the hand that Tobias isn't holding. "Evelyn, I'm Tris. Tobias' girlfriend."

The older woman's eyes turn toward her, inquisitively, as if she didn't even notice Tris' presence until that moment – and can't quite imagine why she's here. After several long seconds, she takes the proffered hand, shaking it briefly before fixing her gaze on her son again.

"Tobias," she acknowledges simply, her voice tight. He swallows, clueless what to say – or even what to call her. "You look just like your father." There's an almost clinical detachment to her tone, but the words dig deeply into Tobias. He's been looking at her and seeing all the traits they have in common, while she sees nothing but Marcus. And that's a comparison he would gladly have lived his life without hearing, especially from the woman who shared that man's abuse.

Instinctively, he backs away a half-step, unable to respond to the unexpected attack. Maybe he should just leave. But before he can do that, Tris steps between them, her body rigid. "Appearances can be deceiving." There's cold anger in her voice. "He's _nothing_ like Marcus."

For the second time, Evelyn turns her attention to Tris, her eyes moving up and down the shorter woman's form. "Like you would know." Her tone is more than a little contemptuous. "Trust me, my dear, you don't know what someone is like until after you've been married for a few years."

It's an even lower blow, and it edges Tobias closer to walking away. Clutching spasmodically at Tris' hand, he tries to pull her with him. Clearly, this was a mistake.

But his girlfriend doesn't budge. Instead, she continues to glare at his mother, speaking firmly. "I have known Tobias for almost _twelve years_. And we've spent eighteen months of that time dating. Trust _me_ – he is nothing like Marcus in any of the ways that matter."

The statement isn't entirely accurate, since she left out the decade they were apart, but right now he barely notices that. Instead, what resonates through him is her certainty. There is no doubt whatsoever in her as she stares down the woman before them, making it crystal clear that Tobias is not the person Evelyn assumes him to be.

Her confidence gives him the strength to finally speak. "Stop it," he states succinctly, cutting off his mother as she opens her mouth to retort. "Just stop." Somewhat surprisingly, they both do, focusing on him again, and he steps closer to his mother as he pulls Tris to his side. "I don't want to talk about _him_. I haven't even seen him in a decade, not since I turned eighteen." Something unreadable flits across Evelyn's face. "And I don't plan to ever see him again." His deep blue eyes meet her brown ones. "I'm here to talk to _you_ , to see if there's any chance for us after twenty years apart."

For a moment, he's certain that Evelyn is about to walk away, her face twisted sourly. But then she swallows it down, the side of her mouth in a hard line. "Fine." She gives a little nod to emphasize the word. "Let's start with the obvious. Why didn't you visit me in prison?"

It's difficult not to gape at that. "I didn't know where you were," Tobias sputters. "All Marcus told me was that you left." His voice grows smaller as he adds, "And that you didn't want to be my mother anymore."

Evelyn _scoffs_ , as if the idea is so absurd Tobias should have known better. And maybe he would have, if he hadn't been a terrified nine-year-old abandoned by his only protector. It takes a moment for Evelyn to grasp that he's serious.

"He didn't tell you at all?" Her eyebrows arch, her tone incredulous. "I assumed that he was holding that over you, to prove how hopeless it was to go against him."

Tobias just shakes his head. In the last month, he's replayed so many comments of his father's, trying to figure out if there were hints that he'd missed, but there was nothing obvious. Marcus kept this secret well – like so many others.

A long sigh drags out of Evelyn, her expression slowly changing to one of defeat. "I should have known," she finally mutters bitterly. "He visited me every month, to remind me that he still held all the power." Her tone is vicious. "That was how he kept me from saying anything about the abuse – he told me that he'd kill you if I did. And he promised that if I was _good_ and kept _quiet_ , that maybe he'd bring you to visit. I should have realized it was just another lie."

Silence falls between them again, both of them rethinking the assumptions they'd made and the opportunities they'd lost. Finally, Tris brings up the elephant in the room. "Why did you do it?"

Evelyn's eyes snap to the younger woman, but without as much antagonism this time. Instead, she suddenly seems weary – with decades' worth of weight pressing her down. "He didn't give me much choice," she answers softly. "His death threats were getting more and more frequent, and I knew he meant them. And he had too many friends among the police for me to report him." Her gaze moves to her son. "I thought about just taking you and running, but I would have been considered a kidnapper, and the risk of being caught was too high." The corner of her mouth tugs into a grimace. "And then he would have killed us both."

Tobias nods, understanding her train of thought, at least to some degree. It's not like he didn't fantasize about killing Marcus, too – his youth was filled with desperate dreams of finding a way to be free, and they all involved Marcus no longer being there. If he'd been in his mother's position, trying to protect both of them, maybe he would have followed through.

"Do you regret it?" he finds himself asking. It's the question that's been haunting him most since he learned what really happened.

"I don't know." There's a frailty to Evelyn's admission. "I regret getting caught, and not being able to see you. To be there for you." She looks down, her brow furrowed. "And if I had succeeded, I suppose maybe I would have felt bad about it for other reasons." A shoulder lifts. "But I'll never really know."

It's not exactly an answer, but Tobias nods anyway. After everything Marcus did, he can't blame Evelyn for that uncertainty. Deciding to let the subject rest, he instead asks, "Did you try to find me after you were released?" Perhaps it's the masochist in him, but he needs to know if they lost the last ten years because he left the city, or if they never would have had them anyway.

Evelyn's gaze drops to the ground, a touch of shame on her face. "I thought you had made your decision, Tobias. So, no, I didn't. I figured you would get in touch if you wanted to."

Despite everything, a trickle of relief flows through Tobias at the answer. At least he doesn't have to live with that particular guilt.

As if to reiterate his exoneration, Tris squeezes his hand. "That wasn't your fault," she says intently, but when he looks down at her, he sees that her gaze is on Evelyn. "It wasn't either of yours. Marcus kept you both in the dark."

Slowly, his mother focuses on Tris again, but this time their interaction is very different. Something wordless passes between them as their eyes meet, woman to woman. "This is a fresh chance," Tris emphasizes. "Don't let it go."

There's a palpable shift in the cold air when Evelyn nods, a trace of a smile touching her mouth. "You're right," she finally admits. And Tobias, standing beside them, feels a hope that hasn't been present for far too long. Perhaps it's not too late for him to have a mother after all.

* * *

They end up migrating back to Tobias' apartment, trying to escape the arctic winds as they begin the slow process of filling in their years apart.

"This is nice," Evelyn comments, letting Tobias take her coat as she looks around his living room. Her gaze lingers for a moment on the one piece of artwork that adorns the long living room wall – Tris' Christmas gift to Tobias – before flitting over the relatively new furniture and sparse decorations. "A bit plain, but nice."

"Yeah, I've been trying to get him to put more up on the walls," Tris comments, smiling at the painting, "but he's a 'plain and simple' kind of guy."

Evelyn's lips lift before dropping again as competing memories emerge. "I'm afraid he gets that from his father." She hesitates, apparently trying to figure out how to be kinder, before adding, "But if you've gotten him to budge at all, then he's more giving than Marcus." It's not much of a concession, but Tobias decides to accept it anyway.

The cats pick that moment to emerge, greeting them with their usual enthusiasm, though DC looks warily at the stranger. Tobias doesn't miss the way his mother's mouth opens in surprise as she stares at them.

Turning to Tris, she speaks in an almost awe-struck voice. "And he's certainly _much_ better than his father if he lets you have pets."

Tobias gives a wry chuckle, understanding his mother's mistake – and proud to be able to correct it. Pets are yet another thing that Marcus refused to allow, but he is definitely not his father. "Actually, they're mine." His lips lift at Evelyn's startled expression. "I got them a few years ago, in Boston." Smiling softly at Tris, he adds, "But I think it's fair to say they consider themselves hers, too, at this point."

His girlfriend returns the smile, crouching down to pet a still-nervous DC. "Yeah, it took a long time to win this guy over." She rubs his neck, clearly enjoying the way he responds eagerly, compared with how he used to run and hide. "He's shy, but now that I practically live here, I guess I've won him over."

There's a slight pause as she seems to realize what she just said. Her eyes fixed on the cat, she bites her lip uncertainly, a slight flush starting to rise up her cheeks. But Tobias feels an enormous grin growing on his own face, thoroughly reveling in the idea that Tris feels like she almost lives with him.

Evelyn, on the other hand, seems surprised by the statement. "So, this is just Tobias' apartment?" She glances questioningly at her son before returning her gaze to Tris. "You don't live here?"

"Um, no." She scratches the back of her neck uncomfortably as she rises to her feet. "I mean, I feel like I do sometimes, but no. Not yet, anyway."

"Soon, though, I hope," Tobias finds himself saying, letting his gaze rest on Tris. She returns it, uncertain at first, but more confident the longer he holds it.

"Soon," she finally agrees, a soft smile playing on her mouth.

As they both turn back to his mother, shifting the conversation to include her again, Tobias can't help but feel that this day is going very well after all.

* * *

Evelyn stays through dinner, a move that surprises all of them, but which proves to be a good thing. There's something nicely ordinary about sitting down and eating together, fending off the cats in the process, that connects them more than a strained conversation in the park ever could.

"I'll see you next week," she murmurs as she prepares to leave, looking a bit teary-eyed at being invited back so soon.

"Definitely," Tris agrees, pulling the older woman into a gentle hug. Evelyn returns it hesitantly before facing her son.

For a second, the two of them stand frozen, uncertain how to proceed, and then they're embracing in a way they've both needed for so many years. It sends a rush of emotions pressing around Tobias' heart.

"I love you," his mother whispers as she holds him fiercely.

His response is instinctive, drawn from deep inside him, but he knows it's true. "I love you, too, Mom."

They hold each other a moment longer, and then she's out the door and he's watching her go, feeling as if she's simultaneously taking and returning a part of him with each step. The effect is strangely healing.

"Are you all right?" Tris asks, her arms slipping around him.

"Better than all right." He closes the door, locking it before wrapping his own arms around her, resting his chin on the top of her head. "I hadn't realized how much I needed this." Her smile presses against his chest. "Thank you, by the way," he adds. "You were amazing with her."

He feels her nod, her hair brushing against his neck. "I'm glad I was here. I think it's easier for her to trust women at this point." That's probably true, and he accepts the statement wordlessly, his mind going through all the topics they discussed today. One in particular stands out.

"So, when are you moving in, Tris?" He asks it baldly, no longer wanting to shy away from the subject.

But Tris seems less willing to discuss it now. "Tobias…." Her tone is soft. "You know I love you, and I meant what I said, but you shouldn't make that offer tonight. It would be like taking advantage of you, with everything that happened today."

A huff of laughter comes out of him. " _Taking advantage?_ " He backs away enough to see her. "In what possible way? I am not drunk, and I'm certainly thinking clearly, and it's not like I haven't thought about this plenty before today." He shakes his head, knowing she means well but genuinely struggling to follow her train of logic. "Tris, I _want_ you here. Today, tomorrow, whenever you're ready – I'm not going to change my mind."

She's silent as she considers that. When the sides of her mouth start twitching, he knows her answer, and suddenly he can't contain his excitement any longer. Moving rapidly into his room, he begins yanking clothes out of his closet, shoving the remainder to the side to clear half of it.

He's in the process of dumping a handful of older items onto the floor, figuring he'll donate them to free up space, when he realizes that Tris is standing in the doorway, having followed him in here. She looks amused by his enthusiasm.

"Which drawers do you want?" he asks without preamble. "Or do you want to bring your bureau here?" He glances around, figuring out where it will fit. "There's room for it there. Or we could rearrange. I'm good either way."

A laugh slips from her, and he meets her gaze as wide grins stretch across both of their faces. "I'll bring my own bureau," she reassures him, stepping closer, her hands tugging at the front of his shirt. He leans down to touch his lips to hers; it's an awkward kiss, since he can't stop smiling. "But Christina will need time to find a new roommate, so I should give her notice. Does the end of next month work for you?"

"Absolutely," he breathes before kissing her again, more deeply this time. "It can't get here soon enough."

__

 

# Original text

 

Contribute a better translation

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm afraid it will probably be more than a week before the next chapter is posted, since I'm still very sick. In the meantime, please let me know what you thought of this chapter. Your reviews always cheer me up when I'm feeling miserable. :-)


	18. Chapter 18: Tris – Moving Pains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the wishes for my health. I STILL have this flu, but it's not quite as bad as it was, so hopefully there's an end in sight. In the meantime, thank you for the reviews, and thanks to my wonderful beta reader, BarbaraK2U!

**Chapter 18: Tris – Moving Pains**

"Toss me the tape," Tris calls across her room to where Christina is currently folding her clothing.

Her roommate gives a playful grin before launching the packing tape at her at full speed. Tris ducks instinctively, letting it smash into the wall behind her.

"Hey, you won't get your damage deposit back if you do that," Christina complains.

Tris just rolls her eyes. "Ha ha." But then she runs her fingers along the wall, double-checking that there's no mark or indentation. Fortunately, there isn't.

"So, what did Will say?" she asks after another moment. Christina has been waffling for the last month about whether or not to ask her boyfriend to move in instead of looking for a new female roommate.

In all the years that Tris has known her best friend, she can count on one hand the number of times she's seen an evasive expression on her face, but this is one of them. "I haven't asked him yet," Christina admits grudgingly, staring at the dress she's currently packing.

Tris sighs. "And you still haven't advertised the room, have you?" She's answered by silence. "Christina, you can't afford this place by yourself, and I really am leaving, you know. You have to do _something_."

"I know. I know." Christina drops onto the bed, the dress in her lap, groaning. "But what if he's not ready? I mean, we've only been dating for six months. What if he thinks it's too soon, and I turn him off by bringing it up?"

Tris nods in understanding, walking over to sit beside her friend. "But if you rent out this room, it'll be at least a year before you get another chance. And I don't think you want to wait that long, do you?"

"No…." She lies back, looking up at Tris. "Why did you and Tobias have to get all cute and work out and everything?" At Tris' chuckle, she adds, "Seriously, that was the one thing I thought I could count on – the two of you would _never_ end up together."

Tris lies down next to Christina, turning her head to look at her friend. "Surprise?" The word draws a slow smile from her roommate. But it doesn't distract her from the subject.

"Do _you_ think Will wants to move in?" Christina whispers, rare vulnerability in her voice.

For a second, the shorter woman bites her lip, not wanting to make Christina's decision for her. But then she nods. "Yeah, I do."

"Maybe you could ask him. Surreptitiously or something."

Tris laughs at that. "Are we reverting to middle school now?" In a high-pitched, singsong voice, she continues, "Janie said that John told her that Adam might kind of like you."

Christina nudges her with her shoulder, smiling. "I asked about Will, not Adam." She turns to look at the ceiling, shaking her head with mock sadness. "You never listen."

The sound of their apartment door opening interrupts them, and Tris pulls herself to her feet, knowing that her boyfriend has returned to take more boxes to the truck. "Do you want me to ask Tobias for his opinion?" she teases her roommate, walking backwards toward the exit and grinning mischievously.

Christina's eyes widen. "You wouldn't dare." And ordinarily, she'd be right about that, since Tris is the more sedate one of the pair. But Christina definitely needs a nudge to take action now.

"Oh, _Tobias_ ," she calls loudly, increasing her escape speed as her friend comes diving at her, squealing in protest, "do you think Will would want to move in here?"

Christina catches her in her doorway, all but tackling her, and the momentum causes the two of them to tumble down the short hallway and into the living room, laughing. They stop abruptly when they realize that Tobias isn't alone.

"Oh, shit…" Tris mutters, her eyes jumping from her own boyfriend to Christina's. Will's expression is unreadable for a long moment, his gaze moving from Tris to Christina, who is making some sort of strange squeaking sound, her eyes the widest Tris has ever seen them.

"Um," he finally answers, his tone not quite as calm as usual, "as a matter of fact, I would love to." His gaze locks with his girlfriend's. "If that's really what you want."

It takes all of two seconds for Christina to untangle herself from Tris and race across the room, leaping onto Will. He receives her happily, actually twirling her around in an image straight out of a romance movie.

For a few more seconds, Tris and Tobias both watch them, before Tobias walks casually around them, taking Tris' arm and leading her into her room. "You realize you're never going to live this down, right?" he asks with a grin.

"Yeah." She shakes her head, bemused. "Who knew the middle school approach would work?"

* * *

The cats definitely don't like the moving process. Perhaps it reminds them of their own trip from Boston to Chicago, or perhaps they're simply bothered by the rush of strangers and the frequent, loud thumping, but either way, Tris ends up sitting with them in the locked bathroom for the half-hour of the greatest activity, trying to calm them down. She has never heard such pitiful mewling.

Largely out of sympathy for the poor felines, their friends take off immediately after bringing in the last boxes, agreeing to go out for dinner another day instead of celebrating with pizza now. As a result, Tris and Tobias end up alone in the apartment, staring at Tris' accumulated belongings while Marvel sniffs warily at every single box. DC, in the meantime, has retreated under the bed, his distressed cries echoing through the wooden frame.

"I'm thinking it's better not to rearrange the furniture," Tris comments as yet another plaintive wail sounds from the tabby.

Tobias nods apologetically. "Maybe in a few weeks," he offers, but Tris isn't worried about it. The current arrangement should work fine, even if her bureau is a little farther from the bathroom than would be ideal. "And maybe we should just unpack the minimum for now to avoid more noise."

"Yeah." Marvel begins meowing in sympathy with his friend, and Tris finds the corners of her mouth tugging upwards at their strangled chorus. She tries to suppress the laughter that's fighting to escape, knowing this really isn't funny, but God, the sounds they're making….

"I should have gotten some sedatives from the vet," Tobias complains over the cacophony. "That's the only thing that kept them quiet when I moved out here."

It's Tris' turn to nod, her amused expression meeting his. "It's all right. I'll try to think of it as a welcoming serenade."

He grins, pulling her to him and moving his mouth down to hers. "Well, _I'm_ happy you're here."

"I am, too," she murmurs, kissing him briefly. Her fingers trail up his chest. "And since the cats are forcing us to take a break from unpacking, I think we should celebrate properly." His grin widens.

With a single glance at the bed, and the meows emanating from beneath it, he abruptly lifts Tris onto his shoulder and carries her to the couch instead, dropping her unceremoniously on it. She giggles.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this day," he breathes as he joins her, his fingers moving up her front and unbuttoning her shirt. "The day I get to make love to you in _our_ apartment."

"My, my, aren't _you_ presumptuous," she teases him, her own hands working their way under his shirt and enjoying the feel of his muscles under his smooth skin. He may be sweaty and grimy from all the moving, but he's still the sexiest man she's ever known. "Maybe I just wanted to have dinner to celebrate."

"Mmm, really." He has her top off now, as well as her sports bra, and his tongue is tracing her right nipple. "Well, I could eat, I suppose." Reaching down, he undoes the button on her pants. "Depending on what's on the menu."

She raises her hips so he can slide her jeans down, taking her shoes and socks with them. Before she can return the favor, he pushes her back down on the couch, his head moving between her legs. "Personally, though," he adds as he finds her most sensitive area, "I'm starting with dessert."

* * *

"What do you think about when we're having sex?" Tris asks curiously as they lie together afterwards, their naked bodies squeezed together on the couch.

"You." He says it like it's a no-brainer, drawing a smile from her.

"No, I mean more specifically. When you get that _look_ in your eye, and that mischievous little grin, what exactly are you imagining?" She can tell from his expression that he knows precisely what she's referring to – but he hesitates to answer. Rolling her eyes, she adds, "You can tell me if you're thinking about wanting to…go for my other hole or something."

He laughs at that. "Okay, in fairness, I'm a guy, so I certainly wouldn't turn that down, but no, that's not it." At her questioning eyebrow, he sighs. "It will make me sound like a romantic wuss or something."

"I hate to break it to you, but women actually like the whole romance thing."

His gaze meets hers for a second before he seems to remember his promise to always be honest. "Okay," he mutters, clearly still uncomfortable. "I, um, picture you pretty much as you are, with one little difference." Pausing, he reaches out, twining his right hand with her left one. Bringing it to his mouth, he kisses her knuckles, looking away as he tries to buy time. Finally, he flushes slightly and blurts out, "You're wearing my wedding ring."

She stares at him, at a loss on how to respond for a long moment. "That is so much better than anal sex," she eventually manages to say. He gives a dry chuckle, and her lips curve upwards as she adds, "But I'm kind of curious just how that habit started."

"I don't entirely know," he admits, lying back and pulling her to his chest again. "I suppose it was a way of trying to take control of my future." His fingers run idly down her left arm. "I haven't exactly had a lot of permanent people in my life. For a very long time, the only one who seemed to fill that role was my father." His voice grows tight. "During my entire childhood, I felt like I would never get out from under him, and even after I left, I still had nightmares about him showing up and finding a way to get to me again. So, I naturally equated the concept of 'forever' with him. And with all of the bad feelings that go with him."

He's silent for a few seconds before adding, "At some point, I guess I started to rebel against that, and I began dreaming about other things that could be permanent. Things that could make me happy instead. And those images ended up in my fantasies."

Tris runs her fingertips over the tattoo that covers Tobias' heart, knowing that indelible ink is probably part of the process he's describing. "How long have you been picturing that, Tobias?"

His shoulder lifts. "It's hard to say. I didn't fully realize I was doing it until I started keeping a dream diary for therapy. And then when I thought back, I couldn't remember ever _not_ imagining that detail. So, a long time, apparently."

She nods, processing the idea, when a related thought occurs to her. "You didn't use that image when you were with other women, did you?"

"I didn't picture anyone else with a ring, no." It takes him a second to realize that wasn't her question. " _Oh._ " Red creeps up his face. "You mean did I picture _you_ while I was…." There's an awkward pause before he adds, "Would it make you feel better or worse if I say yes?"

"Tobias….." But then she shakes her head, realizing this isn't a direction she wants the conversation to go. Besides, she certainly can't claim innocence after all the times she visualized him. "You know what – never mind," she decides. "I'm not any better."

Judging by the way his chest rumbles, he doesn't mind her admission. "So, you still think it's a better fantasy than anal sex?" He gives a sly grin. "Because I'm pretty sure I could switch to that if you prefer."

She laughs, swatting him on the chest. "Yeah, better than that." For a moment longer, they're both quiet as she grows more serious. "We are moving in that direction, you know." She clears her throat. "Not the anal thing, but the ring part. I wouldn't have moved in otherwise."

His arms tighten around her hips. "Good." His voice is deep. "Because it's not just an old fantasy at this point. I've thought about it a lot since we got back together, and I know it's what I want."

Tris makes a point of meeting his eyes, refusing to let herself deflect. "I do, too, but there's this stubborn part inside of me that says we should wait. At least until we've been back together as long as we were last time." She brushes her fingers over his tattoo again, searching for words. "And I've learned to listen to that part, because it's often right." Her lips pull upwards a little. "It convinced me to give you another try."

Tobias' deep blue eyes hold hers as he nods. "I'm not in a hurry, Tris." His fingers drift slowly up her back before he registers the full impact of what she said. "Wait a minute — does that mean you'll say yes if I ask you in November?"

"Um…." She bites her lip, suddenly nervous. "Obviously, I can't fully answer that yet." But he's grinning widely now, clearly drawing his own conclusions as he pulls her closer to him, rotating his torso so she's underneath him. And his excitement wins her over. "But I'd say there's a strong likelihood of it."

His gaze doesn't leave hers as he fumbles for another condom, his fervor evident in every part of his body. "That more than works for me, Tris," he murmurs as she wraps her legs around him, inviting him in.

This time, while he's moving in and out of her, raising her to highs that she can't even imagine experiencing with anyone else, she finds herself picturing his left hand. And she rather likes the thought of a wedding ring on it, too.

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next two chapters involve the final twist/downturn before the end of this story, so they're going to take a little while to write. I might wait and post them together - I haven't decided yet. In the meantime, please let me know what you thought of this chapter. Reviews always brighten my day! :-)


	19. Chapter 19: Tobias – Commitments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the support you've continued to give this story! I really appreciate the follows, favorites, and especially the reviews. Thank you also to my wonderful beta reader, BarbaraK2U!
> 
> This chapter takes a downturn. Some of you might want to wait and read it along with the next one, which will hopefully be posted in a few days. But if you're brave and willing to trust me, read on...

**Chapter 19: Tobias – Commitments**

Sometimes, Tobias can't believe he's been back in Chicago for a year. In some ways, it feels like forever – as if he never left – but in others, it's like the blink of an eye.

The time is measured most clearly at work, where his team has now finished the year-long project they were originally transferred to undertake. Eric has been close-mouthed about what's coming next, saying that he wants to announce it at the celebratory dinner the company is holding tonight. But judging by hints that have trickled down to Amar, most team members will be able to choose between two major new projects, both of which are supposed to be good. It's nice to have options.

They're allowed to bring their significant others to the dinner, and Tobias goes a little overboard in dressing up and bringing an equally adorned Tris with him to the banquet hall. After the stunt Nita pulled at the last company party, he wants to make sure that his girlfriend feels like the envy of tonight's event.

And it seems to be working, given the way everyone's eyes follow them around the room – and by the cold look Nita casts at her would-be rival. _As if that was ever a contest._

"Tris, I'm glad you were able to make it," Amar says with genuine pleasure, reaching out to kiss her hand. Beside him, George smiles at his karate pupil.

"Well, I hear they're giving out awards, and I couldn't miss seeing if Tobias gets one." She grins at the way her boyfriend flushes slightly, embarrassed at the prospect. He's never been one for public attention, though he knows he'll get his share today anyway. After all, he was a key member of the team.

"Ah, yes." Amar gives a small smile. "I've heard that, too, but I'm afraid I have no spoilers for you."

His husband chuckles. "I imagine Amar will get a beautiful plaque," he tells Tris conspiratorially, "that they'll hang on the wall with all the others." Putting a hand on her shoulder, he adds, "Where it will sit in place of a meaningful raise."

Tobias laughs at that. It's become a common joke that the company holds these award ceremonies instead of giving out bonuses or raises, since it's less expensive in the long run. But personally he doubts it – he's gotten a generous pay increase every year he's been with the company, so they don't seem to be _that_ cheap.

"The real question is, will Eric get anything?" Tobias muses. As the assistant manager of the Dauntless division, Eric was technically in charge of their project, even if he did very little of the day-to-day work.

"Oh, I imagine so." Amar looks mildly disgusted. "If history is any judge, _he_ 'll get credit for everything _we_ did right."

Tobias turns his gaze briefly to Eric, watching as Nita leans a little too close to him, running her hand along his arm while they talk. A flicker of a smile touches his mouth. He hadn't heard anything about the two of them pairing up, but he's glad to see it. They certainly deserve each other.

Drawing away from Nita, Eric begins moving toward the stage to join his boss, Max, and Tobias knows the ceremony is about to start. "We should sit," he tells the others, and they make their way to a table, joining Will and Christina. The July heat is permeating the building, even through the air conditioning, so he takes his jacket off, draping it over the back of his chair before sitting next to Tris. She links her fingers with his.

The room quiets when Max taps the microphone, sending a squeal of feedback through the space. "Welcome, everyone," he announces, "I'm glad so many of you were able to make it." Looking around the room, he continues, "Today, we celebrate the Dauntless division, and the outstanding work that all of you have done on behalf of Samson Technologies. I know that the last year has been a real challenge, and those of you who came from our other locations probably wondered if it was worth the trip."

The audience chuckles appreciatively. "Well, I'm here to say that it was definitely worth it!" He grins widely. "Thanks to your efforts, our _largest project ever_ has been a resounding success." A collective cheer rises, and Max claps his hands along with the crowd. "Tonight, we want to take a moment to celebrate those efforts – and to talk about what's next for all of you."

Tobias perks up at that, but it doesn't take long to realize that they're holding off on the _future_ discussion until the end of the night, probably to make sure no one leaves after receiving their own plaque. So, he sits back in his seat, letting his fingers play with Tris' hand as he half-listens. Max drones on for considerably too long, and eventually Eric follows him with his own speech, before they finally begin announcing the individual awards.

No one is surprised when the first plaque goes to Amar. As the project manager, he handled the vast majority of the difficult issues that arose, and he worked some serious hours keeping everyone on track. Tobias and Will both clap loudly for him, Will adding a wolf whistle that draws some laughter.

Leaning forward, George whispers to Christina. "Tell your boyfriend to stop hitting on my husband." Christina just chuckles back.

Tobias pays a little more attention to Amar's speech, particularly when he begins thanking his team members. But Eric doesn't let him continue for long, taking back the microphone with a forced smile, though he does keep Amar beside him as he continues with the next award.

"Really, everyone here deserves some type of mention," he comments, "but there are a few in particular who went above and beyond to support this project. We would like to recognize them today."

He continues with the project management staff, giving Nita the next-most-important acknowledgement and keeping her on stage, too, before moving on to the marketing department, the business analysts, the trainers, and the testers. By the time he reaches the developers, the room is getting restless, and the stage is getting full, since he's keeping certain people up there with him. Presumably, they're there for whatever is being announced about the future.

"I would be remiss if I didn't include our lead developer, Four Eaton," Eric finally calls. Tobias rises dutifully as his table-mates cheer, particularly Tris. He takes a second to kiss her on the lips, making it crystal clear to the entire room that she's there with him, and then he heads up to the stage. Briefly, his eyes touch Nita's as he steps up near her, and he's disconcerted by the satisfied expression on her face – it's the look of someone who _knows_ something she doesn't expect him to like, and it worries him.

But he tries to ignore the gut feeling as he crosses to Eric and the others in front of the podium. "Four," his greasy-haired boss begins, "you have been with the Dauntless division for almost eleven years now, through multiple projects in Boston and Chicago. And I have been told that you excelled as Centria's lead developer. Thank you for your efforts on behalf of our company." Eric's expression is a lot like Nita's as he extends a medium-sized plaque to Tobias.

It's a standard award, like others that Tobias has received from the company, and he barely glances at the dark wood and the shiny silver plate that displays his name and position. Holding it in his left hand, he shakes Eric's hand with his right, and then Max's and Amar's.

He's on his way back to his seat when Eric catches his shoulder, indicating that he should remain on stage with the others. It's an unexpected request, since he's not quite at the same level as most of them, but he doesn't say anything. Perhaps it means they're planning to promote him.

He silently debates if that would be a good thing or not while he watches his most direct coworkers receive their own recognition. After all, he likes his current position a lot better than the ones he's seen above it. He would not, for instance, want Amar's job.

A smile tugs at his mouth when Will blows a kiss and calls, "Love ya, Christina," making the room laugh. His is the last plaque to be handed out, and as the younger man leaves the stage, Eric steps away from the podium, turning the ceremony back over to Max.

"Again, thank you to all of you!" Max proclaims, clapping his own hands as the assembly applauds. "And now, what you're all anxious to hear – the future of the Dauntless division." He raises his hands to quiet the murmurs from the audience. "I know you've heard a lot of rumors, but in this case, I actually have good news to replace them with." He grins. "We have two excellent projects available, and we'll be allocating staff between those, with the goal of giving everyone their first choice as much as possible."

Another cheer goes through the room at that, and Tobias smiles a little, too. Hopefully, this will give him the chance to be on a team with the coworkers he prefers – and to escape from some of the others.

Max acknowledges the enthusiasm before continuing. "So, tell me, everyone, how do you feel about returning to Boston?" The collective response is huge, filled with whoops and whistles and stomping feet. Clearly, a large number of people want to go back there, but Tobias frowns, his eyes meeting Tris' across the room. He will absolutely _not_ be leaving again, and he doesn't like the thought of some of his closest friends going, either.

"Well," Max adds, beaming at the audience, "then I'm glad to tell you that one of our new projects is based out of that beautiful city. But I'll let our newest project manager tell you more about that." He gestures toward Nita, and abruptly Tobias understands her smug expression from earlier. But her promotion is fine with him, since it means she'll be moving away.

A smattering of polite applause sounds as Nita steps forward to describe the project, complete with a Powerpoint presentation that introduces the companies involved. Tobias doesn't pay a lot of attention, since this one doesn't apply to him, but he does find himself looking out at the accumulated faces, wondering who will be leaving. There are a lot of people he would miss.

By the time Nita is ten minutes into her presentation, Tobias is staring at George, painfully aware that he and Amar might choose to return to the city they lived in for so long. And he doesn't know how he would handle that. The two of them have been the most consistent influence on his adult life – teaching him karate and giving him advice and generally acting as his family when it became clear that he had none he wished to recognize. He doesn't want to lose them.

He barely notices when Eric retakes the podium to introduce the second project. "Yes, thank you, Nita," his boss announces, smirking at her. "I'm sure many of our talented staff are looking forward to that opportunity." Looking around the audience, he adds, "But for those who prefer to stay in Chicago, we have a great choice here, too – one that came about because of the excellent reputation this team has established in the Windy City."

Eric turns, his gaze meeting Tobias' directly for a second, with a chilling level of malice. "In fact, we owe this opportunity to our very own Four Eaton." Cold starts sinking through Tobias' stomach. "Or perhaps we need to start calling him Tobias now, since that's the name our new client uses for him." With a grand gesture to the side of the stage, he adds, "It is my pleasure to introduce our newest client, Abnegation Industries, and their representatives, Andrew Prior and Marcus Eaton."

Tobias' feet are rooted in place as his gaze follows Eric's hand automatically. And it's as if the entire world vanishes except for one person.

Marcus looks older than he did the last time Tobias saw him, gray leaching into his temples, but he walks with the same self-assured, upright stance. It's the pose of someone who's in charge – who has no question whatsoever that he will be obeyed. And his eyes bore into his son's the same way they always did, stating their control and superiority and making it clear that Tobias is nothing but a small child in need of constant discipline.

"Son," he calls, giving his saccharine public smile as he steps closer to Tobias, extending his arms for an embrace.

Tobias' entire body seems to be locked in sheer panic, his heart hammering so loudly in his chest that he's sure the whole room can hear it. But his mind is racing, thousands of memories colliding into flash after flash of brutality and pain and loss.

How can _he_ be here?

"Mr. Eaton," Amar states sharply, stepping quickly between them and extending a hand to Marcus. It's hard to tell if the gesture is a greeting or a threat. "I'm Amar, Four's project manager."

For several seconds, the two men face off – Tobias' birth father and the man who has acted much more like one – before they shake hands, both maintaining a professional front for the room full of watching people. Somehow, the sight gives Tobias the strength to resume breathing.

And then Marcus speaks. "I was under the impression that _Tobias_ would be our project manager." He looks evenly at Eric. "That's what the contract says, right?"

The words are their own sort of blow, and Tobias doesn't need Eric's nod of confirmation to grasp exactly what is happening here. He stumbles back a step, the lock on his muscles finally gone, his mind reeling with comprehension. _That's_ why Nita looked the way she did, and why Eric had that glint in his eyes. They've been planning this with Marcus – planning to force him to work closely with his father in some twisted attempt to punish him for everything they've ever hated about him.

And he can't even quit. If he did, and it caused them to lose the contract, he'd be blackballed in the industry. He'd never get another decent job, even if he could somehow avoid all the non-compete agreements that he signed when he was hired.

His breathing is too rapid now, panic pressing in on him as that old, familiar feeling of helplessness returns. It's like cement in his veins – the certainty that he will _never_ escape from his father. That his entire life will be ruled by the monster who abused him, no matter how he tries to get away.

"No," he stutters, taking another step backwards. " _No_." His gaze locks onto the man who haunts his nightmares, and suddenly all he can focus on is the one time he broke free, even temporarily. "I am _not_ working with you. I'm going to Boston."

With that, he turns, stumbling around the back stage until he finds an exit – and then through the tangle of hallways until his feet are pounding the pavement outside, walking blindly down street after street as images of Marcus beat into his mind.

He has no idea how long he walks, or how many times he empties the contents of his stomach onto the unforgiving sidewalk. All he can see is his mother scratching at the floor as their torturer brings his belt down again and again, and the darkness of a closet, and the sight of his own blood running down his limbs while fierce agony wracks every inch of his body.

By the time he begins regaining his senses, he's hopelessly lost, and it doesn't help when he realizes that he's left his jacket behind – with his phone and wallet. They're sitting at the table with Tris….

Tobias comes to an abrupt halt, sagging against the nearest building as the reality of what he just did hits him. He told his entire division, including all of his managers, that he was moving to Boston. He announced his choice in a clear and irreversible manner.

_And Tris heard the whole thing._

 

# Original text

 

Contribute a better translation

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know - I just had to bring Marcus in. You're going to have to trust me on this one...


	20. Chapter 20: Tris – Confrontation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please make sure you've read the last chapter before you read this one. The email notifications weren't working when I posted it, so you might have missed it, and you definitely need to read it before this one for it to make sense.
> 
> That said, thank you to everyone who trusted me enough to take a chance on the last chapter, particularly those of you who took the time to review it. I always appreciate your support. Thank you also to my wonderful beta reader, BarbaraK2U!

**Chapter 20: Tris – Confrontation**

"So, tell me, everyone, how do you feel about returning to Boston?" Max's voice booms through the room, met instantly by an enormous cheer from the audience. The level of enthusiasm startles Tris, as people whoop and whistle and stomp their feet with exuberance. She hadn't realized that so many of them wanted to return to that city.

Instinctively, her gaze seeks out Tobias, wondering for the first time if he misses Boston, too. But he's already looking at her, frowning to indicate his dislike of the project – or perhaps of the fact that Nita is apparently going to be leading it.

She watches him as Nita's presentation drags on, seeing the way his eyes move from person to person around the room, and she knows he's wondering who will leave and who will stay. It must be disconcerting to think about losing touch with so many friends.

Briefly, she glances at Christina. Surely, Will won't leave her at this point? They've been very happy together, and she knows that Christina is thinking about marriage and babies and the whole shebang. Particularly whenever they babysit for Shauna and Zeke. Tris is pretty sure that Will is on the same page…. But she doesn't know most of the others in the room well enough to judge.

It's not until Tobias' gaze lingers on George that it occurs to her that he and Amar might go, too. She knows that it was a challenge for them to come here, with the effort of moving George's karate academy and establishing new friendships, but she doesn't really know what they left behind. Do they have family and close friends they miss in Boston? Will they welcome this chance to return? And what would it do to Tobias to lose them?

She's thoroughly uncomfortable by the time Eric retakes the podium. "Yes, thank you, Nita," he proclaims, giving her a look that's close to a leer. "I'm sure many of our talented staff are looking forward to that opportunity." He faces the audience. "But for those who prefer to stay in Chicago, we have a great choice here, too – one that came about because of the excellent reputation this team has established in the Windy City."

Tris feels her hopes rise as Eric turns toward Tobias, wondering if he's about to be given a key role in the project here. "In fact," Eric adds, "we owe this opportunity to our very own Four Eaton. Or perhaps we need to start calling him Tobias now, since that's the name our new client uses for him." Confusion seeps in as Eric gestures grandly to the side of the stage. "It is my pleasure to introduce our newest client, Abnegation Industries, and their representatives, Andrew Prior and Marcus Eaton."

"No way," Christina mutters beside her, her hand clutching at Tris' arm. But Tris barely notices, feeling numb as she watches her father and Marcus step onto the stage. She certainly didn't expect to see them today.

Clearly, Tobias didn't, either. He seems to have gone rigid, and she can almost feel the pain and fear emanating from him as he stares at his father. It raises the same emotions in her, but despite that, she finds her own gaze burning a hole into Andrew instead. She decided long ago that Marcus was capable of anything, but she trusted her own father much more than this. _How could he have betrayed them so badly?_

Yet the longer she glares at him, the more she doubts his role. There's shock on his face as he watches Marcus approach Tobias – as if he had no idea that the younger man was involved in this project, or even that he worked for this company. Is it possible that Marcus did this entirely on his own?

Either way, her murderous hatred turns squarely upon Marcus when he calls out, "Son," opening his arms wide and approaching Tobias for a hug. All she can do is stare, appalled at the sheer nerve it takes to force his presence onto his son after everything he's done.

Tobias is just as rigid, his expression masking the panic that she knows he must be feeling. How could he possibly not? No matter how strong he is now, she knows there's a unique horror associated with facing someone who abused you for so long.

She doesn't register that she's on her feet until she's shaking off Christina's grasp, suddenly feeling a desperate urge to get to the stage. She can't just sit by and let this happen.

To her enormous relief, Amar seems to feel the same desire. "Mr. Eaton," he snaps, stepping firmly between them and extending a hand in what could either be a karate block or the start of a handshake. "I'm Amar, Four's project manager."

Marcus stops, clearly surprised by the disruption of his plans, and Tris feels a brief flash of triumph. Tobias may never have explicitly told them about his father's abuse, but judging by hints she's received from both Amar and George, they both know perfectly well what happened. And neither is the type to tolerate it.

Perhaps Marcus figures that out, because he forces a smile as he shakes Amar's hand, keeping the rest of the room from sensing that anything odd is occurring. But then he speaks, turning to Eric and stating, "I was under the impression that _Tobias_ would be our project manager. That's what the contract says, right?"

The question is like a blow to the stomach, and Tris' attention snaps over to Eric, revulsion filling her when she sees him nod. _Marcus negotiated a contract that would force his son to be around him?_ And Tobias' company agreed without even asking him? It's so far beyond sick she has no idea how to grasp it.

Tobias seems to, though. He backs away, his expression showing an unimaginable depth of despair as he stares at his father. "No," he chokes out. " _No_. I am _not_ working with you. I'm going to Boston."

The declaration rouses an all-too-familiar nightmare – the idea of him leaving again – but to her surprise, it takes no time at all to brush that worry aside. Tobias is clearly acting out of panic, and it doesn't matter what he says under that kind of duress. Her focus needs to be on reaching him and being there for him, and she keeps her mind on just that as she moves forward.

Unfortunately, it's impossible to run in the ridiculous heels that Christina convinced her to wear, and in the long, formal dress that keeps tangling around her legs. Before she even reaches the stage, Tobias stumbles off it, disappearing into the backstage area. Behind him, Amar physically blocks Marcus from following, skillfully directing him toward Andrew instead. Her father meets them, his expression the coldest Tris has ever seen it.

She steers clear of them as she slips onto the very end of the stage and behind the curtain, her gaze meeting Amar's fleetingly as she heads after Tobias. And then she's pushing her way through the dark backstage area, calling his name. But there's no answer, or any other sign of him. Eventually, she finds her way to an open door and emerges through it into a hallway. A sinking feeling fills her gut as she looks both ways, seeing no one. He's gone, and she can't even tell which way he went.

For a long moment, she stands there, sagging against the doorframe, trying to think. It seems to take forever to settle on the idea of calling him. He probably won't answer under the circumstances, but it's still her only option. So, she turns back, retracing her steps toward the table where her purse is, with her own phone inside it.

She's partway through the backstage area when she hears deep voices arguing.

"You had no authority," Andrew insists vehemently. "I can't sit back and ignore this."

"Oh, don't give me that," Marcus snarls in return. "Alice was _delighted_ with the contract, and she's not going to toss it aside just because you object."

Tris' feet take her closer through the darkness.

"This isn't about _me_ ," Andrew snaps back. "It's about _your son_. You can't force Tobias to be around you. It's not right."

She's only a few feet away, hidden by the shadows, rage boiling hotter than ever through her veins. Dimly, she's aware of Eric's voice booming from the other side of the curtain, trying to recover the situation and calm the heated murmurs of the audience. Perhaps that's why neither her father nor Marcus has noticed her yet – and why they haven't noticed George coming up from the other side. He stands between them and the stage, his expression stony as he glares at Marcus.

"Tobias doesn't know what's good for him," Marcus growls, shaking his head furiously. "He never has. That's why he needs me around – to guide him. For his own sake."

A moment ago, Tris would have said she couldn't possibly get angrier than she already was. But those words release a wrath beyond anything she has ever felt before. How many times has she heard Tobias gasp that phrase in his nightmares, the same one he told her Marcus used to say at the start of every beating? _This is for your own good._

She steps forward, all rational thought gone as she hyper-focuses on the monster before her. "Beatrice," Marcus begins, startled by her sudden presence, but he doesn't get any further before her fist is connecting with his nose, crushing it in a perfect karate punch. A savage satisfaction rips through her at the feel of the cartilage shattering, a loud crunching sound echoing through the backstage area. That nose will _never_ be the same again.

Marcus flails backwards, crying out sharply in pain and then crashing thunderously to the floor. In the main room, Eric's voice falters to a stop.

"You fucking asshole," Tris snarls, her high-heeled shoe catching on her elegant dress as she attempts to kick him. "You had no right to do any of this. To do _anything_ you've done." Hiking up her dress, she drives her foot violently into his stomach, the heel hitting as much as the toes. "Stay out of his life!"

"Beatrice," her father breathes weakly, holding out a hand as if he thinks he should stop her – but isn't entirely sure he wants to. Beside him, George looks distinctly proud of his student.

"I just want to see him," Marcus moans, trying to simultaneously protect his nose and his stomach from further damage.

"You lost that right long ago," Tris snaps, kicking him in the groin this time with a ferocity that leaves him utterly incapable of speech. "You're not his father anymore, and it's time you fucking realized that."

"Beatrice." This time, Andrew does step forward, taking her arms in his, his expression pleading. "I know you're angry, but this won't solve anything."

Her fury turns solidly on him. "It's better than doing _nothing_. Better than just continuing to work next to him and letting him get away with it all!" She yanks her arms back. "How could you let this happen?"

Desperation fills his face. "I didn't know, Beatrice. I swear I didn't."

"You knew enough!" Her eyes slice into him. "You knew what he was capable of, and yet you continued to trust him. You can't claim you're innocent here." There's pure venom in her voice. "But since you insist on having everything spelled out for you, let me make something crystal clear. If Tobias goes to Boston, _I'm_ going with him. And _you_ can explain it to Mom. If you don't want that, then I suggest you find a way to fix this. _Now_."

Hiking her dress up again, she sweeps away from the three men, not caring in the slightest that she emerges from behind the curtains in front of a room filled with staring people. Instead, she simply glares at Eric as she crosses the stage, marching down the stairs and back toward her table.

She mutters a terse, "Later" to a bug-eyed Christina before grabbing her purse – and Tobias' coat – and heading out the door. She has had _more_ than enough.

* * *

It doesn't take her long to figure out that Tobias' phone is in his coat, as well as his wallet, so she has no way to reach him, and he has limited options for getting back to their apartment. She debates a little longer, wondering if he might return here or if he'll go directly home, before she decides the latter is more likely. It's a long walk, but he probably wants that right now, whereas he undoubtedly wants nothing more to do with this place.

So, she takes a taxi home and changes out of her fancy clothes. And then she paces restlessly, trying to calm her racing mind and figure out some realistic options. Her first thought is that Tobias could quit. There are plenty of jobs for software developers of his quality, including at her own employer. Except that his non-compete agreement would block some of the best choices, and fighting it would be a nightmare. A friend of hers tried that once, and it took a solid year before he finally gave up.

Next, she tries to honestly evaluate Tobias' options if he stays with Samson. There might be a way to force Marcus off the project – or at least to eliminate all interactions between him and Tobias. The HR department must have a process for handling conflicts from outside the workplace. But that would involve revealing the abuse to a whole group of strangers, and she knows he won't want to do that.

Maybe the best choice is what she told her father. She's never had any desire to leave Chicago, particularly not to move halfway across the country, but it would certainly solve the problem. And it would probably be easy for her to find a job in Boston, given the number of opportunities there. Plus, it would be kind of neat to see the ocean and all of the historical sites.

She wonders if she could talk Christina and Will into joining them. If they came, and possibly Amar and George, half of their friendship group would be there.

But not the other half. Not Zeke and Shauna and their newborn baby, Leo. And not her family, at a time when Caleb is getting married and may start having children. And not Evelyn, just when she and Tobias are really rebuilding their relationship. And not Christina's family. Or Lynn or Marlene or Uriah. It would be extremely difficult to leave so many loved ones behind.

A frustrated sigh blows out of her as she finally accepts that there is no good solution – only less-awful possibilities. And that means she has to prioritize what's most important to her.

That was the process Tobias went through ten and a half years ago, and she can now begin to understand how hard it was for him. But at the same time, she knows that the choice he made last time will _not_ happen again. She has no doubt that they _both_ want to be together – more than they want anything else – which makes it the absolute top priority.

So, the choices are between their jobs, the people they love, and where they want to live.

It abruptly occurs to her that even if they do move, it doesn't have to be forever. There's a good chance they could move back in a year or two for another project. She finds a sort of excitement rising at the idea. She could handle that long away from here; it might even be fun. A new opportunity.

Resuming her pacing, she lets that thought build. Yes, she can absolutely do that, and if her father doesn't come back with a true solution, that's exactly what they'll do.

She's not even upset anymore by the time she hears Tobias' key in the lock. But it only takes one look at his face for the emotions from a few hours ago to come rushing back. He looks exhausted and traumatized, and she's on her feet in an instant, wrapping her arms around his waist.

He's quick to return the gesture, pulling her tightly to him and dropping his face into her hair. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm sorry, Tris. All I could think about was Marcus, and that he found a way to get to me. That he'll always find a way. And I just panicked. I didn't mean what I said."

"I know," she reassures him, shifting so his forehead is pressed to hers. She threads her fingers through his thick hair, holding him close. "It's okay. I don't blame you."

"I wouldn't leave you. You know that, right?" He cups her cheeks in his hands, obviously desperate for her to believe that. "I would _never_ leave you again."

"I _do_ know that." Her voice is strong, and she stares unwaveringly into his deep blue eyes, making sure he sees her confidence. "Tobias, I wasn't worried about that." Her lips lift in a sad smile. "I was too busy being furious with our fathers."

He nods a little, jerkily, at the reminder that both of them have parents involved in this. "I don't know what to do."

Leaning up, she kisses him gently, calmingly. "If you want to move, we'll go together. I'm okay with that idea." He pulls back slightly, his brows furrowing in either surprise or dislike of the idea. "But give it a few days first. My father might come through with a better option." She hesitates before adding, "I, uh, gave him some incentive to do that."

For a long moment, Tobias simply stares at her, his expression slowly losing the despair and misery and shaping into something harder to read. "Tris, what did you do?"

She clears her throat, not sure how to describe her actions, before deciding to just dig in. "Well, I might have, um, broken Marcus' nose." She makes a squashing gesture with her hands. "More like flattened it, really." She nods to herself. "Oh, and probably rendered him incapable of reproducing again." Her foot moves, miming a kick, as Tobias' eyes widen. "And threatened to move to Boston with you unless my father fixes this mess…." She lifts a shoulder, the corners of her mouth tugging upwards. "Or, you know, something like that."

A strangled laugh comes out of Tobias. "You didn't really, did you?" His gaze moves up and down her five foot nothing body as his hands rub her arms, making sure she's okay. For a second, she expects him to say that she shouldn't have placed herself in danger, and that Marcus will find a way to get back at her, but he doesn't. Part of her knows that it's because Marcus wouldn't live long enough to carry out any threats – Tobias would absolutely kill him if he even _thought_ Tris was in danger.

"I did," she answers levelly. "Despite my evening gown and heels." Her chin tilts up proudly, and she can't help the grin that stretches across her face. One is emerging on Tobias', too, through his incredulity.

"I shouldn't have left," he mutters, shaking his head. "I'd have paid good money to see that."

She laughs, abruptly remembering how many eyes were on her when she left the backstage area. "Don't worry. The rest of your company will tell you all about it. Besides, I'm probably on YouTube by now. Bloody knuckles and hiked-up dress and all."

Smiling in disbelief, he pulls her close again. "Thank you, Tris." He kisses the top of her head. "I can't believe you did that. For me."

The words send a fresh pang of sadness through her, a reminder that no one was there to protect him when he needed it most. What she did today was a drop in the bucket of his life, but at least it was that. "Yeah, well, no one messes with my man," she whispers, trying to keep things light but at the same time knowing that it's true. She would do anything for him.

They're silent for a little while after that, wrapped in each other's arms. He rocks her back and forth slowly, his embrace tight.

"We're not moving," he announces eventually. "And not even just because of you. This is our home, and I am not letting _him_ take it away again. It's just not happening."

She opens her mouth to respond, all of her thoughts from earlier replaying in her mind – but ultimately she shuts it without arguing. Tobias' tone is too determined, and she knows he's not going to change his mind. Besides, it doesn't seem important anymore where they live. As long as they're together, they'll find a way to make everything else work.

"I want to get married," she tells him instead. She's not entirely sure when she realized she wanted that, but every bit of her does. Even the nagging little voice in the back of her head thoroughly agrees. "Whether we stay here or move – either way. I'm ready."

It takes a second for her words to register, and then he's pushing back to see her, his mouth slightly ajar. Slowly, his hands come up to cup her face, and he stares, his breath catching. "Are you serious?"

She just nods, the corners of her mouth lifting. And slowly, he does, too. Taking her hands in his, he walks backwards, pulling her toward their bedroom, holding her gaze intently.

He stops in front of his bureau, fumbling through his sock drawer with one hand, his eyes still focused on hers. Finally, he pulls out a small, black felt box. And Tris feels her heart beating faster as she realizes what it is. She told him before that she wanted to wait until November, and yet he bought this at least four months early. He was that sure of them.

Warmth floods through her insides at the thought, and at the way he's smiling as he watches her. "You did mean to me, right?" he asks, his tone teasing and loving and everything she has ever wanted all at once.

She laughs, her free hand wrapping around the back of his neck and pulling him closer. "Yes, Tobias. I absolutely, definitely meant that I want to marry _you_."

He's grinning so widely now she doesn't think he'll ever stop, as he manages to flip the box open with one hand, his other still firmly locked on hers.

"If you don't like the style or anything," he says, "we can exchange it. You can pick out whatever you want."

But the moment her eyes light on the contents of the box, she knows she won't be doing that. She has seen many rings in her life that she wouldn't want – large and bulky and just not _her_. But this one is an utterly gorgeous blend of simplicity and elegance, the gold band and diamond exactly the right size and shape for her small hand.

"It's perfect, Tobias. Absolutely perfect."

She's still admiring it when he carefully removes it from the box, letting the container fall to the floor. Lifting her left hand, he slides the ring slowly into place. For another few seconds, they both stare at it there, before she looks up again, smiling at the rapt expression on his face. He looks like he's seeing his dreams come true, and she supposes he is, given what he told her before about his fantasies.

"You know I love you a pretty unbelievable amount, right?" he finally manages to utter.

Her smile widens even more as she studies the face of her future husband. She has never felt happier in her life. "It's very believable, Tobias." Their eyes lock, deep blue meeting gray. "Because it's the same amount I love you."

__

 

# Original text

 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, I told you that you could trust me. :-)


	21. Chapter 21: Tobias – Resolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who took the time to review the last chapter, and to my wonderful beta reader, BarbaraK2U! I should have reminded all of you earlier that this is the last chapter. I know that probably seems abrupt right now, but hopefully by the time you finish reading it you'll agree that this is a good place to end the story. With that in mind, enjoy...

**Chapter 21: Tobias – Resolution**

Tobias feels deeply and utterly relaxed when he wakes up in the morning. He lies there for a long time, watching his fiancée sleep. She's loosely curled on her side, facing him, with her left hand resting by her pillow, and he gets even more pleasure than he expected from seeing that ring finally sitting where it belongs.

His mind processes the last eighteen hours while his gaze remains fixed on her. Marcus turned yesterday into one of the worst days of Tobias' adult life, only to have this phenomenal woman change it into one of the best. He smiles a little, imagining the look on his father's face when Tris stood up to him – and succeeded. The smile grows when he remembers that Tris will be with him for the rest of his life. How did he ever get so lucky?

Eventually, though, his thoughts shift to the more difficult aspects of their future. He is thoroughly committed to what he told Tris – that they won't be leaving Chicago – but that means he needs to start planning now. He knows that his options are limited, but there must still be _some_ avenues open to him.

Moving carefully away from Tris, he rises, grabbing his cell phone from where she plugged it in for him last night. He's vaguely surprised to see that he has five missed calls – and an equal number of voicemail messages – until he recalls silencing the phone before the ceremony. With everything else distracting him, he never changed it back to its normal settings.

"Don't quit!" Amar states emphatically in the first message. "I just had a long chat with Max, and he wants to take a personal look into how this contract was handled. He agreed that Eric shouldn't have written you into it without your approval, so he wants to figure out how and why that happened and what can be done about it. Give him some time to do that, okay?"

The next message is from George. "Well, the pile of excrement has been delivered to the hospital. He…um… _tripped_ on the way there, so they're going to have to wire his jaw shut for a few weeks while it heals. I tell you what, that guy is a total klutz. He managed to break his nose backstage, too." He scoffs. "He had the nerve to try to blame Tris for it, but fortunately Andrew and I both saw him fall, so there's no way he could possibly press charges. Anyway, just thought I'd let you know."

A disbelieving chuckle goes through Tobias. It must be killing his father to know that Tris and George will get away with exactly the kind of thing that _he_ always did – only against him this time.

The third voicemail is from Amar, again. "I've been told that Marcus is temporarily out of commission, and that our new contact is Andrew Prior. He wasn't involved in the original contract, and he seems to _really_ want to rearrange some of its details, so I'm hopeful we'll get somewhere quickly."

Amar sounds tired in the fourth message, which Tobias notes was received around midnight. "Fucking assholes," he mutters semi-coherently. "You wouldn't believe the garbage that's in this thing. The original contract is fine, but Eric accepted a bunch of 'Change Requests' without going through the proper channels, and that's where the real mess is. The lawyers are having a fit over it, and I've never seen Max so pissed." He gives a gruff laugh. "I'm pretty sure at least one head will be rolling in the morning, or maybe even sooner."

There's a bit of background noise, and Tobias wonders abruptly just where Amar was when he left this message. "Anyway, I guarantee we won't have any trouble getting your role changed. I'm curious, though – do you _want_ to be a project manager if Marcus isn't on the project? Or would you rather stay as lead developer? Let me know whenever you get this."

Tobias' gaze turns to the clock, noticing that it's almost ten. He can't believe he slept so late – he _never_ does that. It's a good thing it's a Saturday, not that he would have been inclined to go to work today regardless.

The last voicemail is from nine-thirty this morning, just a half-hour ago. Amar sounds considerably more chipper this time. "You missed a hell of a night and morning. Eric has been fired – flat-out, unceremoniously, called-in-on-the-weekend-to-clear-out-his-desk-immediately-with-security-watching kind of fired. Man, you should have seen his face when he came out of that room…."

Amar gives a low chuckle. "And on top of that, Max is reviewing Eric's other recent decisions, so who knows what will happen to Nita. In the meantime, Andrew informed me this morning that Marcus is off the project and may be out of a job, too. He couldn't reveal all the details, but judging by his hints, Marcus created those 'Change Requests' to carry out his personal agenda, and he essentially bribed Eric into accepting them without proper authorization. It's all coming back to bite him now." Tobias can hear an enormous yawn. "So, yeah, give me a call and let me know what position you want. You could probably ask for anything, and Max would agree. He feels really bad about all this shit. He keeps saying that he should have been paying more attention, which is true. He let Eric get away with _way_ too much."

Tobias hangs up the phone and stands there for a very long time, digesting everything he just heard. Relief is pulsing through him, along with an incredible depth of gratitude. He's known for years that Amar and George were his true family, far more so than his biological one, but he's blown away by everything they spent the night doing for him. They turned an unbearable situation into his choice of whatever he wants to do next.

His fingers are trembling slightly as he dials Amar's number, counting three rings before his boss answers. "Four, you're finally awake! And sober, I trust?"

"Yeah." Tobias chuckles. "Shocked, but sober. How the hell did you manage this, Amar?"

His mentor sounds somewhat amused. "It was surprisingly easy, given the mess Eric and Marcus made. All I had to do was get Max to really investigate, and not just sweep it under the rug. And Andrew handled everything from his side completely on his own. Well, with a little push from your girlfriend, I gather." His voice vibrates with humor. "She's a firecracker."

"Fiancée," Tobias corrects, grinning at even being able to say that word. "She's my fiancée now, not just my girlfriend."

"Really?" Amar is clearly surprised. "Well, good for you, Four. Congratulations."

"Thanks." They're both silent for a few seconds before Tobias adds, "If I stay as lead developer, will you be the project manager? Because I like that arrangement a lot, but I don't want to work for Nita."

Amar gives another low chuckle. "No, it would be me. Even if Nita retains her promotion, she'll be in Boston, while George and I want to stay here."

Another wave of relief washes through Tobias. With everything else occupying his mind, he hadn't realized how worried he still was about the two of them leaving. "Then, let's do that."

"Consider it done. And don't be surprised if you get a nice raise, too. I told Max he needed to do something big to keep you from suing."

Tobias laughs at that, feeling almost giddy at how much his circumstances have changed in such a short time. But then he grows serious again as it sinks in how much he owes his friend for that. "Amar, I can't possibly thank you enough for all of this. You have no idea what it means to me."

"It's okay, Four." Amar's voice is quiet. "I know a little more about being on your end of things than I like to talk about." He takes a deep breath. "And the thing is…you deserve this. You've been a good friend and a great employee, and this crap was _wrong_. It was my honor to be able to do something about it."

There's no real response to that, so they both fall silent until Amar says, "Well, I need to get going here, but congratulations again on the engagement. George and I will have to take you two out to celebrate soon."

"That sounds good," Tobias answers softly, too touched to attain any volume. "And, uh, thanks again, Amar."

After he hangs up, he stands motionless for a long time, lost in thought. It's not until he hears movement behind him that he steps over to the desk, sets his phone down, and turns around to see one of his favorite sights.

Tris is standing in the doorway of their bedroom, wearing nothing but one of Tobias' T-shirts. It hangs down like a short dress, looking as incredibly sexy as it always does. His gaze moves down her legs and back up, stopping on the ring on her finger. A wide smile splits his face.

"Good morning," he tells her, practically bubbly with all the good news brewing inside him.

"Morning" she returns, her own eyes looking him up and down appreciatively. He hadn't quite noticed until just now that he's stark naked, but she's clearly enjoying the view.

"What did Amar have to say?" she asks as he moves closer to her, drawn like a magnet.

"A lot, actually." His hands find her hips when he reaches her. "A whole lot." He shakes his head, trying to figure out where to start. "I guess the main points are that Marcus is off the project and Eric has been fired."

Tris relaxes visibly. "My father came through?"

Tobias nods. "And Amar and George. They totally turned things around." His smile turns wry. "Oh, and you'll be glad to know that Marcus won't be pressing charges. Apparently, all the witnesses agree that he tripped. Multiple times."

She bites her lip sheepishly at that. "I may have gotten a little carried away there."

"No more than George did." Her eyebrows rise, startled, and he shrugs in response. "As I said, multiple times."

Her expression is hard to read, but she nods slowly. "He's just gotten away with so much. I felt like he needed to finally be held accountable, even if it was in the wrong way."

"Trust me, I know." He can't keep the bitterness out of his tone. "And I certainly don't blame you. In fact…I'm glad you did it. I like knowing that you'll take action when it's needed." He reaches down, smoothing her hair away from her face. "You're going to make a great mother someday."

A tentative smile touches her lips, and she rubs her hands lightly over his bare chest. "Did you tell Amar that we're engaged?"

His grin returns in full force. "Yep. He wants to take us out to celebrate sometime." Tobias pulls her hips closer to him, getting aroused despite the topic of conversation. It's impossible not to, with her standing so close and smelling so good and touching him like that.

Leaning down, he kisses her softly. "But I don't want to talk about any of that anymore. I'm much more interested in making love to my _fiancée_. Again."

"You seem to be fond of that word," she murmurs against his lips.

"Mmm, fiancée?" His voice rumbles through his chest. "Well, that is my best fantasy, you know."

In a single fluid motion, he picks her up, pressing her against the wall and positioning himself between her legs. She lets out an involuntary laugh, her limbs wrapping tightly around him to avoid falling – not that he would let her.

"And now I get to say that word over and over," he adds, his mouth seeking out her neck, enjoying the feel of her soft skin, "until the day I can say that you're my _wife_."

"I like that even better," she declares, her fingers moving from the back of his neck up through his hair. He's always loved doing that to her, but it wasn't until relatively recently that he discovered how arousing it is when she does it to him, too.

"So do I." He shifts her a little lower, so she's resting where he wants the pressure the most. "You have no idea how excited that thought makes me."

Another peal of laughter comes from her. "I think your _excitement_ is pretty obvious, Tobias." She gyrates her hips against his length. "It's practically poking a hole in me."

He smirks, taking a moment to meet her eyes. "Clearly, I'm missing my target." His hands tighten under her thighs. "But I need to grab a condom before I improve my aim."

"Actually, you don't." She blurts the words out, biting her lip at the end and looking slightly nervous. "I, um, started on birth control pills last month. They should be effective by now."

For a long moment, Tobias just stares, feeling himself grow even harder as her words sink in. "You mean, I can just…." _Holy shit._ "I've never done that."

"Well, I mean, you don't _have_ to." She looks almost hesitant for a second, and he half-expects her to bring up the risk of him catching herpes, as she has several times before when they've tried something new. Instead, the side of her mouth quirks hopefully. "But yeah, if you want."

He makes no attempt to hide his grin – partly at the prospect of what she's offering and partly because of what it means. It tells him she's fully accepted that they're permanent. And that she won't let _anything_ get in their way.

His chuckle is deep. "I certainly won't say no."

In response, a smile slowly builds, lighting up her face. "Good. Because I like being your 'first' again."

He nuzzles his nose into her cheek, his breath hot on her skin. "You've been my first in everything that counts, Tris." He lifts her a bit, struggling to line up with her entrance in this slightly awkward position – and despite the eagerness that's making it difficult to control his movements. "And I am thrilled that you'll be my _only_ for the rest of my life." He finally gets the angle right and pushes into her, not entirely sure what to expect sans barrier – and finds himself almost overwhelmed by the sensations surrounding his bare skin. He groans, long and loud. "You feel _unbelievably good_."

She moans some sort of assent that he doesn't entirely catch, too lost in all the new feelings that are suddenly involved in this familiar act. He's never minded wearing condoms before, but now he wonders if he'll ever be able to go back to them. And it certainly doesn't hurt that Tris' ring keeps brushing against his skin as her hands find their way all over him, making the moment more intimate than ever.

They give up on speech entirely the longer they continue, their bodies moving in synch as they give and take pleasure with every thrust and swirl and kiss and touch. Tobias does his best to draw it out, wanting to make their mutual ecstasy last as long as possible, but every movement inside her is so raw and intense, he can barely avoid coming with each forward surge. When he finally does give in, he explodes with a level of pleasure that he's never even imagined, the aftermath shocking through him in waves as he pants her name over and over.

He's too exhausted to move afterwards, leaning against her and letting the wall support both of them for what seems like ages, their bodies still entwined. He's always had to withdraw fairly quickly to ensure nothing leaks from the condom, so this is the first time he's ever been able to linger inside her. He takes full advantage of it, his hands gripping her legs so he can remain deeply burrowed within her, little follow-up twinges going through him at irregular intervals.

"I don't have words for that," he finally manages to breathe into her hair.

Apparently, she agrees, judging by the long sigh of satisfaction she emits, the one that sounds suspiciously like, "Soooo goooood."

Grinning widely, he musters up enough energy to move away from the wall, taking her with him to their bed. He tries to remain inside her as he sets her down, but that proves to be impossible, and a little gasp comes from both of them at the separation. Oh, well…next time he'll see if he can find a position that lets him stay within her all night. It would add an interesting dynamic to their early morning activities.

The possibilities play through his mind as he draws Tris close, his fingers brushing her hair away so he can see her face better.

"I'm so glad I moved back here," he murmurs, suddenly acutely aware of how easily he could have missed all of this.

"Me, too." A wide, sleepy smile shapes her face, and he knows she's slipping into the unique oblivion that follows incredible sex. "You're the love of my life, Tobias."

Her eyes drift closed as he whispers his response, but he doesn't mind. For the first time in his life, things are exactly the way he wants them, and the best part is that he knows they're only going to get better.

His fingers continue to run up and down her back as the euphoria turns slowly into sleep for him, too. This is what people mean by "happily ever after," he knows. For most of his life, he doubted the concept could truly exist, let alone that it could apply to him, but now it's become thoroughly real.

He intends to enjoy every moment of it.

**The End**

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't entirely ruled out the idea of writing an epilogue. I like this as the ending, but I do have a scene in mind for some years down the road. If you have a strong desire to read it, please leave me a review to let me know. If I get a lot of requests, I'll honor that by writing it; otherwise, we'll see if the mood strikes me at some point. :-)
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to review, favorite, and/or follow this story! Your support is the only "payment" that fanfiction authors get, and it really encourages us to write. So, yes, please review this chapter, as well as any other story you read on this site that you like. We really do appreciate it.


	22. Chapter 22: Tris – Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm officially wowed. Between the three sites where I've been posting this story, I received some 75 requests for an epilogue. Thank you all so much for the support and reviews! You inspired me to write out the scene I had in mind, so here you go... It's short, but hopefully you'll agree that it wraps up the story nicely.

**Chapter 22: Tris – Epilogue**

Tobias' arms catch her the moment she walks in the front door, his breath a hot whisper in her ear. "Get changed quickly. We're going out."

She furrows her brow at him uncertainly. It's a weeknight – an unusual time to get a babysitter and go on a date – and she can't think of any event they'd be celebrating tonight. It's not an anniversary of anything she can remember offhand.

"Why?"

"You don't know?" He makes a credible attempt to look hurt before giving up and smirking slyly. "I guess you'll have to see if you can figure it out."

Rolling her eyes, she starts for the stairs, hearing the kids' voices from the family room as she passes by just out of their sight. Evelyn's playful tone answers them, and she knows that her mother-in-law is already here to watch them.

"Casual clothes," Tobias calls after her.

She wracks her brain as she changes out of her office attire, trying to remember what today is. But September doesn't hold a lot of anniversaries for them – just their "second first kiss," and they celebrated the ten-year anniversary of that in their bedroom two weeks ago, after the kids went to sleep for the night. Theoretically, September twenty-fourth could be the day they conceived Abigail, since they're not entirely sure when that happened, but it seems unlikely that Tobias has suddenly picked today to honor that.

By the time she's heading downstairs, wearing jeans and a sweater, she's decided that her husband is pulling her leg. He probably wants to discuss a promotion at work or some other opportunity like that.

"Mommy!" Eli calls excitedly the moment she enters the family room. He tries to run for her, but Tobias scoops him up as he passes, holding the giggling toddler high in the air. It's a ploy to give Abigail a chance to greet their mother first, since she's been sensitive about that lately, but it makes Eli laugh anyway.

Abigail is talking a mile a minute as she latches onto Tris' legs. At four, she's already over half her mother's height, but that's nothing compared to Eli's growth curve. Despite not being quite two yet, he's practically as tall as his sister, and he towers over the other kids in his daycare room. He definitely inherited his father's height.

And his strength, too, judging by the way he barrels into them the moment Tobias sets him back down on the floor. "Mommy, Mommy," he exclaims, grinning through his partially-toothed mouth. "Gamma's here." He turns to point at Evelyn, who is smiling at the semi-wrestling match taking place in front of her. "We paying piates."

"Pirates?" Tris gasps, acting as if her children don't play that game at every opportunity. "Is Grandma your prisoner?"

"No, Mommy," Abigail whispers conspiratorially. "Grandma is the _pirate_. She's going to make us _walk the plank_."

Her words seem to jog Eli's memory, and he races to retrieve his toy sword, brandishing it at his grandmother. " _You_ alk the pank," he commands in his most intimidating voice, "not us." Tris can only shake her head. Sometimes, Eli is _such a boy_.

Not that Abigail is any better, she concludes, as her daughter tugs repeatedly on her hand, trying to pull her into the fray while suggesting more and more extreme versions of what they can do to escape their would-be captor. Her ideas are heavily based on "Peter Pan," since that's her favorite movie these days, but she seems to be pulling in pieces from her current bedtime story, "My Father's Dragon," too.

"It sounds like you're in for quite the evening," Tris mutters to Evelyn half-apologetically, as the kids begin jumping from one imaginary alligator's back to another. But her mother-in-law just chuckles. She was only able to be around for half of Tobias' childhood, and that was harshly ruled by Marcus, so she absolutely loves being with her grandchildren like this – watching them and playing games with them and knowing that their lives are full of everything she could ever want for them.

That certainly makes it easier for Tris and Tobias to say their goodbyes and slip out into the cool September air. The days are still long, so they have a couple of hours of sunlight left even by the time they arrive at their destination – which seems to be Navy Pier.

They chat about nothing in particular while they grab some food and wander along the pier, watching the water and the tourists and remembering other times they've been here.

There are lines for the games, so they opt to skip those, deciding to return with the kids on another day instead. But they do take a boat ride, enjoying the view and the wind and the chance to simply be close to each other.

"So, how was work?" Tris asks, still convinced that Tobias' goal tonight is to discuss something from there.

"Pretty typical," he answers, resting his elbows on the railing and leaning close to her, "except that Amar decided the trainers should spend more time with the developers. He thinks it will help us make the product more user-friendly." His shoulder lifts. "I suppose it might, if we can get past the attitude on both sides."

Tris nods sagely. "We try to do that, too. It does help in the long run." She nudges his arm companionably. "Just remember that the end-users are the ones who actually _use_ the product, so it has to work for them. The trainers are usually a good judge of that."

He gives a non-committal grunt. "Yeah, but they could be a lot less blunt about it."

That makes her laugh, and she leans further into him, deciding to focus on the city that's passing in front of them. Whatever today is about, it doesn't seem to be work after all, so she's back to guessing.

Slowly, memory by memory, she goes through their years together over the course of the boat ride. She starts when was just sixteen and picks back up at twenty-six, but no matter how many events she remembers, this date still doesn't ring any bells.

She's more confused than ever by the time they're off the boat and Tobias is taking her hand and leading her toward the Ferris wheel. Both of their first kisses occurred there, but neither on this particular day. And with Tobias' fear of heights, they've only ever ridden it those two times.

"What am I missing?" she asks, her brows pulled together quizzically. "What is today?"

"It'll come to you." The answer would be downright infuriating if it weren't accompanied by that particularly impish grin – the one that he used to reserve just for her but that he now bestows more freely. She knows that it's a sign of how much he loves his life these days, and it's impossible to be annoyed when she sees it.

To her surprise, he even manages to hang onto that smile once they're up in the air. Their hands are linked, and his gaze stays mostly on her instead of their surroundings, but he still looks remarkably relaxed for someone facing a long-term fear.

"Are you not afraid of heights anymore?" she asks curiously.

"Doesn't seem like it." He leans close, the fingers of his free hand brushing tendrils of her hair behind her ear. She's been letting it grow out again, now that Eli is old enough not to grab it so much. "I think our previous trips up here cured me."

Her own lips lift at that, before she presses them to his. After all, it's an old habit to kiss while on the Ferris wheel. "Good," she quips after a moment, "because I've been wanting to go bungee jumping. Are you game for that?"

A low chuckle rumbles through his throat. "Sure, no problem. We'll take the kids, too. They'd love it."

That draws an answering laugh from her, her mind conjuring up a vivid image of Eli bouncing wildly up and down from a bridge, waving his toy sword at Abigail as she points out alligators in the river below them. "Maybe in ten or twenty years."

"Good call." There's a mischievous glint in Tobias' eyes, and she finally gives up on guessing the reason for this impromptu date.

"Okay, spill," she insists, leveling her gaze at him. "Nothing much happened on September twenty-fourth, and you know it, so why are we up here?"

For several seconds, he debates answering, before his lips curve upwards. "You're assuming that it's about the date, but it's not." His fingers tighten around hers. "It's about the passage of time." He lets that hang in the air for a moment before adding, "As of today, we have been back together for longer than we were apart."

The statement stops her, sending her mind spinning again through the years of their relationship. Their lives have been so full, between getting married and moving into a larger home and having two incredible children. And on top of that, they've built a relationship with Evelyn, rebuilt one with Andrew, and strengthened their ties to the rest of their family and friends. It feels like so much longer than ten years have passed, and it stuns her to realize that it's barely been as long as they were apart.

"Were you really away for that long?" she whispers, trying to remember details from that decade and finding very little that seems important now.

"Yeah." He squeezes her hand, drawing her gaze back to his. "Going by the biggest stretch – the time between kisses."

That elicits another small laugh from her. There are many ways to count the days, after all, depending on whether you start from when he left for college or when he wrote that letter or when she read it. But they're now past even the longest of those measures.

"Tris, I just…. I want to thank you for giving me a second chance." His thumb moves lightly back and forth over her wedding band and engagement ring. "When I returned to Chicago, it was largely for you. I knew I wanted to try again, but I didn't dare hope that you'd agree." He lifts her left hand, pressing a kiss to those rings. "But for some reason that I'll never fully understand, you did. You accepted me, and you found a way to forgive me and to love me again, and you completely changed my life." His deep blue eyes hold hers intensely. "I owe everything to you, Tris. Everything that matters to me. And I can never tell you enough how much I love you."

For a long moment, she simply stares back, lost in his gaze and in the emotions swirling through her. His words are as true for her as they are for him, but as she thinks back on it, she's not entirely sure why she gave him that chance so long ago. Certainly, a large part of her argued against it at the time, reinforced by Christina's strong dislike of anything Tobias. But she ignored all that and went forward anyway.

It was because of him, she finally realizes. She didn't decide based on memories or feelings or logic. No, something in her knew _him_ – the true essence of who he is – and chose to trust him no matter what.

"You were worth it," she answers softly. "You've always been worth it, Tobias." She lifts her head, bringing her lips to his in a long, slow kiss. "And you know what," she adds when they eventually pull apart, "you always _will be_ worth it."

He's grinning again, that same smile of absolute joy, as he rests his forehead on hers, finishing the ride in silence. There's no need for conversation in this moment, filled as they both are with emotions that are too large to verbalize. They just know that what exists between them – their particular combination of love and trust and hope and _life_ – is something that most people only dream of finding.

She couldn't ask for a better reality.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to BarbaraK2U, who acted as my wonderful beta reader for this story! She helped me catch a number of habits I had gotten into that were becoming repetitive, and I feel like my writing is stronger for being made aware of those. Thank you also to all of you who have reviewed, favorited, and/or followed this story, particularly those of you who took the time to review every chapter! That level of support makes a huge difference for fanfiction writers, since it's the only "payment" we receive, and it encourages us to write and helps us improve our skills.
> 
> With that in mind, please take a moment to let me know what you thought of this ending. I have no immediate plans to write more "Divergent" fanfics, but if a lot of you ask, you never know. :-)


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